Some Adoption Laws are good

I'm glad that in my state you have to wait six months to finalize an adoption. The judge and lawyer told us not to worry about it because the biomom and biodad both were in agreement, they were counciled and given options etc. but many who may not have told the biodad, or were coerced in a desperate time can have that six months to ensure no "funny business " went on, everything was done as much in the law as could be. Our date was set for December 20. Her name will be officially changed and she will be officially our daughter. It's like people getting married after living together for years....it's just a piece of paper now, our hearts have been sealed since the day they told us about her.
She started to crawl last night! This baby time is going by so fast, and she'll be a toddler before we know it....i love every second!

I Feel Sorry for the Bio-moms

Some of these ladies are ANGRY!

by Diane Turski

I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother initiated her first contact with me she referred to him as my "birthson." What is a "birthson?" And what would a "birthfather" be - I didn't know that fathers gave birth! In a "birthfamily" are there also "birthsisters," "birthbrothers," "birthgrandparents," "birthaunts," "birthuncles," "birthcousins," "birthpets," etc?

She even says "birthmother means breeder"

I am offended by this as an adoptee. Whenever I have used the word "Birthmother" there has been nothing but respect behind it. My "bithmother" is just that....the woman who gave birth to me----that's a big deal. She is not my mother, thats the woman that raised me. But it takes nothing from what this woman did, I don't see her as simply a "breeder" or a nobody.
I do prefer "Biomom" because it explains it's the woman who made me biologically. She gave me my DNA...What I look like and many of my likes and dislikes.... what's so wrong about that??

She is my mother who gave me birth - she IS my BIRTHMOTHER!

Our Iraqi friends

I love my friends from Iraq. I love their food, their culture, their kindness ----i love those kids like they were my own.

Now, why are there so many different views on what the US is doing over in their country? My friend is over there now and his family is here. He is being an interpretor to help the US...he is putting himself in ALOT of danger to help the US get rid of all the trash over there that is ruining their country. When he was here for a month he was so sad that so many Iraqis are so against the US being there. He has seen it from the inside of the military, he knows what they are going through.....no one is grateful. Some say it was better when Sadam was in charge!!! Do they know what war is? War is HELL, war is aweful but maybe it's what is needed for change. My friend is so sad his country is in such termoil and he thinks it will take years for there to be any change. But there WILL BE change. If the US leaves there will be more caos, more bloodshed than anyone can imagine. There will be NO PEACE, for ANYONE left in Iraq.
I pray for his safety and for the safety of all the innocent Iraqis........

Adopted? Whose Adopted?

I know many Biomoms don't like it but I totally forget my baby is adopted and not mine. I don't think about it for a long time and then someone brings it up.....and i think...."oh yea" for a split second it suprises me. I guess it's the same way being adopted myelf----i forget. I tell my parents they are the best mom and dad anyone could have. I don't give it another thought that I'm not biological . They are mom and dad - %100. When I think about what my daughter will look like I imagine a thin dark version of T....then i think - "no, wait her biodad has red hair and has children with blond hair....she must look like her bio mom, but she was short and biodad was tall so maybe she'll be tall like him/us" .....and then I forget again. She looks so much like us....she has my hair color, T's eyes, my dimple and she's left handed like T----so weird.

You know her biomom (and biodad) will always be a part of her (just as mine are a part of me - thier DNA made us have our looks and our tastes) but it's something you just don't think about most of the time. That makes me sad because I know the biomoms are always thinking about them. But.....think about it like this: You would want parents for your baby who don't think about your child as someone else's but love them SO much they forget that they are not their biological child.

I LOVE MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adoption babble

I know so many adopted people and so many people who have adopted. But I only know two biomoms who have relinquished a child.

My cousin and I have both found our biomoms....she is very close to hers. She was 14 when she got pregnant and her family sent her away and then she had to "pretend" she was never pregnant after she relinquished. My biomom was 21 and her mother said you "give that baby away or you are on your own". Neither had a choice. None of my other adopted friends (25 to 45) have any desire to find any bios....weird, you'd think they would at least be curious.

My friends who have adopted have foreign or semi-open adoptions. There are a few friends who have adopted multiculturally from foster care --- they are extra precious and sweet. My friend i grew up with had a brother and sister from Korea....I remember, as a child, when they joined my "second family"....it was so cool and felt totally natural,normal, never thought anything about them being different from us.

It's strange how much adoption has touched our lives - what could be the reason? I meet so many people and they don't know anyone who is adopted or has adopted....weird that we know so many.

Gifts

I got a box on my porch the other day and knew by the address that it was from my biomom. She sent the baby a pair of shoes - they are really cute and the invoice was inside - $32! I would never spend that much on shoes the baby will wear a few times. I guess that's why it's a good gift.....i'd never buy them. I feel guilty accepting gifts from her - I feel like it's a bribe and by accepting it I am obligated somehow. I don't think she means it this way but I feel a little guilty.

It all started after I found her. I told her I used a private detective that took $350 and "looked until she found"---it took 2 years. She sent me a check for $350 and wrote a note that it was "the least she could do" after this many years. I used it to buy a mantle clock i gave to her that had a secret compartment in the back. I wrote a poem about time we lose and the time we have lost...i hid it in the secret compartment.(i wish i would have kept a copy, i asked recently and she found it and lost it).
At first she sent me the most awesome gifts on holidays - any holiday, even little one's like Labor Day. I felt bad really, they were guilt gifts but i felt bad saying no. The most meaningful gifts were 1)a little ring that her uncle had given her when she was 12 - this was the uncle that gave her refuge after i was born. 2)two framed art pieces that her mother painted 3)old pictures of her and her mother
these are gifts that cost nothing but hold much meaning......those are the ones i treasure. I HATE the guilt gifts.....i accept them because she feels she must give them---they are more for her.....
I will say, i think the baby gifts are cute but they are more than guilt gifts......they are what she would have wanted to buy me, and that's even harder to accept.

Democrats are just IDIOTS!

I'm sorry, but if the September 11th anniversary doesn't invoke some anger towards terrorism then you are a stupid liberal idiot. I'm not saying to hate all Iraqi's or Muslims or anyone else. I'm saying it should make you MAD, ANGRY, DISCUSTED at the radical element that could think that blowing up almost 3,000 people would do anything for their "cause". They can put it under the guise of Islam but it's just a bunch of crazy lunatics misinterpreting their religion.

I'm not saying I agree in the Islamic principals and beliefs but I know they aren't about blowing people up. That's like saying all Christians want to blow up abortion clinics.

The unfortunate thing here is WE will NOT change their minds. The Iraqis I know want peace, a better life for their families and democracy. But how are we to fight a bunch of "crazy muslims" who will NOT change their minds? Do we blow them all up? Do we let them live blowing other people up? It's a hard decision.............I'm glad I don't have to make it.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD don't let it be the democrats that decide ----I think we'll all be sorry at the outcome!

I am ADOPTED and I have ADOPTED

It's weird thinking I am adopted and now i have an adopted daughter. I talk freely about her adoption but I do not mention my own. Most people don't know that I am adopted also and try to tell me all the things she'll feel and want, etc. It cracks me up. When i talk about it they must think I've really done my reading and research.

Being adopted is no different that any other state in life. It's like someone telling me I had my tonsils out when I was 5 ----I don't remember it. It didn't hurt me and it still doesn't hurt me.....

I think my birthparents are nice, it's cool to see old pictures and even to know my 1/2 siblings but it's really not that important. I will maintain contact because it's good to know them and keep up with them but I feel no particular fondness or bond. I know my birthmom does and it kills her I don't feel the same way. My birthfather is cool and feels the same way I do. Both families are very nice.

I'm not afraid of my daughter being around my birthfather's family at all but I do not trust my birthmother to keep her mouth closed to the baby about who she is. I don't want my mom and dad to know that I even know who the birthparents are ----it will get sticky i'm sure. For now they have both seen her and adore her (who wouldn't) but she is clueless as to who they may be.....at least for now.

Bitter Birthmoms and Adoptees

We only have one life to live. We have very little time and so many people are filling up that time with bitterness and regret. It is a choice they make....it is a mission for some.
There is one blog called "I hate adoption".....an adoptee who was placed with aparents who weren't good. There is another written by a birthmother who is still trying to come to terms with her relinquishment. I'm sure they don;t think about it 24/7 but these women (and many others----LOTS MORE) are affected SO much in their lives by what has happened in the past. YES, we are are past and we are changed by circumbstances but there is a choice made. Why do people who were abused as children marry abusers? That is normal to them, eventhough it's horrible, that's how things feel right. These women have had bad experiences but they live in the middle of it still.
I was adopted and I'm an adopted mom now. I want my baby to feel what I did growing up....loved, secure, happy.
I pray that other adoptees and birthmothers can put aside the past, learn from it but not live in it......

9 hours a day without her

I don't think I'll be able to stand it now that i have to go back to work. I don't want anyone else to see her do anything first. I saw when she first grabbed something for herself, when she found her feet, started sucking her thumb, when she started babbling and now that she's found she has a tongue - i was there for the first time she did it! I DON'T want someone to say "she xxxx for the first time today after you dropped her off" I will scream....i want it all.....and not to miss that time. Please God let me win the lottery....i'll use it wisely, i promise.

She lights up my day....everyday

I cannot imagine my life without her. She is smiley and when she smiles with that gummy smile it makes me cry, I love her so much. I hate to talk about her being adopted with everyone we meet that knows us and has heard our news, it's like talking about her having autism or a missing limb...everyone asks stupid questions that they don't think is stupid. If one more person says "she could be yours" I think I'll scream....I usually say, "she IS ours". Why can't they just say "she looks just like you?". I don't care for us but I don't want her to get older and hear this - this is what gives adopted kids a complex. Can people be any more inappropriate? "Do you know her 'real parents'"? (this one enrages me)
Sweetcakes bio-mom is our business and her business - not anyone else's. If she wants to share info about her when she's older it's up to her....I'm not a tell-all. When asked questions like did you meet the birthparents....I just say "yes...they are both very sweet.".

It was good to hear that her bio-mom met with the social worker and picked up our first packet. She is always offered couciling whenever she would need it but when she was asked this time about it she said they didn't think they needed counciling because they met us and feel really good about where she is. That made me feel good...knowing they feel good about it.

I didn't know I had this much love in me!!!!!

Forgetting

My old pastor adopted a bi-racial baby girl. She came out of the foster care system and has been with their family for about 6 years (adopted 4 years ago). They recently went to the doctor because of some minor kidney problems she's having. the doctor asked this whiter that white fifty something year old man if he knew if their was any kidney problems in the family and he started to tell him that he had kidney stones a few years back and was going into detail when he saw the doctor looking at him funny (he knew she was adopted). He laughed, he had honestly forgotten....

I can't forget that a woman has given me the most wonderful thing in my life. But honestly, i totally forget i didn't give birth to this child myself. She is the most spectacular little thing---every day is a blessing!!!

Adoption in Iraq

I was concerned my friends from Iraq would have a difficult time understanding the whole adoption process. I tried to keep it simple and said there was a baby who's mother couldn't raise her on her own but she wanted us to take the baby and make her ours. The girls were very concerned about the mother - it was very sweet. We talked a lot about her and I told them she was a really sweet girl and it wasn't easy for her. The Iraqi mother told me that somtimes a woman can't take care of their baby so she would bring the baby to the mosque and leave them there with a note "please take care of my baby". There are women at the mosque all the time and one would come along and find the baby and they would all decide who would take the child home and raise him/her as their own. No corrupt system, no bribes or waiting years and years....but then again, there is no help for that birthmother, no counciling and no way to make sure the baby is okay (unless they stick around and watch--which they sometimes do).

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

It makes me so mad that there are still birthmothers out there that have this rally cry against all adoptions. Just because they have had a bad experience they believe all women who relinquish their children must be coerced and manipulated into doing so. Even though many of these woman have thought about this, given it a lot of thought and found an agency to go to. Most of these agencies do provide counceling and an opportunity to parent if they choose to. Or they go on the internet and find parents for their babies. Yes, there are women who have had good experiences and feel good about where their children were placed. There ARE children who were better off where they went ----I am one of them. We are NOT against all of you, so why are you against all of us??

I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER!!!

I really like my biomom-she's nice. But now i have this baby things are getting weird! She asked "How will this work? will she call me grandma?" YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!
I said "it would be quite confusing to call you grandma, i guess she'll call you by your first name and when she is older she will find out who you really are. " I told her my parents mean the world to me and i would NEVER hurt them and it WOULD hurt them if they knew i knew her. This is going to get sticky i fear!

"Tummy Mommy" is OKAY

The more I think about it, "tummy mommy" should not really be offensive at all. I don't think it takes away from what the biological mother did and actually acknowledges her as the person who cared for the child the first 9 months of their being. What offends me as an adoptee and an adopted mom is people saying "real mom" or "first mom" - when people say that i want to scream!! My "real mom" is the one who raised me. The people who are so against any phrasing are the birthmoms who feel guilt. I feel for them - they had to make a decision and whether that decision came out of coersion, or thoughtful maturity, there is that regret and guilt and "what ifs". It may hurt them to hear certain phrases or words that don't abide by their "rules" of adoption terms but i am offended by many of the terms they use - like "first mom". my bio mom was NEVER my "first mom". She made a decision - not coerced - and there was still some guilt. She does not regret her decision just feels guilty about it.

There will always be those who see adopted moms as "The Enemy" and we have ripped these children from the arms of their rightful mothers. As an adoptee I can't stand that....my parents are awesome and i wouldn't change it for the world. The guilt these women feel have blinded them and some even stew in it until they become so bitter they leave messages of curses and tell us how horrible we are. Even though we are giving a loving home to a child we find to be the most precious person on earth. Isn't that what these women should want?

Still Suprises Me

It still suprises me when women are SO against adoption and adopted parents loving and parenting their child. No child should live with being reminded every single day they are adopted. I had a wonderful childhood and was not bombarded every day with it. They didn't talk about it but i knew. The birthmothers at our agency pick the couple, they meet and they have a say so. The birthmother of my baby is sweet and told the agency recently she feels good about her decision because she met us and saw how we were with her and we all got along so well. She is ubale to parent because of her health and knew somone else would have to raise her child. I couldn't wait to send her a letter, pictures and a copy of all the music we play and sing with....i'll always remember her much more than the baby. I know my bios were like strangers to me.

As I hold my precious baby in my arms, all my emptyiness is gone. We've been waiting for her for a long time. I can't believe i didn't give birth to her myself - she's such a part of me. I guess we all look at this from diffrerent angles and i would never take away what birthmother's must feel by i'm not going to let them down me for loving my baby.....

This is now OUR baby

okay - there is not one good way of saying anything about adoption without offending people. We went to court and the biological parents told the judge they relinquish all their rights to these NEW parents. They wanted us to take over the parenting job, to make this baby our own. This does NOT take away the fact that another woman made the decision to go through pregnancy, give birth and have to go through the pain of relinquishment. It also does NOT mean she will be forgotten or discarded. She could not parent because of health reasons that will just get worse, she and the biofather made a mature decision and we all got to talk about it together. Using the phrase that is most PC to birthmothers does not change anything, it does not make anything different. The feelings they have about thier own relinqishment and the feelings that the parents who adopted have are going to be the same. I think it's time to think about the child. "tummy mommy" and "forever mommy" is a little easier for a small child to understand than "biological mother" or even "first parent" - how confusing......

I am devoted to making this child happy. I know what it feels like to be adopted and i want her to feel as good about it as i do. I also know how my bio mom feels about it and my best friend (who relinquished a child 20 years ago). I trust those two and if other biomoms are offended i cannot help that. Maybe they need to re-examine their own feelings about it and see that maybe the child's happiness is more important - isn't that why they entrusted the child to someone else?

We are not raising this baby for someone else-she is now ours--the best way to honor the person who gave this child life and entrusted us with her, is to be awesome parents. We pray for her biological parents everyday. I think about her when i take pictures because i will be sending her pictures and letters. But I am her mommy now.....

MY GIRL

I can not even imagine my life without her. It's hard to believe i didn't give birth to this child. She is ours in our hearts and so much a part of us. I will never be able to forget about her "tummy mommy", but I am her forever mommy andI am so grateful to have her in our lives. I love when i give her a bottle and she holds my hand. I love when i hold her in the crook of my arm and she reaches up to touch my skin. I love when i out her in bed with me at 3 in the morning and she curls up next to me and takes her binky and falls right to sleep like that's what she wanted all along. Her coos, her sighs, her wimpers, her cries, I love it all. I know why people move to smaller houses and go to one income - i don't want to leave her, i want to see everything she does, be with her all the time. But when do you get anything done???

The most wonderful day of our lives

Yesterday was bittersweet. We got along so well with the birthparents (she called herself that). We met back at the agency after court and we gave them their gifts - everyone cried and it was a very emotional time. I had been sick for the whole two weeks with butterflies - i know now it was for them. I know it had to be torturous waiting for 2 hours in the hall way to be seen in court....

They were the sort of couple we would have as friends or relatives....each couple felt at ease. She picked us, she said, because I was adopted and because we looked genuinely happy in our pictures. The others were faking smiles and we weren't---that made us feel good and i knew again just how much they love that child. When i first met her I told her I was glad the baby smiled at her at her visit the day before and it made her cry-I also told her I knew why the baby was so pretty...because she is so pretty. I saw pictures of his two little boys - they are SO cute. I'm SO glad we had the opportunity to meet them - we took pictures and I told her I knew how much she loved the baby and we wouldn't let her forget that. J and I both told them we would pray for them every day. We will send pic about 5 times this year and at least two times a year until she is old enough to meet them if she wants to.

I LOVE THIS BABY>>>>>mommyhoood callssssss