Friday, February 17, 2006

Christmas in February at Biomom's

We are having lunch at her house this weekend. I never really know how i feel about it. I like them....they are nice. I go because i guess i want to stay connected somehow. But, i think i go mainly for her. I'm thankful she gave me life and gave me a chance. I'm thankful for what i look like and my artistic talents and being able to eat what i want without exercising. For my low cholesterol and good skin. I don't know her and feel no connection. I am thankful they are all so nice and accepting of the weird circumstance that we are all together once or twice a year. The girls have to explain me to their friends and the relatives all look at me so oddly......But i know she deserves more - i just can't give it. I feel more of a connection with my adopted family strangly enough, a connection of growing with them instead of inside her. She may feel so much more and that makes me sad. But i can't help the way i feel. Do other adoptees just WANT a connection or do they really feel it? Do they feel an obligation to love them or do they? I look forward to this weekend and dread it all the same.....

4 comments:

kime said...

The goal of an adoptive family and the birth parents should be that the adopted child feel exactly as you do!!! At least in my opinion. You feel the connection with those who parented you. Don't feel guilty about that. That is what I hope for the child I placed up for adoption. He owes me nothing. I gave him life, but his adoptive parents gave him a family.

Cookie said...

I completely disagree with Kime's opinion. Adopted children sometimes feels connections to the families who raised them - sometimes not. I know adoptees who feel both ways.

Same for birth families. Some adoptees have strong connections with them, some not. But, raising a child does not guarantee an exclusive connection or een any connection.

Neither does giving birth, but,often even after years of being separated bond does still exist. Those bonds are undeniable.

There is room in the hearts of many adoptees for birth and adoptive families. It does not need to be either one or the other. I gave my son life, his adoptive parents raised him and now we both love and are part of an extended family. He does not owe me anything, but he wanted to know me and now he does.

I have to wonder Petunia if you feel little to nothing about your birth family just due to your preconceived ideas (like Kime's)of what makes a family. You sound hostile and uninterested in a connection to your birth family. And that has to affect any bond - yet you continue contact. Puzzling almost.

petunia said...

Cookie, i understand the point you are trying to make but I respect the way that you feel and I hope you respect the way I feel (and Kime). I have an interest in my birthfamily. I did want to see people who i look like (but I don't), people who i thought i would have a connection with. I meet with her once a year and e-mail periodically out of respect for her and giving me life. It's the least I can do - she desperetly wanted me to "re-join" her family but I can only give her what i can give. I don't feel a physical or mental connection, really. A lot of it is plain curiosity.

angel said...

I tend to be on the same page as you petunia. Although I have yet to meet my birth family, I can't imagine that they will ever connect with me the way my family does. Friends of ours comment on how exceptionally close we are (the siblings especially). Having said that, I wonder if I don't feel the need to connect with my birth family because of the bond I have with my family.
I will be open minded when I meet, if I get the chance. I do want to see someone who looks like me, to know genetic and medical information, and answers to questions I've been asking for years but I don't really desire anything more. That may sound harsh, but I honestly don't feel the need and at times the idea that I make contact and my birth family wants 'more from me than Im willing to give' kind of makes me shy to the whole thing?

ps. Im adding you to my links!