Gifts

I got a box on my porch the other day and knew by the address that it was from my biomom. She sent the baby a pair of shoes - they are really cute and the invoice was inside - $32! I would never spend that much on shoes the baby will wear a few times. I guess that's why it's a good gift.....i'd never buy them. I feel guilty accepting gifts from her - I feel like it's a bribe and by accepting it I am obligated somehow. I don't think she means it this way but I feel a little guilty.

It all started after I found her. I told her I used a private detective that took $350 and "looked until she found"---it took 2 years. She sent me a check for $350 and wrote a note that it was "the least she could do" after this many years. I used it to buy a mantle clock i gave to her that had a secret compartment in the back. I wrote a poem about time we lose and the time we have lost...i hid it in the secret compartment.(i wish i would have kept a copy, i asked recently and she found it and lost it).
At first she sent me the most awesome gifts on holidays - any holiday, even little one's like Labor Day. I felt bad really, they were guilt gifts but i felt bad saying no. The most meaningful gifts were 1)a little ring that her uncle had given her when she was 12 - this was the uncle that gave her refuge after i was born. 2)two framed art pieces that her mother painted 3)old pictures of her and her mother
these are gifts that cost nothing but hold much meaning......those are the ones i treasure. I HATE the guilt gifts.....i accept them because she feels she must give them---they are more for her.....
I will say, i think the baby gifts are cute but they are more than guilt gifts......they are what she would have wanted to buy me, and that's even harder to accept.