Saturday, June 30, 2007

This was copied from a blog: I thought it was so good and the picture is adorable:

Aren't you glad I was adopted? I am.

I don’t have time to write this blog right now but I wanted to get it down before my heart moves on. Did you guys know that I am adopted? I think most of you probably know that. Last night I had to go to an adoption training for work and it really impacted me. Did you know that there are people out there that think adoption is a bad option? Only 1% of the girls who come to our centers place for adoption. Why? Most of the girls say it is because they would rather have an abortion which is easy and fast then deal with the pain of giving up a baby. Other girls say they would rather keep the baby to punish themselves for the decision they made to have sex in the first place(they really say that). And others still say adoption is horrible, babies are abused and forced into families they may not want.

Someone once said to me probably the reason why you weren’t aborted is because abortion wasn’t legal in Columbia at the time you were born. Here is a clue into one of the many reasons I am pro life. I was one decision away from being an abortion statistic. By God’s grace and possibly the chance of the moment, I made it through. I was adopted and grew up in a loving environment that provides and supports me every step of the way.

It hasn’t always been easy. I do believe we as a country need to let go of the stigma we place on adopted children. Mostly, ADOPTION IS AN AMAZING THING!!! There is NO SHAME in adopting and being adopted. Now that I am adult I have seen it from all sides. Being adopted, knowing friends who have placed for adoption, and knowing friends who are adoptive parents. The media and other avenues focus on the few negative situations and therefore as a culture we fear/ shy away from talking too much about it when a child is adopted. My purpose for this blog is mostly just to get us thinking about the way we think about adoption. Adoption to me is no less an awesome viable option for having a child then if you gave birth to your own baby. The child was no less planned, no less wanted, and no less purposed by God. My big encouragement is TALK about it. If you have adopted children DO NOT be ashamed about being open with them about it. It is a beautiful gift through and through. If you don’t look like your parents, WHO CARES!!! If you know someone who is adopted, ask them what it is like. But also be sensitive that at the time they may not want to talk about it(especially teenagers). Remember we are not a science experiment…(some people talk to me about my adoption like that, for real!) ADOPTION IS AWESOME.

On a personal note, thank you Mom and Dad for adopting me. You are my wonderful parents and I wish I could I hug a squeeze you right now. I am no less your child then if I had been put into your own stomach! I bless and love my birth mother for not giving up on me. I bet it was SO hard for her to do but her decision certainly impacted my life;)

Friday, June 29, 2007

This is my "Visual DNA"....
To put this on your blog you must add
lj-embed id="2" (with a "more than"in front and a "less than"
at the end)
in front of the URL and
/lj-embed (with a < and > again)
at the end of your URL
(it won't let me write this any other way-sorry)

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Take Charge of your Life

There will always be people who are crabby, obnoxious, bitter and mean. Just as there will always be people who are decent and honest and happy. Whether you are adopted or lived with your biological family, you will be a product of your environment and circumstances. Let's face it - the percentage is probably higher that there are more biological crappy parents than adopted's just numbers. But there are good and bad and whatever you wound up with is what you had and that's the past. Don't blame who YOU want to be.

I think it's funny when people are really negative. I'm a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" person and can't stand the whiners (as you all know)
From the Encyclopedia Britannica:
Adoption is so widely recognized that it can be characterized as an almost worldwide institution with historical roots traceable to antiquity.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Adoption tax credit

Paragraphein is a good writer. She is a mother and a biological mother of a child she relinquished. She is one of the few anti-adoption writers I can honestly say I like reading...I respect her is clear and honest and she lets you see where she is coming from. It doesn't mean I agree with her but it's a blog that I have led others to read because I think it is a good and decent "different" view from my own.
With that said, I did want to disagree with one of her recent posts about the adoption tax credit.

First of all , you don't get a check for $10,000 from the IRS. It is the advantage of NOT paying taxes on $10,000 (to put it simply). This is also done for new businesses that are being "wooed" by a a city - it's an incentive to build there.

Second, I realize that the Tax credit began for different reasons than it's used for today.
"The reason I point this out is simply this: the adoption tax credit and Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 were started to (supposedly) help drug-exposed, abused, neglected, “hard to place” children find homes."
It did begin to help "hard to place" kids (I hate to use that term, but that is what they termed kids with disabilaties and older kids in the foster care system, it also came to mean bi-racial and AA children). When it began you had to go to your state's capital (at least in my state) and stand in line to apply and when the money was out - it was out. Everyone made a trip on the first day - that's about how much $ the govt provided. With as many people that wrote their legislation and said they, too, wanted help to adopt, more money was put in the "pot". The credit was then changed to include kids that were "hard to place" and international adoptions. But people still wrote.... "all kids are special that were up for adoption, there shouldn't be catagories". Rich people should not be the only people that can adopt, no matter what type of adoption you felt led to pursue.

I am thankful for the adoption credit....without it, average income people could not adopt as easily or at all. It's not like the credit makes everything simple, but it does help. When people have a biological child they get a tax break....we just get a little more as a head start. We would have still adopted a child without it, but it has helped with all the expenses that's for sure.

I don't believe this has anything to do with "racism or classism" is about time the government helped the middle class do something....I'm lower middle income and wanted to adopt. I didn't rip a child away from a mother. My daughter's biomom could not/did not want to have to struggle raising another child. There were programs to help her and the biodad but she decided not to go that route. That doesn't make her a bad person.....and it gave us an opportunity to raise a child.....why can't the government help us do that? Nothing would have changed without it.

It's late, I'm writing with one hand (baby alseep in the other arm) and I see I'm writing in short sentences......yawn.....just needed to speak my tired mind.


5 Minutes for Mom is an awesome blogging site that has fabulous contests and great prizes...

Here's a link to a FAB July 4th want to get over there and see what they have...these two gals have a great idea going!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Open Adoptions
Someone posted this article and I thought it was worth c&p:

My experience and the empirical literature strongly suggest that open adoption is neither good nor bad; helpful nor hurtful. The primary issue is what is in the child's best interests?

A few things to consider.
First, all decisions should be based on what is best for this child at this point in time.

The age of the child and the health of the birth relatives are other critical factors. If the birth relatives have not been able to be clear with you about their reasons for termination (and in the case of an invol term with abuse/neglect, own their own inability to effectively parent), this can create problems.

The birth relatives should be able to prepare a letter or tape explaining what happened and be able to say "goodbye" and give the child permission to love them and you both! When we do treatment with children with have difficult pasts we often involve the birth relatives and when they can do this, it is very helpful for the child. When birth relatives cannot do this, psychodramatic reneactments in which the "birth relative" does this is also extremely helpful and healing.

Generally, before a child is fully connected to his/her new family, visits, tele calls, letters, etc are destructive and create lots of problems.

Once a child is securely attached then contact can be good...but is must be driven by the child's interests and desires; not the birth relatives or yours...if the child is not asking or showing interest; let it alone...if the child wants to send letters or calls, etc. and the child is healthy, then contact can be a positive experience.
Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman
Adoptive Parent
Specialist in Adoption and Foster care issues.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

It's No Wonder

I was looking at some past posts - this wasn't that long ago in 2006 and a reader commented on a post:
"Just close your eyes for a second and see someone drugging you and stealing your baby and then see an adoptive mother telling you to get over it....."

I know this can happen and probably still does (to a very small degree) but does this person honestly believe this is a general practice? Where is this? I know in the 50s and 60s some women were blindfolded so they would't see the baby (barbaric). Many women were "put out" and would wake up to it all "being over"....but this was done regardless if people were placing a child or's just sad in the birthmother's case because they are pregnant one minute and they wake up to everyone pretending it never happened - the last nine months was a dream. Is this what she's refering to? No one does this anymore - not for decades. No wonder there are so anti-adoption actavists if they think this happens all the time - I would protest this too. I'm sorry for anyone that had to go through anything like that.
Thank goodness that is not the "norm".
As an added tidbit I think too many happy adoptees are silent because they have nothing to complain about but we need to speak out...I only wish there was a way to get out the message. Happy adoptees really don't care about these blogs - I went most of life never knowing there was an anti-adoption sentiment....but since I started surfing, just before the adoption of our daughter, I was shocked to read so much negativity.

Since we adopted there have so many people tell me they were adopted too....people I know or some that are friends with people I know. Anytime it's brought up it seems someone is or knows someone who is....all have been happy adoptees. Even a few ladies at the social security office (when they found out we were in the office applying for a temperary number because of adoption) came over and said they were adoptees and oohed and ahhed over the baby.

We're out there - the adverage person and no one would even know.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Favorite Movies

I got this Idea from another blog and with the AFI special running last night with the top 100 movies this has been a discussion in our household. These are a list of my TOP movies:

Movies I could see over and over: (the first two are the top two - the others are random)
1. Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (with Gene Wilder)
2. Scrooge, the Musical (1970)
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Ciderella man
5. Les Miserable (Liam Neison, Jeffery Rush, Uma Thurmon--awesome movie)
6. Any of the Lord of the Rings
7. Any of the Star Wars
8. Gladiator
9. Sound of Music
10. The Bourne Movies (can't wait for Ultimatum)
11. Forest Gump (added)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Breaking Free of Guilt
Submitted by Marie ( a member of Belleview Community Church in Nashville)

When I was 10 years old, my father, who was the light of our family, not to mention everyone who knew him, died suddenly. My mother immediately became a sullen, angry, and withdrawn person. There were 7 kids in our family and 4 of us were still at home. Our life became hard and like most girls who have no active father in their lives whether they are alive or not, I sought "approval" elsewhere. At 17 I became pregnant and as soon as my mother found out, she sent me to a home for unwed mothers. Since I had just graduated from high school and had no job and basically no control of my life yet, I had to go. Being raised a Catholic, I found out later, wasn't the reason for the immense guilt I felt. It turns out that most girls in that situation, no matter their religion, feel an enormous amount of guilt. After the baby was born and I had to put her up for adoption, I came back home. It was NEVER mentioned again.Several years later I got married and had 2 more children. I found out that I was a pretty terrific mother, if I do say so myself. My kids grew up to be confident, friendly, very smart, funny and caring people, even though their father, who died 3 years ago, was a complete and total alcoholic. Which is what actually took his life. I had not told them about the adoption because I feared their respect for me would be gone.When I found myself being the super mom that I had become, the guilt of having given my first baby up for adoption got much worse. I worried that if she ever found me, she would resent me for giving her away. What if she was in a bad family situation? What if, what if, what if? It was a very strong guilt that I could do nothing about. Until one day, 2 years ago, my brother received a phone call from a man who asked about me. He took a number and gave it to me. I immediately knew what it was about so I decided that it was time to tell my kids. My son was already married and my daughter was in college. When I told them they all started crying and asked if they were going to get to meet her. Their response was nothing like I has imagined. They were so sweet, understanding and loving towards me, it completely amazed me.So I called the man back, who turned out to be her husband. The first thing he said to me was, "Before you say anything, I need to tell you something. Because of what you did, I have a perfect life. We met in high school and have been married for 11 years. We have 4 beautiful children and she is my best friend. She is the kindest, most wonderful person I have ever known." He went on to tell me that she had been raised by 2 very loving parents and that she had found out her adoption information because of being urged by him and her mother. However, she didn't want to pursue it in case I had a family who didn't know and she didn't want to cause my family any problems.After I composed myself, I called her and we talked for hours. She and her husband and their children came to Nashville a few months later and 2 times since. I went to visit them this summer. Her mother and father have invited me to their house for dinner and they have become like family. They sent me cards and flowers and thanked me more times than I can count. As have her friends, her husbands parents, and almost everyone in their lives. "Thank you" was never a phrase I thought I would ever hear when it came to this situation.My other 2 children and daughter-in-law have welcomed her, her husband and their kids into their lives and hearts like I would have never expected. They call and e-mail each other, ask each other's advice and opinions and are very excited to buy Christmas and birthday presents for their new sister, brother-in-law and nieces and nephew.They are truly wonderful people. They minister to others in need. They go to people's homes and pray with them when there has been a tragedy in their lives. They go to prisons and minister to them. They talk to people about marriage and what it takes to have and maintain a good, healthy one. They are truly some of the best people I have ever known in my life.I know that if I had tried to raise her in the situation I was in at the time, her life would not have turned out as it has and because of her true spiritual self, she has allowed me to rid myself of the guilt I have felt all these years. I thank her and thank God for this tremendous gift.

Monday, June 18, 2007

The Best Dad in The World!

We had such a wonderful Father's Day! My dad really is the best dad in the world but runner up is my husband and my daughter may fight me one day to prove the title. I could not ask for any better father or husband. My daughter loves her daddy as much as I love mine. Happy poppa's day guys!!!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Some Adoptee Statistics

Looking for some information I came upon this information I thought was interesting:

According to a 1994 study by the Search Institute, a Minneapolis-based public policy research organization providing leadership, knowledge and resources to promote healthy children, youth and communities. This study, the largest examination of adopted adolescents yet undertaken, concludes:

* Adopted children score higher than their middle-class counterparts on indicators of school performance, social competency, optimism and volunteerism.
* Adopted adolescents generally are less depressed than children of single parents and less involved in alcohol abuse, vandalism, group fighting, police trouble, weapon use and theft.
* Adopted adolescents score higher than children of single parents on self-esteem, confidence in their own judgment, self-directedness, positive view of others and feelings of security within their families.
* On health measures, adopted children and children of intact families share similarly high scores, and both those groups score significantly higher than children raised by single parents.
* Seven percent of children adopted in infancy repeated a grade, while 12 percent of children living with both biological parents repeated a grade.
* Compared with the general child population, children placed with adoptive couples are better off economically.
Great Song!

Steven Cutis Chapman is a champion for adoption ...This isn't the right season but it's an awesome song about a little boy who wants a family.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

"Not Anti-Adoption"

Just read an annoying blog and had to comment here on my own. This woman is obviously a hurting bio I do take that into consideration. But she begins by saying she is NOT anti-adoption but ends with saying all domestic adoptions are wrong except out of the Foster care system - HUH? So it's better that all the kids that cannot be taken care of go into foster care and live a few years there first? rather than having a loving good home to begin their lives? Then who is this about? YOU? Because it's not surely about the kids at this point.

I wish all bio moms could see the future and decide what's best that way. Just because they feel the need (for whatever reason it is) to place their child and then get it all together in a year it seems like then they come out saying they were coerced.

People who have infertility don't adopt to cure it....they adopt in spite of it. Where would these kids go otherwise? We're not ripping them from people's arms.... I don't want any kids to be in foster care - adopted parents adopting kids at any age are keeping them out or getting them out.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A Cell phone salesman on Britian's got Talent

Taste the Ice CREAM

When we were growing up we didn't have tons of money. We weren't poor by any means but my parents needed to be frugal. My mom used coupons and we bought off-brand things. My mom refused to spend money to buy things she could cook so we really didn't eat out much or have any store bought goodies. I would have given my right arm for a Suzy-Q or a Twinkie! I remember going to lunch the day after Thanksgiving after window shopping downtown and then going out for dinner at a nice Italian place the Saturday before Christmas eve...this was a big deal. We used to go to the drive-in movies a few times in the summer but once they tore it down we went to the movies once a year and brought our own snacks. But, my the family had a treat at least once a week from the store - Ice milk. Now it would be called low/no-fat ice cream but it was cheap and it's all we ever had. I was in charge of making the QUICK chocolate sauce with the powder and water. But, I never knew what real ice cream tasted like until I was in my teens. OH MY....that's what I had been missing all this time? I thought I really loved Ice milk but little did I know that there was this heavenly concoction.

Speaking of Heaven - I come to my point. I grew up Catholic, a pretty good kid, I thought I was a "christian". But it was Ice most so called "christians"...the people saying, "I believe in god and my god wouldn't judge people"...or "these christians who think that adoption is all in god's plan....they don't know what they are talking about". You really have no have been eating icemilk and have no idea about how good the icecream is.

A real relationship with God does not mean being perfect, it does not mean knowing all the answers. It is a relationship that you cannot understand until you have cream. How do you know that you don't have the best or need it if you have never tasted what real ice cream can be?
I speak from experience. I thought they were all crazy too, that they were manipulated, they were brainwashed but I tasted and it was good. So much better than the cheap imitation of christianity. You ice milk eaters have no idea.....I wish you could all try it and see....

Monday, June 11, 2007


Another song we sing a lot in the car.....

a one/two day appearance

I had a picture here for a day.... it was a few years ago when I was in a wedding....I barely know the guy next to me, I have all my hair piled on my head and I NEVER wear lipstick....but it was as close as I would reveal myself - heehee....:)

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Princess Petunia

When I was growing up I was the youngest and the only girl. I was the princess and my parents treated me with so much love. I was encouraged to pursue what I did well. No one in my family could draw or sing but because I enjoyed it...they bought me art supplies and I was encouraged when I sang. Some of my favorite gifts were art kits and "how to draw....." books. My brothers really had to work hard at any sport but they all came easy to me and they would be a tad jealous that I didn't have to work at it. I took baton lessons, gymnastics, dance and was on every sports team they offered. I excelled in every one but chose to keep trying new things (I guess I still do that - I don't stick with things I can do---I guess I like a challenge). I went to art school (which I wish they would have talked me out of - it didn't help me get a job after graduation), and I had a few singing lessons after I made state choir. But they loved me for whoever I turned out to be..... when I showed an interest or talent in something, everything was done to encourage what that was.

It hurts me to read about people that were expected to be what they were not because their parents wanted them to be. Maybe because they were the football star or the prom queen, maybe because they were not....whatever their reasons. Parents, adopted or not, screw up their kids when they push them to be something they are not meant to be. The kids will never feel good enough...they will have no self esteem. I've seen it too often, more in biological children than in adopted. Parents make all the difference in world when it comes to how their children turn out. They can be "good people" but can totally mess up the whole parenting thing...not even trying to.

I saw my parents disagree, have a small argument and then turn around and everything was forgiven and forgotten. There was no screaming, holding grudges, not talking to one another.,,, those kind of games mess kids up, they learn how to have a relationship from example. You have parents that bicker, or don't treat eachother with dis-respect and that's the relationship they will grow up to have. Girls will look for people like their father (whether they like it or not) and guys will be attracted to people like their moms. It's all they know. There are a few exceptions to that but if you really analyse's true. That's why too many women who had an alcoholic father or an abusive one will pick men just like it. Or kids who were abused (and they swear they will NEVER so that to their kids) - wind up being abusive. The example was set and if you don't see it and recognize it, there is no changing it.

I give my parents credit - they were exellent examples. I feel I am the person I am today because of them...%100. I know I've had some comments from some stinkers saying how aweful I am but they don't know me....maybe it's one of the reasons that comments like that don't bother me. I'm pretty sure of myself, if you haven't guessed. My parents gave me a good self-esteem.

No one in my family or my husband's family is one in our immediate ot extended family either. That's unsual today. One of my husband's cousin's kids said he is one of three kids left in his school with parents who aren't divorced....yikes! It's interesting, when I found my bios - no one in their families are divorced either. My biodad is actually a good Christian man and is a lay minister at his church. My biomom is still searching but she and her hubby are in about the same place in their journey.

It's funny that adoptees feel thay were pushed into things because their adopted parents wanted them to "be like them".....adopted and biological parents do that....that's just people.

I pray that baby J gets the same love and acceptance from us that we were given growing up. I am so excited to be able to steer her in whatever direction her talents take her.

Watch out for Princess J!
This is another one -- ignore the slide show but the music is "At Last" by EvaCassidy

It's J DAY!

This is the one year anniversary of the day we brought home our sweety....
I’m going to share a few songs I sing to her:

(If I can figure out how to put on more than one video per post)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Pant debt - VENT

Okay, I'm going to be venting in this post - so anyone not wanting to read it - just hit your backspace button and go back to whatever you were doing. I just don't like to leave comments in the anti-adoption blogs, it always looks like bullying - at least what I want to say would be. I've read the same thing on three or four blogs now.


I could ignore it when the first person wrote it because I know she just has her own philosophies and things she wants to say. But when It starts making it's rounds as some "profound saying", I needed to make my comment about it. I'm sure there are some prosective adopted parents or newly adopted parents who may read it and wonder....."hmmm, no "I" in adoption, that's fantastic - what other words of wisdom can these people impart?", well let me set it straight.

There is an "I" in parenting....but none in There is an "I" in abusive...but none in what does that mean? I could say there is no "I" in unhappy adoptee either. It all just is so silly.

There is "OPTION" in what does that mean? I could say, it's a sign. I could say - IS an option. But I'm not going to make something out of nothing.

Another word there's no "I" in: Therapy

There's a "Me" in treatment....haha. Maybe that means we should all have some?

My point is....don't let anyone tell you that adoption is not a way to make a family. And don't let anyone make you believe it doesn't work. Work through an ethical agency with good credentials and who offers counseling.

Remember, when you re-arrange "adopted parent" you get
"adore pant dept"

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Infant Memory

A comment was left by "Julie" that there weren't references on the last study- so here is some more infant memory information .......

This article gives references about studies done on "Infant Amnesia"

This really facinates me because many of the anti-adoption people believe we remember our birthmothers....I'm not taking away from the hardship they have been through but it got me thinking. I felt no connection with my birthmother (she seemed more like a stranger to me). I have said all along that I believe adoption is most difficult for the birthmoms because they remember everything. But memory is an interesting thing. This article was fascinating and the thing that stuck out to me...
The ability to form memories depends on a network of structures in the brain and these develop at different times. As the networks come together between 6 months and 18 months of life, researchers see increased efficiency in the ability to form short- and long-term memory.
This means to me that we do not have the ability to remember before around six months...

This one is about dissociation with memory:

I will continue to research this, it is so interesting.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Infant Amnesia

Someone I know turned me onto this article....very interesting.....
Miss, make sure you read this.
This is a song about a young mother who wanted a good home
for her child but wanted to be remembered as loving him.
It's not going to hit the charts but it's very sweet.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Miss and other anonymous posters

They think they are clever by having a blogger account with no blog so they can comment. It's funny really. They post on my blog, my feelings about adoption (that are actually the mainstream). At least they are reading....they are seeing that their views are not the only ones out there....that's the purpose of my posting. The funniest thing about it is they don't have the courage to post a link to their own blog. They have so much to say - I'd like to read their posts. But they would rather come on my blog and try to......I don't know what they think they are doing honestly. MISS actually needs to be on medication--or maybe she just needs some much needed sleep.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

biological history

As an adoptee I wanted to know medical history and I wanted to know what people, that I was blood related to, looked like. But when I read that people are missing out on their "biological history" I wonder....what does it matter? Who cares. That's just me.

People are sensative about too many things. I know some adoptees
have problems but is it all related to them being adopted? I don't know. People will have problems, people adopted and biological will have things that are wrong in their lives....I just can't see blaming adoption.

When you get married you become one....flesh of my flesh. My in-laws are parents, my SILs and BILs are my siblings. When you are adopted it's the same. You take on all the relatives as your own....your not "blood realted" but it doesn't matter. I never had a grandma but when I married (just dating even), I got two grandmas and they were awesome....they could not have been closer if they were "blood related"......

I feel very sorry for people biologically raised or adopted that do not feel close to their that adoption's fault?

Friday, June 01, 2007

Adoption in the media.....

BELLA - the movie
This movie is winning all sort of awards (top prize at the Toronto Film festival)
When considering Adoption:

Positive Language/Negative Language

Birthparent /Real parent
Biological parent/Natural parent
Birth child/ Own child
My child /Adopted child; Own child
Born to unmarried parents/ Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights/ Give up
Make an adoption plan/ Give away
To parent/ To keep
Waiting child/ Adoptable child; available child
Biological or birthfather/Real father
Making contact with/ Reunion
Parent /Adoptive parent
Intercountry adoption/ Foreign adoption
Adoption triad/ Adoption triangle
Permission to sign a release/ Disclosure
Search /Track down parents
Child placed for adoption/ An unwanted child
Court termination/ Child taken away
Child with special needs/ Handicapped child
Child from abroad/ Foreign child