Monday, February 06, 2006

Birthmothers


Okay, before you get all upset - there are some wonderful woman out there - i know because one of them is one of my very best friends and I have also read a few blogs that are lovely. These woman have come to terms with the adoption, their past, their decision and as kim kim wrote so eloquently:

"Let me be thankful for what I have and not sad for what happened. Let me see that I have a husband who loves and supports me rather than a family that has discarded me. Let me see all the gifts I have developed rather than the fears that hold me back. Let me see my beauty and intelligence rather that all my shortcomings. And let me see that my daughter is now in my life rather than was gone for all those years. I want to see the light not the darkness. I want to walk with hope and gratitude not with my head down. I am alive and I survived a lot and I will overcome my fears and obstacles, really I will."

What a great attitude to have. Good for you!

But....there are a few scary people out there. Not taking anything away from what they did...they gave up a baby so that child could have a better life-----------but these ladies are ANGRY and BITTER and SO against adoption....REALLY against it. They don't care about anything but how they feel and think everyone should feel that way.

If you search for "adoption" you will find a mixture of pro and con sites and i was amazed at how many there were against adoption. PLEASE----do they hear themselves??? Not everyone had bad experiences. YES, it's always going to be hard to give up your own child. YES, you will think about that child forever. Does that mean you cannot lead a normal life and keep living----NO---there are tens of thousands of people doing it. It's just these few that are SO affected by what happen to them they punish everyone. I feel so bad for them - so hurt and wish they did not have to live with such hurt.


I am paranoid, yes. But with my luck, & with the way God handles things..... He would do it just so I can learn to be sympathetic, so I can be their friend, so I can love them. I DO GOD---I love these woman who unselfishly look at their lives and decide they cannot parent.....that they want more for that child than what they can offer them. I Love that these woman see it as a child who needs care and love and a home not just a ball of flesh that can be discarded. I Love that these woman can care SO MUCH. Maybe that's what's wrong, when everything is okay in their lives they want to turn back the clock. I can't blame them. But everything is for a reason, everything happens for a reason.....everything.

I just want to be a mommy. I just want to love a child and help raise a great kid......is that so wrong?? There is a child that needs us as their parents because someone else cannot do it. WE'RE HERE!

I didn't want to do an international adoption because at some point, later in their lives, i want them to be able to find their bios and get their medical histories, see what they look like, meet their 1/2 siblings, etc.....like I did. I don't want the biomom to hate me for "stealing" her baby. (I have read it out exactly that way).

My own bio is nice, she has realized i don't want much more than an aquaintenship and she respects that - even though she wants much more. I feel sorry for her - she carried me in her for 9 months, held me, fed me and gave me up. I don't remember her, don't know her and don't feel close to her. But she doesn't hate everyone because of that. She is at peace knowing she did the right thing - they both think i've turned out much better than they could have done...... sometimes it's more than just about you....It's about a child's life...... no matter the cost.

3 comments:

kime said...

I cried when I read this!! I believe in adoption and wish that more people would see it as a viable option. You are going to make the best mom!!!! And I hope it happens soon. I pray that your 'birth mother' can let go and trust. I believe it is healthest to truely let go and give the adoptive parents full parenthood.

kim.kim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cookie said...

Petunia,

If you do not want an angry, regretful birth mom, your chances are way better if you do not pick an agency known for its slick, coercive tactics. There are plenty of red flags as far as agencies go. I can tell alot just by looking at their websites. There are many clues.

Honestly, find an agency that doesn't practice unethical, unseemly pressure tactics. Then you will have a much better chance of the other mother feeling less angst with her situation.

Also, the more open your adoption is - the more contact - the happier everyone will probably be. Open adoptions are work, but, in the long run, best for all. I believe that strongly. Think I remember you do not want an open adoption or very open? Then, plan on a birth mom who is going to feel even more regretful, more sad and more gypped out of her child. Closed adoptions are worse for causing those feelings. Or start an open adoption and then close it - that's a sure guarantee for a super angry birth mom.

Ask if you want to know how to find agencies that don't have reputations for taking advantage of young pregnant women. There are some - not too many I do not believe - that are ethical, moral and REALLY have the child's best interest at heart.

Does your birth mom really feel okay that you want little to do with her? Or is that what you believe? Sad...all I can say about that. Too bad for both of you.