Thursday, August 24, 2006

I am ADOPTED and I have ADOPTED

It's weird thinking I am adopted and now i have an adopted daughter. I talk freely about her adoption but I do not mention my own. Most people don't know that I am adopted also and try to tell me all the things she'll feel and want, etc. It cracks me up. When i talk about it they must think I've really done my reading and research.

Being adopted is no different that any other state in life. It's like someone telling me I had my tonsils out when I was 5 ----I don't remember it. It didn't hurt me and it still doesn't hurt me.....

I think my birthparents are nice, it's cool to see old pictures and even to know my 1/2 siblings but it's really not that important. I will maintain contact because it's good to know them and keep up with them but I feel no particular fondness or bond. I know my birthmom does and it kills her I don't feel the same way. My birthfather is cool and feels the same way I do. Both families are very nice.

I'm not afraid of my daughter being around my birthfather's family at all but I do not trust my birthmother to keep her mouth closed to the baby about who she is. I don't want my mom and dad to know that I even know who the birthparents are ----it will get sticky i'm sure. For now they have both seen her and adore her (who wouldn't) but she is clueless as to who they may be.....at least for now.

5 comments:

kim.kim said...

Don't your parents know that you are in contact with your mother and other family members?
I think since your daughter is adopted there is no real connection to your mother and her apart from the fact that she is your mother and loves both of you. I don't see what the problem is. Wouldn't it be in your daughter's best interest to know who your mother is and that you have a civil relationship with her?
I think it's awful that you have to juggle all these secrets. I'm sorry we have our clashes, I should have been more easy with you.
I think you are not in an easy position as an adoptee.
I hope things are still going wonderfully for you with your new daughter.
all the best
Kim

petunia said...

kimkim, i'm glad you wrote, i keep up with your blog now and then as a lurker.

My birthmom is a little diffrent, a little needy and clingy. My cousin met her birthmom and they get along famously.

I think about our daughter's birthmom all the time and can't wait to share pictures and letters. She has unfortunetly not contacted the agency and is not answering her phone so I hope she's okay and she will check in with them so we know she's okay.

kim.kim said...

You don't have to lurk, you can leave a comment if you want. I put you back on my links. Some of the things you write kind of scare me or make me go argh but another adoptee might feel validated by you. And another mother in reunion might relate to your reunion experience. It's not about me it's about sharing information.
I imagine it can't be easy for your mother, being kept a secret, being told to go and stand at a distance, I would probably get clingy in that situation or might even give up and just go away. I don't know what I would do.
I think you can't help the way you feel either. It's not your fault you were adopted adn it's not your fault you feel the way you feel.
It's good that you want to share information with your daughter's mother too and that you care about her.

Third Mom said...

Hi, found you from Kim - looking forward to reading more.

And I hope over time that you and your first mother can develop a strong and honest relationship, one in which she can openly tell your family who she is. And I hope your adoptive family welcomes her into your family some day.

It must be incredibly hard to be pulled in so many directions. Not good, and I hope it resolves soon.

Third Mom said...
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