DEATH

She knew it was coming yet she never complained. She knew what she would endure but she never told us what was coming. We watched my mother starve to death in a hospice bed because one of the tumors in her brain was affecting her inner ear. Not to mention the radiation gave her thrush and she had a yeast infection that swelled her throat and mouth and tongue that her her so badly she could swallow nothing, not even saliva. We watched her waste away to nothing and she never even talked about the pain or the agony...she wanted to know how we were, what we were doing. She wanted to be gone because, as she put it, we"all had lives of out own to live". Like we could abandon her at her time of suffering. Like we wouldn't give ANYTHING to keep her around....

I miss her as if I have lost an appendage...I have to learn to live without a part of me.
I feel like she will walk through the door at anytime...I wait for it. I wait for the lonely feeling to subside and the sadness to go away. My mother....I can't call anyone mom any more...andit's killing me.