Monday, February 27, 2006

Slavery Wasn't Wrong Then.....

We can look back now and we are amazed that anyone ever thought slavery was okay here in the United States. It's amazing that anyone thinks it's okay anywhere in the world - but some people still see no problem with "owning" another human being.....incredible. So many people thought it was okay to have slaves that this country fought a civil war and 258,000 soldiers died trying to preserve the right to own them. There was the other side as well and 360,000 soldiers died trying to abolish slavery. The coferderate soldiers and their families were not bad people, they weren't all abusers and most probably even went to church----but they were wrong. They had been told by their community and society that it was okay, it was a big business and many didn't want it to end simply because they made a lot of money from kidnapping, to transporting to selling and all the way down to the work they performed - for free.

Why do I write this? Well, I have been thinking more and more about abortion. The right to abortion reminds me of the right to own slaves. There are people on both sides. Some see it as murder and some think it's perfectly alright. Everyone is making so much money from the practice of abortion - all the way down to the protester's signs and bumper stickers. Of course the medical profession is making the most money and the government takes their cut of taxes from why should it be stopped? It even trickles down to the socio-economic advantages of not increasing the population even more.

We won't have a civil war over this and no one will get killed (accept the millions of babies that still lose their lives). There are wars of words however, war in politics and war on the news about protests and such. I know there are no better solutions for some people - they claim it's better for the babies to be gone than to live in poverty or with a bad mother.....that's like saying "the slaves were better off here than starving in their native land - they got fed didn't they?"

I guess we could also compare it to the holocaust - abortion is the 20th and 21st century holocaust. The german people ignored it all, some were afraid to say anything, some didn't want to know about it - that way it was easy to ignore - someone else's problem. The nazi party had medical professionals too that knew how to get "rid" of unwanted human beings. Eleven million people were "exterminated".... Now we look back horrified....

A million shoes left behind by victims of the holocaust

I know people look at abortion like it's okay - society, the law - all telling us it's okay to "choose" to have an abortion. One day people will look back on this time like we look back on slavery and extermination of the Jews during the holocuast.....they will be amazed that so many people thought it was okay. That so many people remained silent for so long all because of selfishness and the almighty dollar......that's what it boils down to. They will show pictures of ripped apart body parts, little severed arms and legs in a medical bag - ready to be thrown in the dump.

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Queen of Everything

There are people who feel important because of their jobs or their money or their popularity. I feel important because of my parents. My mom and dad always treated me like a princess, the most important things in their life - Like "The Queen of Everything". My friend K reminded me of that today. I was royalty in my house. When i was really little my two older brothers even treated me like I was something special. My first word was my oldest brothers name because he wanted to wait on me hand and foot. Shoot, i didn't walk until i was 18 months old because I was carried everywhere. Why should i learn to walk? I picture it now like The Queen of Sheeba in one of those covered things carried by slave boys.....ahhhhh, where are all my slaveboys now?

It started off as a discussion about fear - kids don't have enough reverant fear today. I was afraid to do bad things growing up. I was afraid to talk back to teachers or disobey my parents. They never did anything to show me they would be mean or punishing if i did do somthing bad - i just had a reverant fear of doing the wrong thing. I said i did not do things to please my parents but I never thought about it because everything i did pleased my parents and I suppose i liked that so i continued to please. I guess that's the way it should be..........

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Anyone that knows me, knows i like to try anything that is new (preferable it has to have "new" written somewhere on the package in colorful letters). Advertising people know what that does to people like me ---i see it and I'm SO upset I might miss something wonderful that I buy it. My dear husband laughs at me....he doesn't understand.

For years I have been interested in healthy foods but i have come across too many so called "healthy" foods to know that most of them will not taste good. However, if it is new and untried by me, or especially if it has "new" on the lable I will most likely have to try it. I resist this as much as possible....usually for me if it says "all natural", "raw foods" or is sold at a healthfood store, it probably won't taste good. The only reason i write all this is i came across a blog talking about Larabars. That feeling came over me and i wanted to order some because they are new and they are "healthy". I still can't figure out what they really are but i had to look up their website, read all about it and i caught myself in the middle of calling a local heathfood store to see if they carry them.......what is wrong with me?? Am i obsessed with new foods? I think i might have a problem......"I will NOT buy these bars, I will NOT buy these bars....."

Monday, February 20, 2006

The weekend gallbladder blues
The weekend just kept getting better - i had finished my blog entry and WHAM - i felt better. At exactly the time i was supposed to be at her house - weird. I know it wasn't anxiety, i've had that too many times before. It was a gallbladder attack. I've looked it all up on the internet - i have the classic symptoms and have been having them for years - just ignoring them.

I felt better - not %100 better but good enough to clean up the house and start the food for my evening guests. I had already called my friend and told her i would be laying in bed that night and my husband would have to entertain. That's not difficult when it's two woman - one in her 50s the other in her 90s. I man in his 70s and a Brother (like a male nun) who's in his 60s and SO interested in a real meal. But, as it were, i was okay. I seared the chuck roast on all sides and put it in the pan with lipton onion soup mix all over it and 3-4 cups of water. I set the temp. at 200 degrees and put it in at 11am. I thought for sure the meat would cook good and long all day and would fall apart by 6pm. The first guests arrived at 4 - they were not supposed to be there until 5 so my husband was in the shower with his clothes all over the lower level (in his usual flare). I hadn't started the appetizer or gotten some things out - ARG! I yelled at her and i didn't know her date.....

We had a lovely time but at 5:30 when i went to add the already cooked vegetables, the meat wasn't near done - OH MY GOODNESS - it had been cooking since 11am!!! I added the veggies and turned the temp up to 375 degrees---by 6:30 i was ready to serve it but it was the CHEWIEST meat i had ever had and the guests were all old! The poor ninty year old cut it up in such small pieces and pushed it around her plate the whole dinner. Everything else was good - but HOW EMRARASSING!

I talked to the biomom this morning and she said her mom had her gallbladder out in her 70s - she had hers out in her 50's and now (guess what?) I'll probably have to have it out in my 30s. Her attack came in the middle of the night and between her shoulder blades - after eating cabbage....freaky huh? Well i thanked her for my gallbladder and my bad knees....laughed and said she was glad she could give me something to remember her by. I told her i do think of her everytime i stand up from a squat and have to rub my knees.

What a legacy.........

Saturday, February 18, 2006

My bio-Gallbladder???

Last night I had a flat tire. I could see my street from where i sat on a two lane on ramp---there was NO WAY anyone was changing this tire (rear driver's side) on this ramp! It was flat too, not low - FLAT. I called T and whined and he told me to call an auto body shop by our house. "Call information and ask the auto body guy to come". The man there almost laughed at me. I said "but I can see your sign from here - couldn't someone come??? No, he didn't have the equiptment---an auto body store didn't have the equiptment to change a tire.....huh?????

So we had to call for a tow truck. When i told the woman I could see my street and i was only about 500-600 yards from the house she told me we could get a discount. It would be $80 instead of $87.95----spare me the kindness!!! The man was old, gnarled and very sweet. I was just anxious top get home since it was 13 degrees. T showed up just as we got home and he took off the tire ----you know what was in it???? A drill bit - a big fat drill bit! Okay, I have now had a drill bit and a scewdiver through a tire......weird.

Then we turned around and we went to an Irish was okay. We sat down about 8:30 to eat - everyone else was drinking and SMOKING.....yuck. I had corned beef and cabbage. We stayed (Ts work cronies were there) and even played in a radio station promo to make up a toast with the word Guiness in it. The guy at the promo table looked familiar and we established he was at my house when we won the TV, sound-system and dinner for 14 on oscar night a few years back. I thought my toast was the best----"May the road rise up to meet you and the Guiness always be on draft" Okay, I stole the first line from an old Irish blessing - but hey, it stuck with the Irish theme....

We left when we didn't win the $500 (the toast that won was stupid and was about 20 lines long) and we went to the grocery store for tonight's dinner with friends, when all of a sudden about 11:30pm my stomach started to have pain in it-right under my sternum. I felt sort of sick but it was more pain than nausia or anything.
I went home almost doubled over--i've never felt this sort of thing before. Also my shoulder blade had been hurting all day. When i moved that shoulder i would feel sick....i wonder if this is connected??? I went to bed holding a heated rice filled bag. I woke up feeling fine except my mouth tasted aweful from the Pepto Bismal (and my tounge was black). So i got up to go brush my teeth and was doubled over again. It felt terrible but it seemed to ease when i laid down. I drank milk - nothing. I needed to make a decision about going to my biomom's for lunch---exchanging Christmas goodness that scarf won't do her mother much good in the summer!

I called her and apologized profusely but said i was too sick to come- she told me she suffered with gallbladder problems for years like this------yikes, is that what this is? i inherited gallbladder problems??!!!

she was upset but gracious....i hate hurting people's feelings!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Christmas in February at Biomom's

We are having lunch at her house this weekend. I never really know how i feel about it. I like them....they are nice. I go because i guess i want to stay connected somehow. But, i think i go mainly for her. I'm thankful she gave me life and gave me a chance. I'm thankful for what i look like and my artistic talents and being able to eat what i want without exercising. For my low cholesterol and good skin. I don't know her and feel no connection. I am thankful they are all so nice and accepting of the weird circumstance that we are all together once or twice a year. The girls have to explain me to their friends and the relatives all look at me so oddly......But i know she deserves more - i just can't give it. I feel more of a connection with my adopted family strangly enough, a connection of growing with them instead of inside her. She may feel so much more and that makes me sad. But i can't help the way i feel. Do other adoptees just WANT a connection or do they really feel it? Do they feel an obligation to love them or do they? I look forward to this weekend and dread it all the same.....

Thursday, February 16, 2006

365 Million Dollars

I'm usually not a person who thinks about the lottery....i play once in a while when i have heard that a jackpot is high (probably the worst time to play - lowest odds), i turn the televion to a different station when the ping pong ball numbers are airlifted into their slots, i cringe when the guy ahead of me at the gas station lays down $40 on th counter for tickets and he looks like he could use some new shoes. BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>365 million dollars has cought my attention!

Okay - what would YOU do with that money?? You have to figure that you will only get 1/2 if you take the cash.....that's 182.5 million - then %40 for taxes - that brings us down to 109.5 million-----after it's all said and done. (you can tell i've spent too much time thinking about this this morning)----it's nothing to sneeze at.....I would take 1 millino and be SO thrilled! WOULD you spend 109.5 million dollars???? - please post in comments.....

I would first get a good lawyer and an even better accountant (a clever one). Most of the money would go into some sort of mutual funds, stocks, CD's etc. I would buy a house for our friends from Iraq with 7 bed rooms - one for every kid to get their own....I would buy a brand new - awesome house with a lot of rooms for us- because then i would go and adopt older children in other countries. I see pictures of these kids and my heart breaks......they need someone to love them----HERE WE ARE!!! I would also help build good housing for orphans in other countries.....i couldn't adopt them all but i could give them a better place to live by God....

I don't know what else i would do.....but that's the first thing in my head...............

Okay - what would you do?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

What DID Happen to America's Jesus?

Scanning other blogs - I come across interesting things. There was a link I thought would be really good but it turned out to be quite liberal and wonting. What has happened to America's Jesus? is an article written by some columist from the DesMoines Register. I'm sure he's in DesMoines for a reason. However, I thought people in the midwest were still sensible.

The problem is America's Jesus IS different. But not in the way this guy writes about. America's Jesus is different because people use Jesus, or religion, as they see fit. In a way he was right when he wrote about how some televangalists get their money (or everyone elses). Jesus would NOT have agreed to Gay Rights but He would have loved them and included them in His activities. He WOULD NOT have thrown rocks at two men walking hand in hand! He would have loved them (love the sinner but hate the sin). What people have forgotten is that IF you believe in Jesus - He comes with a "rule book" and you can't just believe in any sort of Jesus you want. If you believe in Jesus you must weigh things by scripture. The WWJD isn't a catchy phrase it is what you should ask yourself.

As far as going to Italy....nothing against anyone in Italy - but it sounds to me they are "Christians in name" it's all just part of their culture" - these people he knows have a lot of symbols of Christianity around them but do they have a relationship with their creator? Do they know what it feels like to have walk in the footsteps of Jesus himself (spiritually speaking).

YES Jesus is Prolife, Pslam 139: 13 & 16 "Thou has covered me in my mother's womb. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unformed and in thy book they all were written, the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them." God knew us before we were born and He has plans for us.....even if we have a short life - it is HIS decision, not ours how long that life is. Another reason why suicide is wrong!

Stem cell research is wrong if you are using embyos - they are using human beings that don't get the chance to grow and live. Someone stopped the process for their own - Embryonic stem cells have NOT helped ONE person or been used to come up with one cure. Adult stem cells have been more helpful - why not concentrate on that????

I could go on and on but u do want to say - being prolife and being for the death penalty DO NOT conflict with eachother. Justice is Justice.

That's enough from me - this article angered me, and made me sad......It makes me realize that being a Christian is hard. Too many people don't want to work at it.....want to make up their own rules. None of us are perfect, we are sinner but only because of HIS grace are we worth anything. Let Him in, Let Him lead and feel the Joy from so deep down there is no explination.....

Monday, February 13, 2006

Some Are Okay With Fully Open, Some Are Not

That goes for the biomoms and the adopted parents.
Some people need a fully open adoption and some do not. People need to find a good "match", not meaning the baby, but themselves - they need to be on the same page as far as how much openness they want/need. Those woman who need a fully open adoption think that everyone should feel the same way they do. They cannot understand that anyone would not want what they want. There are many people out there in good adoptions - open, semi-open and closed. There are all different personalities and everyone wants something different.
Semi open adoption:
"Both families need to be sensative to eachother's positions and establish a relationship grounded in trust. Birthparents need to trust that the adopted family will love this child as their own."

I feel a birthparent needs to be in the background and let the adopted parents- parent. The adopted parents need to be faithful with supplying the birthparents with information and be open to one day sharing as much information as the child desires. I want my child to meet their biological mother, father, siblings etc. But not until their are old enough. I do think there needs to be reform and everyone should have access to their records at 21...... As their parents i want to feel that they are old enough to handle meeting them and all that it entails. I know from experience about the whole meeting process and a person needs to be mature enough to handle all it entails.

So don't be angry and say - EVERYONE should have an open adoption. They should do what's best for them. Yes, there are people who are coerced - that's awful. I would not want an adoption that the mother isn't fully counciled by knowledgable licenced councilors and talked to women who have a succesful adoption that is open, semi-open and closed so they can choose for themselves. That's what my agency does and that's how it should be.......

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Nude, Naked, In the Buff, disrobed, peeled,unclad, unclothed, undressed, uncovered

We all have different views and feelings about nudity, being naked, being undressed (whatever). I, myself, grew up with two brothers and I am SO private. 12 years of infertility you think i could show my hoohoo without being emabrrased but I can't. As the OB chats away asking me how my summer was "please move down toward the end of the table", I try to imagine I am on a beach with a tall glass of something - oh I don't know, maybe a margarita or a what? wider?---oh my goodness, can you die of all the blood rushing to your face? Where was I, oh yes, on the beach with my drink. The waves are rushing into shore and the sun is beating down on my face and I feel, I feel, a cold instrument up inside me - OW! Think hot sun, oils, cabana boys bringing me another drink and, and, oh the urine sample I brought in with me? It's on the table over there.....they turn and go - "see you when you get dressed". What's the feeling when they leave? Relief? I'm not sure, i was just starting to enjoy my margarita.......

Now going to the doctor or getting a mamogram (don't even get me started on that pancake factory) is a little different that just plain being unclothed. I mean, who really has the nessecity to not have any clothes on in public....unless you plan it by going to a nudist camp or go to a nude beach. But I will tell you - there is freedom and a wonderful feeling of not having any clothes on outside. Now before you think bad of me - i will explain:

We went to Florida with my SIL and BIL and their kids. We rented a house "near" the beach over the internet. We should have read the signals and knew it wasn't "on the beach" but we were new to internet renting and didn't know any better. We drove up to the landlord's house and she would let us follow her to the place. When we pulled up to the address not knowing what we would find, we were already pretty ticked off that it was two - three blocks away from the road that you had to cross and about 100 yards of beach to the water. The outside of the place looked hideous! We were so angry getting out of that van - we just knew this was going to be bad, we were ready to not stay there and tell the lady to go take a leap.......when she opened the door onto the most beautifully lanscaped little backyard. It was full of flowers and plants and pretty little peaceful. The house itself, too was quaint, small but so nice. It was a pleasant surprise. The best part about it all though was a large enclosed outdoor shower. At first i was horrified that people would take a shower outside. Surely this was just for rinsing off.....but oh, what a treat. I tell you - those showers were the best i've ever had. The first time i took one I stood there in the buff with the sun shining down on me and i thought this was a slice of heaven! I said outoud "I'm naked and I'm outside!!" laughing to myself, i wondered how sheltered I was. Maybe other people have been naked outside - skinny dipping or whatever....
but for me this was a revelation. Granted, i would never do it again unless i had a shower like that (all enclosed) was delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay - more naked-----
I got to thinking about this because I read SO CLOSE 's blog (not one i normally read but just happen to come across it) and it got me thinking.

I don't think I'm as weird about other people's nudity because I had to draw nudes in college. It's funny, because there is a difference----that's why we don't say "I drew naked's" or "i drew naked people". Nude is just a way of saying it wasn't dirty or nasty.

Read all the words in the title again and see what each one of them make you think.....each one is another kind of nudity. The images you get in your head of "unclothed" is very different than the one "naked" evokes. So what about children? I ran around without a shirt on when i was 5 or 6. there's film of all of the family coming back after gonig to the zoo in 103 degrees. We had a hose on outside and my cousin and I just had on a pair of shorts - it was so cute. Lord, you couldn;t do that now - someone would be arrested! I head someone got in trouble for turning in film of their 1 year old naked and standing in the tub-----please! They can show Victoria Secret models that have so little on your don;t even have to use youe imagination but a baby in the tub is not allowed? What about the Discovery channel? I've seen whole families of nude sit because they are natives? that sounds racist....they should ahve their dignity and not be shown on TV right? If we can't see a one year old caucasion baby standing in the tub why is it okay to show a three year old from a far away land running throught the woods with nothing on but what they born with?

Okay, now I'm just babbling............time for sleep.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Adopted Mothers are Like Turtles

NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa , officials said.

The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.

"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park , told AFP.
"After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately , it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added. "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.

This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another . We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God - Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Getting To Know Me

[1]When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside? Never
[2] When was the last time you saw one of your parents? Both last saturday - for lunch
[3] Which family member do you most resemble? my bdad - i guess, more than anyone else
[4] Do you wear cologne/perfume?Love Blue, Jlo's and Happy
[5] Do you wear deodorant? Well, i do but don't really need to
[6] Do you ‘clean up nice’? My husband says i look great all the time - lol
[7] When was the last time you tripped and fell? This past summer I was at the gas station and filling up my tires at night. I tripped over the airhose and WHOMP i was on the ground - fast. It was so embarrasing but the other customers either didn't see or pretended not to. IT HURT!
[8] Where was the last place you slept besides your home? My In-Laws in the country
[9] What are you listening to right now? Unfortunately i'm hearing Kelly Clarkson sing "A moment Like This" on the radio in the lobby at work
[10] Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire? As a matter of fact I was blamed for one but it was actually two other girls playing with matches. We were about 10 or 12 and a girl i was with saw two girls down by the creek. We walked down there and they were striking matches right under a HUGE line of bushes. I told them to stop and it was dangerous (always the cautious one) but they started a fire. We tried to put it out but it quickly got out of hand. We all ran and my friend and I went into my house yelling "Fire, Fire". My moterh didn't beleive us but then saw it and called the Fire department. They came and put it out with seconds to spare or it would have burned down an old man's house. We decided NOT to tell our parents who the girls were....Stupid - they told that I did it! I was the only one who went down with my mother to apologize to the old man at the corner.
[11] Ever run out of gas on the road?never (not yet anyway)
[12] Would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves? RAKE - i HATE cutting the grass (and i start sneezing!)
[13] Your name spelled backwards? DUM
[14] What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A cute video of two cats in china....really dumb
[15] Last time you swam in a pool? I do not believe in public bathing. The last straw was a few years ago when we went to a public pool and saw a VERY hairy man with oil all over him slowly waiding into the pool---the lower he got the more back hair and oil skimmed the top of the water----it made me wretch and i vowed NEVER to go to another public pool!
[16] Have you ever been in a school play? Yes, i was in Oliver but i quit my senior year because the nun LOVED one of the girls who COULD NOT sing and put her in the lead - yuck!
[17] How many kids do you want?Lots (question should be - how many will i have?--one, if we are ever chosen )
[18] Type of music you dislike most?Classic country
[19] Are you registered to vote?Yes - on my 18th birthday!
[21] Ever prank call anybody? Yes - once, when i was a teen and stupid, a bunch of us decided to have one girl call this guy's house and tell his mom we were his girlfriend (we knew her name) and she was pregnant. It was mean and i still regret it today.
[22] Best friends? K, I used to have S too but she moved
[24] Do you have a garden? no - i have black thumbs
[25] What’s your favorite comic strip? I don't ever get to read the comics. When i was little I used to like Hagar, Dagwood and Beetle Bailey
[26] Bath or shower, morning or night? Shower only and night. I wash my hair in the morning. I think baths are kind of gross - bathing in your own filth - yuck
[27] Best movie you’ve seen in the past month? Cinderella Man (watched it twice)
[28] Favorite pizza topping? Black olives, green peppers and onion
[30] What color lipstick do you usually wear? Don't wera alot of lipstick but if i do - i want it to show - something dark red
[31] Have you ever smoked peanut shells?What kind of question is that??? Can you actually DO that? Where have I been?
[32] Orange juice or apple? Orange juice first - but i like both - especially fresh apple juice from Trader Joe's
[33] Favorite type of chocolate bar? Dove dark chocolate
[34] When was the last time you voted at the polls? To keep marriage between and man and a woman only
[35] Last time you ate a home-grown tomato? This summer - all my seniors give them to me--LOVE THEM
[36] Are you a good cook? I guess i can be if i want to - I'm not very motivated and DH will eat anything
[37] Ever order anything from an infomercial? YES!! I Love infomercials - just ordered "The Bullet" - it purees anything and also juices and blends
[38] Sprite or 7-up? Sprite
[39] Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Only at Hardee's when i was 16 - I HATED the polyester brown pants!
[40] Ever thrown up in public? Not since i was a baby
[41] Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?" I would rather be happy than rich - but secretly i would rather be both!!
[42] Do you believe in love at first sight? NO- only lust at first site--love is a decision and knowing a lot about the person
[43] Can exes be friends? I don't know - i don't have any really
44] Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My SIL when she had a hysterectomy
[45] Did you have a lot of hair as a baby? TONS - still do
[46] What message is on your answering machine? We are not able to come to the phone right now, if you leave your name and number we'll get right back to you....
[47] What do you think about most? Just living, the present - i keep busy so I don't think too much
[48] Favorite form of travel? FLYING!!! There is no other way
[49] How many forms of travel have you used? name them: 7--boat, ferry, car, van, bus, plane, bike
[50] Ever drink rotten milk? Yes, just thinking about it makes me gag! But i do have a funny story about rotten milk. We went through a phase of buying organic milk (i still think we should but it spoils too fast) and we had invited the youth pastor and his girlfriend over for dinner. I'll not forget it becuase i had made peach bombs (baking the peaches whole with the pit in pie crust and covering it with sauce). I didn't think they would want milk with the dessert but when she asked for some i warned them it was organic. She was going to refuse and i kept on about how it's no different than other milk - you just dont; get all the chemicals. It was a brand new carton and i put some in a glass for her to try. She made a face and said it was aweful but i gave her SO much trouble how it was all in her mind etc. He took a drink too and really made the face. I went on and on about them being crazy- all in their heads. I took the glass back into the kitchen and poured a little to taste it, did i forget and it really was that much different? I almost threw up in the sink - it was rotten! I went out to the dining room and said - "no wonder, it was spolied!" and bothe at the same time, as if it were choriographed, leaned forward gagging and wrteching----it was SO FUNNY! Okay.....I guess you had to be there.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Adoptee Subliminal Memories

Getting my bachelor degree and throughout graduate school I was facinated with psychology. I did a few studies and wrote a few papers on learning within the womb. I remember my SIL was pregnant at the time and we tried all the experiments on her. I made her wear head phones on her belly..... and that baby (i am not kidding) sang harmony when we sang Happy Birthday at her first birthday party.

I found studies the French did in the late 70s early 80s about learning in the womb. They had the mother read a story every night, then measured their response after birth with a "Suck-0-meter". (When babies are pleased they suck more). After they were all hooked up - the father read the story the mother had read for months every night. Then a stranger read it, then the mother. They also had those three people read a totally new story. The effects were evident---Mother 1st - the baby recognized the mothers voice. That most people could get. But, what is amazing is the baby liked the stranger reading the same story, it had heard for months, more than the mother reading a different story. So - they say that the child took recognition of a story over the mothers voice. Interesting. The baby learned and remembered in the womb.

These studies caught the attention of more researchers:

Dr. Thomas Verny from Toronto broke the ice in the 80s with publishing "The Secret Life Of The Unborn Baby" He's now published a new book called "Tomorrows Baby" where he claims our first memory is when the egg and sperm meet---i think that's funny.

Dr. David Chamberlain wrote the book "The Mind Of Your Unborn Baby" He has studied about this for 20 years and has published more than 50 papers on the subject.

"According to researchers everything from sitcom theme songs heard throught the mothers belly to arguments during labor are stored away in their brains"

I found a site with some information on it HERE.

All this information is more interesting when thinking about adoption

It's saying to the birthmothers - your babies remember you deep down - they know your voice and they remember all that you went through before their birth. It may be subliminal and deep down but it's there and has an influence on the person they have become.

It's saying to the adoptee that they may have some problems in their lives because of the things your birthmother went through before you were born. Anxiety, deep sadness, anger, etc.....they are things that could negatively affect you now. (And you know they are things that most likely our birthmothers felt more instensly than other pregnant woman before our birth). However, you know there hopefully was joy and happines and laughter too. I think if they had more of the latter you are healthier psychologically now.

It's saying to adopted parents that learning is important --you could ask the birthmother to read a particular book or play music to the child before they are born. That way they know you will also read that book to the baby or play that same music--it may make them feel like they have given their child something they will keep with them forever and a comfort to the adopted mom as they bond with the baby.

I wonder why these studies have not been circulated in the adoption community?

I asked my biomom and she said she was happy most of the time during her pregnancy- spending time with her friends and ignoring the eventual adoption plan. The last three months she was at a maternity home but she still tried to get along with all the other girls and made friends, trying not to think about it. So, she had little anxiety and real sadness until after the birth. Hmmmmm....may be why I'm not sad, bitter, hurt etc. I have very few emotional issues. This is also attributed to my parents - wonderful and encouraging but it's intersting to think about.

So, we already know that drugs, alcohol, smoking and food have an affect on the baby in the womb but now we also know that other things, having to do with the senses, also affect these babies for their whole lives.

Monday, February 06, 2006


Okay, before you get all upset - there are some wonderful woman out there - i know because one of them is one of my very best friends and I have also read a few blogs that are lovely. These woman have come to terms with the adoption, their past, their decision and as kim kim wrote so eloquently:

"Let me be thankful for what I have and not sad for what happened. Let me see that I have a husband who loves and supports me rather than a family that has discarded me. Let me see all the gifts I have developed rather than the fears that hold me back. Let me see my beauty and intelligence rather that all my shortcomings. And let me see that my daughter is now in my life rather than was gone for all those years. I want to see the light not the darkness. I want to walk with hope and gratitude not with my head down. I am alive and I survived a lot and I will overcome my fears and obstacles, really I will."

What a great attitude to have. Good for you!

But....there are a few scary people out there. Not taking anything away from what they did...they gave up a baby so that child could have a better life-----------but these ladies are ANGRY and BITTER and SO against adoption....REALLY against it. They don't care about anything but how they feel and think everyone should feel that way.

If you search for "adoption" you will find a mixture of pro and con sites and i was amazed at how many there were against adoption. PLEASE----do they hear themselves??? Not everyone had bad experiences. YES, it's always going to be hard to give up your own child. YES, you will think about that child forever. Does that mean you cannot lead a normal life and keep living----NO---there are tens of thousands of people doing it. It's just these few that are SO affected by what happen to them they punish everyone. I feel so bad for them - so hurt and wish they did not have to live with such hurt.

I am paranoid, yes. But with my luck, & with the way God handles things..... He would do it just so I can learn to be sympathetic, so I can be their friend, so I can love them. I DO GOD---I love these woman who unselfishly look at their lives and decide they cannot parent.....that they want more for that child than what they can offer them. I Love that these woman see it as a child who needs care and love and a home not just a ball of flesh that can be discarded. I Love that these woman can care SO MUCH. Maybe that's what's wrong, when everything is okay in their lives they want to turn back the clock. I can't blame them. But everything is for a reason, everything happens for a reason.....everything.

I just want to be a mommy. I just want to love a child and help raise a great that so wrong?? There is a child that needs us as their parents because someone else cannot do it. WE'RE HERE!

I didn't want to do an international adoption because at some point, later in their lives, i want them to be able to find their bios and get their medical histories, see what they look like, meet their 1/2 siblings, I did. I don't want the biomom to hate me for "stealing" her baby. (I have read it out exactly that way).

My own bio is nice, she has realized i don't want much more than an aquaintenship and she respects that - even though she wants much more. I feel sorry for her - she carried me in her for 9 months, held me, fed me and gave me up. I don't remember her, don't know her and don't feel close to her. But she doesn't hate everyone because of that. She is at peace knowing she did the right thing - they both think i've turned out much better than they could have done...... sometimes it's more than just about you....It's about a child's life...... no matter the cost.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

I was one of those adoptees that didn't really know she was adopted.

There are four types of telling/not telling for adopted parents-
1. the parents who never told their children they were adopted - big secret
2. The parents who told their child once when they were smaller - or even talked about it when they were little but stopped by 2 or 3.
3. The parents who talk about it only when nessecary
4. Those who talk about it all the time

My parents were the number 2s - I guess. There was a time when i thought they never told me and i found out on my own. That didn't bother me a bit....they love me and didn't want me hurt (1960s). But since we started this whole adoption thing they have mentioned it a few times. It always shocks me and i try to change the subject. I NEVER want them to think I don't love them and appreciate them....they are my mom and pop - always.
I have found my bios but they are mere aquaintances, nice people who gave me my start.

I know there are a bunch of birthmothers out there cringing as they read. I am sorry that you had to go through what you did - i'm sure from your side it's horrible and you think about it every day. But from my side ----i don't know her, i don't remember her. My mom held me, my dad played with me, they both scolded me and taught me everything i know. I only have the genes of my first mother and maybe the same facial structure.....that's all. We are nothing alike, we don't even look the same.

I can't imagine it from a bithmothers point of view and they can't imagine it from mine.

Not really knowing I was adopted was not a horrible thing for me and the people you read about in books and on blogs are the people who have problems with it, who have had a bad time with it all and many are bitter. The only reason i write is because we are now adopting and i want to remember all my feelings about it. I find so many upset, mad, bitter, people on blogs who cannot live their lives the way they should because of their circumbstances. Choices that were made - or made for them. Life is only a breath and they are wasting it on all this abd emotions. I'm not trying to say "just get on with your lives and forget" just "get on with your lives and live".

Most do not understand never being able to concieve, going (in our case) for 12 years of once a month heartbreak---like losing a child once a month----how would you like that?

I lost many children---i really lost count. One day i will see them all in heaven....but do i weep? Do I cast judgement on others? No---i trust in the God that made me, i trust in His plan for my life and I trust that one day I will hold a baby in my arms that i WILL claim as my own because i will be the one that feeds and shelters and loves and cherishes that child.

I am my parents child and no one else can claim me.