Saturday, June 23, 2007

It's No Wonder

I was looking at some past posts - this wasn't that long ago in 2006 and a reader commented on a post:
"Just close your eyes for a second and see someone drugging you and stealing your baby and then see an adoptive mother telling you to get over it....."

I know this can happen and probably still does (to a very small degree) but does this person honestly believe this is a general practice? Where is this? I know in the 50s and 60s some women were blindfolded so they would't see the baby (barbaric). Many women were "put out" and would wake up to it all "being over"....but this was done regardless if people were placing a child or's just sad in the birthmother's case because they are pregnant one minute and they wake up to everyone pretending it never happened - the last nine months was a dream. Is this what she's refering to? No one does this anymore - not for decades. No wonder there are so anti-adoption actavists if they think this happens all the time - I would protest this too. I'm sorry for anyone that had to go through anything like that.
Thank goodness that is not the "norm".
As an added tidbit I think too many happy adoptees are silent because they have nothing to complain about but we need to speak out...I only wish there was a way to get out the message. Happy adoptees really don't care about these blogs - I went most of life never knowing there was an anti-adoption sentiment....but since I started surfing, just before the adoption of our daughter, I was shocked to read so much negativity.

Since we adopted there have so many people tell me they were adopted too....people I know or some that are friends with people I know. Anytime it's brought up it seems someone is or knows someone who is....all have been happy adoptees. Even a few ladies at the social security office (when they found out we were in the office applying for a temperary number because of adoption) came over and said they were adoptees and oohed and ahhed over the baby.

We're out there - the adverage person and no one would even know.


LeRoy Dissing said...

Everyone must be gone for the weekend P. I would have thought you would be inindated with comments over this post - both for and against!

Tishslp said...

There are happy adoptees and angry adoptees. Anger is, IMO anyway, more.....what's the word?.....energizing, I guess. People often do more to advocate for or against something when they are angry than when they are happy.

I don't have a problem with angry adoptees....I can listen to them and try to understand where their anger comes from. I can evaluate and re-evaluate how our family approaches adoption in an attempt to avoid similar pitfalls for our children. I can offer comfort to the best of my ability. I WANT to offer comfort to someone who is obviously so hurting and angry. It can't be a good feeling.

What I don't understand is why some angry people are so surprised and offended when their angry and inflammatory statements about ALL adoptions are recieved in a negative light. Most people, when their parenting skills or family-building methods are criticized are going to be defensive and/or angry. It seems like angry people (adoptees or not, to be fair) want endless opportunites to vent, while the rest of us sit and cower in the corner over our guilt in being involved with the situation in any way. I have found this especially to be true with those who have an agenda, overt or hidden, for the elimination of adoption.

I, like most people I think, will react defensively when my family is criticized. DH and I work our buns off and sacrifice constantly to make our family a warm, stable, supportive, loving environment that meets the needs of all members. To say that we are damaging a member of our family beyond repair is not only offensive and inflammatory it is, IMO, totally wrong.

This doesn't mean at all, however, that I support unethical adoption practices. The things you mention in this post, P, are horrible and I would, of course, be an anti-adoption advocate myself if I though this was the norm. That it happens even once is awful. That doesn't make adoption awful, however. It makes it a process that is open to human error and so we need to put legislature into place to hopefully eliminate wrong practices.

Trace said...

I noticed that too. I belong to a book club (separate from the blog one) that consists of about 10 women and 2 of the 10 have adopted children. The one woman has 2 children w/1 adopted domestically, and one from Columbia. The other adopted from Russia. I was pretty suprised and at the time I was amazed.

petunia said...

I had some family in this weekend Leroy and just now looked - expecting bad comments but believe it or not there were none. I'm trying to be fair here - I am serious that if I thought this was really happening I would be mad too.

Perky said...

I'm an adoptee and an adoptive mom. My (non-bio) brother is also adopted. I have adopted friends. I have friends who have adopted. I know people who have adopted relatives, domestically, internationally, infants, toddlers, older children, through both open adoption, closed adoption and foster/adoption. Some of the adoptions were of children of the same race as the parents, some of different races. Some adoptions were quick and simple, some were drawn out and nerve-wracking.

I can honestly say that in my nearly 40 years, I have only met a handful of people who have been personally touched by adoption who were NOT satisfied with the results of the adoption in question!

I am, always have been, and always will be, a proponent of adoption in all its forms. I would be thrilled to one day become a grandmother through adoption!