Thursday, August 24, 2006


It's weird thinking I am adopted and now i have an adopted daughter. I talk freely about her adoption but I do not mention my own. Most people don't know that I am adopted also and try to tell me all the things she'll feel and want, etc. It cracks me up. When i talk about it they must think I've really done my reading and research.

Being adopted is no different that any other state in life. It's like someone telling me I had my tonsils out when I was 5 ----I don't remember it. It didn't hurt me and it still doesn't hurt me.....

I think my birthparents are nice, it's cool to see old pictures and even to know my 1/2 siblings but it's really not that important. I will maintain contact because it's good to know them and keep up with them but I feel no particular fondness or bond. I know my birthmom does and it kills her I don't feel the same way. My birthfather is cool and feels the same way I do. Both families are very nice.

I'm not afraid of my daughter being around my birthfather's family at all but I do not trust my birthmother to keep her mouth closed to the baby about who she is. I don't want my mom and dad to know that I even know who the birthparents are ----it will get sticky i'm sure. For now they have both seen her and adore her (who wouldn't) but she is clueless as to who they may least for now.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Bitter Birthmoms and Adoptees

We only have one life to live. We have very little time and so many people are filling up that time with bitterness and regret. It is a choice they is a mission for some.
There is one blog called "I hate adoption" adoptee who was placed with aparents who weren't good. There is another written by a birthmother who is still trying to come to terms with her relinquishment. I'm sure they don;t think about it 24/7 but these women (and many others----LOTS MORE) are affected SO much in their lives by what has happened in the past. YES, we are are past and we are changed by circumbstances but there is a choice made. Why do people who were abused as children marry abusers? That is normal to them, eventhough it's horrible, that's how things feel right. These women have had bad experiences but they live in the middle of it still.
I was adopted and I'm an adopted mom now. I want my baby to feel what I did growing up....loved, secure, happy.
I pray that other adoptees and birthmothers can put aside the past, learn from it but not live in it......

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

9 hours a day without her

I don't think I'll be able to stand it now that i have to go back to work. I don't want anyone else to see her do anything first. I saw when she first grabbed something for herself, when she found her feet, started sucking her thumb, when she started babbling and now that she's found she has a tongue - i was there for the first time she did it! I DON'T want someone to say "she xxxx for the first time today after you dropped her off" I will scream....i want it all.....and not to miss that time. Please God let me win the lottery....i'll use it wisely, i promise.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

She lights up my day....everyday

I cannot imagine my life without her. She is smiley and when she smiles with that gummy smile it makes me cry, I love her so much. I hate to talk about her being adopted with everyone we meet that knows us and has heard our news, it's like talking about her having autism or a missing limb...everyone asks stupid questions that they don't think is stupid. If one more person says "she could be yours" I think I'll scream....I usually say, "she IS ours". Why can't they just say "she looks just like you?". I don't care for us but I don't want her to get older and hear this - this is what gives adopted kids a complex. Can people be any more inappropriate? "Do you know her 'real parents'"? (this one enrages me)
Sweetcakes bio-mom is our business and her business - not anyone else's. If she wants to share info about her when she's older it's up to her....I'm not a tell-all. When asked questions like did you meet the birthparents....I just say "yes...they are both very sweet.".

It was good to hear that her bio-mom met with the social worker and picked up our first packet. She is always offered couciling whenever she would need it but when she was asked this time about it she said they didn't think they needed counciling because they met us and feel really good about where she is. That made me feel good...knowing they feel good about it.

I didn't know I had this much love in me!!!!!