It hurts me to read about people that were expected to be what they were not because their parents wanted them to be. Maybe because they were the football star or the prom queen, maybe because they were not....whatever their reasons. Parents, adopted or not, screw up their kids when they push them to be something they are not meant to be. The kids will never feel good enough...they will have no self esteem. I've seen it too often, more in biological children than in adopted. Parents make all the difference in world when it comes to how their children turn out. They can be "good people" but can totally mess up the whole parenting thing...not even trying to.
I saw my parents disagree, have a small argument and then turn around and everything was forgiven and forgotten. There was no screaming, holding grudges, not talking to one another.,,, those kind of games mess kids up, they learn how to have a relationship from example. You have parents that bicker, or don't treat eachother with dis-respect and that's the relationship they will grow up to have. Girls will look for people like their father (whether they like it or not) and guys will be attracted to people like their moms. It's all they know. There are a few exceptions to that but if you really analyse it...it's true. That's why too many women who had an alcoholic father or an abusive one will pick men just like it. Or kids who were abused (and they swear they will NEVER so that to their kids) - wind up being abusive. The example was set and if you don't see it and recognize it, there is no changing it.
I give my parents credit - they were exellent examples. I feel I am the person I am today because of them...%100. I know I've had some comments from some stinkers saying how aweful I am but they don't know me....maybe it's one of the reasons that comments like that don't bother me. I'm pretty sure of myself, if you haven't guessed. My parents gave me a good self-esteem.
No one in my family or my husband's family is divorced....no one in our immediate ot extended family either. That's unsual today. One of my husband's cousin's kids said he is one of three kids left in his school with parents who aren't divorced....yikes! It's interesting, when I found my bios - no one in their families are divorced either. My biodad is actually a good Christian man and is a lay minister at his church. My biomom is still searching but she and her hubby are in about the same place in their journey.
It's funny that adoptees feel thay were pushed into things because their adopted parents wanted them to "be like them".....adopted and biological parents do that....that's just people.
I pray that baby J gets the same love and acceptance from us that we were given growing up. I am so excited to be able to steer her in whatever direction her talents take her.
Watch out for Princess J!