Forgetting

My old pastor adopted a bi-racial baby girl. She came out of the foster care system and has been with their family for about 6 years (adopted 4 years ago). They recently went to the doctor because of some minor kidney problems she's having. the doctor asked this whiter that white fifty something year old man if he knew if their was any kidney problems in the family and he started to tell him that he had kidney stones a few years back and was going into detail when he saw the doctor looking at him funny (he knew she was adopted). He laughed, he had honestly forgotten....

I can't forget that a woman has given me the most wonderful thing in my life. But honestly, i totally forget i didn't give birth to this child myself. She is the most spectacular little thing---every day is a blessing!!!

Adoption in Iraq

I was concerned my friends from Iraq would have a difficult time understanding the whole adoption process. I tried to keep it simple and said there was a baby who's mother couldn't raise her on her own but she wanted us to take the baby and make her ours. The girls were very concerned about the mother - it was very sweet. We talked a lot about her and I told them she was a really sweet girl and it wasn't easy for her. The Iraqi mother told me that somtimes a woman can't take care of their baby so she would bring the baby to the mosque and leave them there with a note "please take care of my baby". There are women at the mosque all the time and one would come along and find the baby and they would all decide who would take the child home and raise him/her as their own. No corrupt system, no bribes or waiting years and years....but then again, there is no help for that birthmother, no counciling and no way to make sure the baby is okay (unless they stick around and watch--which they sometimes do).

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

It makes me so mad that there are still birthmothers out there that have this rally cry against all adoptions. Just because they have had a bad experience they believe all women who relinquish their children must be coerced and manipulated into doing so. Even though many of these woman have thought about this, given it a lot of thought and found an agency to go to. Most of these agencies do provide counceling and an opportunity to parent if they choose to. Or they go on the internet and find parents for their babies. Yes, there are women who have had good experiences and feel good about where their children were placed. There ARE children who were better off where they went ----I am one of them. We are NOT against all of you, so why are you against all of us??

I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER!!!

I really like my biomom-she's nice. But now i have this baby things are getting weird! She asked "How will this work? will she call me grandma?" YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!
I said "it would be quite confusing to call you grandma, i guess she'll call you by your first name and when she is older she will find out who you really are. " I told her my parents mean the world to me and i would NEVER hurt them and it WOULD hurt them if they knew i knew her. This is going to get sticky i fear!

"Tummy Mommy" is OKAY

The more I think about it, "tummy mommy" should not really be offensive at all. I don't think it takes away from what the biological mother did and actually acknowledges her as the person who cared for the child the first 9 months of their being. What offends me as an adoptee and an adopted mom is people saying "real mom" or "first mom" - when people say that i want to scream!! My "real mom" is the one who raised me. The people who are so against any phrasing are the birthmoms who feel guilt. I feel for them - they had to make a decision and whether that decision came out of coersion, or thoughtful maturity, there is that regret and guilt and "what ifs". It may hurt them to hear certain phrases or words that don't abide by their "rules" of adoption terms but i am offended by many of the terms they use - like "first mom". my bio mom was NEVER my "first mom". She made a decision - not coerced - and there was still some guilt. She does not regret her decision just feels guilty about it.

There will always be those who see adopted moms as "The Enemy" and we have ripped these children from the arms of their rightful mothers. As an adoptee I can't stand that....my parents are awesome and i wouldn't change it for the world. The guilt these women feel have blinded them and some even stew in it until they become so bitter they leave messages of curses and tell us how horrible we are. Even though we are giving a loving home to a child we find to be the most precious person on earth. Isn't that what these women should want?

Still Suprises Me

It still suprises me when women are SO against adoption and adopted parents loving and parenting their child. No child should live with being reminded every single day they are adopted. I had a wonderful childhood and was not bombarded every day with it. They didn't talk about it but i knew. The birthmothers at our agency pick the couple, they meet and they have a say so. The birthmother of my baby is sweet and told the agency recently she feels good about her decision because she met us and saw how we were with her and we all got along so well. She is ubale to parent because of her health and knew somone else would have to raise her child. I couldn't wait to send her a letter, pictures and a copy of all the music we play and sing with....i'll always remember her much more than the baby. I know my bios were like strangers to me.

As I hold my precious baby in my arms, all my emptyiness is gone. We've been waiting for her for a long time. I can't believe i didn't give birth to her myself - she's such a part of me. I guess we all look at this from diffrerent angles and i would never take away what birthmother's must feel by i'm not going to let them down me for loving my baby.....