Thursday, October 19, 2006

Some Adoption Laws are good

I'm glad that in my state you have to wait six months to finalize an adoption. The judge and lawyer told us not to worry about it because the biomom and biodad both were in agreement, they were counciled and given options etc. but many who may not have told the biodad, or were coerced in a desperate time can have that six months to ensure no "funny business " went on, everything was done as much in the law as could be. Our date was set for December 20. Her name will be officially changed and she will be officially our daughter. It's like people getting married after living together for years....it's just a piece of paper now, our hearts have been sealed since the day they told us about her.
She started to crawl last night! This baby time is going by so fast, and she'll be a toddler before we know it....i love every second!

6 comments:

kim.kim said...

I think it's a good law too, the only problem that I have read and heard about is the new adoptive parents often refuse to give the baby back and go into legal battle for custody. Quite often the court cases drag on and the child gets older and older and the child never gets returned to his or her mother.

Even though in principle I think it's a good law,it can't be emotionally healthy for a baby to be removed from one person, given to another and then removed again.

This is why I don't always support the practise of adoption, I don't always think it's a good idea. Sometimes of course it goes well for everyone (just trying to be fair here!)

Joy said...

It is so great that you care about the ethics of adoption, especially because you are an adoptive parent.

Yes being a parent is fun fun fun ejoy

Overwhelmed! said...

Petunia,

This is my first time visiting your blog, I think. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. When I have more time, I'll read more of your posts. It's nice to meet another adoptive mother. We're trying to adopt a second time in the near future.

As for your question that you posted in the comments of my blog, my blog template is not one offered by Blogger. I had it designed by Susie over at Bluebird Designs. If you ever need your blog re-designed, consider hiring her. She's fantastic!

The photos you see on my blog are of Ireland. They were taken by my husband during our wedding and honeymoon in Ireland. I'm glad you like them! I'll let my husband know. :)

Take care. Thanks again for your visit on my blog. I hope to see you again.

Overwhelmed! said...

Okay, as promised I came back and read through your archives. Some I skimmed, most I read in their entirety.

I'm so happy that you've been matched and are now parenting a beautiful baby girl. Congratulations to you and your husband! I'm an "older" parent too (I turned 38 in July).

I hope that your daughter's birthmother will go back to picking up the updates that you send. I love the fact that our son's birthmother emails me every time she receives our packets. That way I know she's received them and that she loved the pictures and the letter.

I find your perspective as an adult adoptee and now an adoptive mother quite interesting. I must say, it's nice to read another blog about an adoptee who had a happy life with the parents who raised her.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel comfortable sharing with your parents that you've searched for and found your birthparents. Let me ask you this, wouldn't you want to know if/when your daughter grows up and decides to track down her birthfamily? What if she chose to keep that information from you for fear of hurting you? Only you know your situation, but I can't help but wonder why you feel the need to hide this information from your parents? Would they be really hurt by it?

Please don't think I'm passing judgment on you, because I'm not. It's your life, it's your decision. No one has the right to deny you that decision. I'm just saddened by the fact that you have to juggle these secrets in your life until your parents die. That must be emotionally draining for you.

I know that for me, personally, that's one of the reasons I work so hard at keeping in touch with Snuggle Bug's birthmother. If and when he's ready to have a relationship with them, I don't want him to have to search for them and I don't want him to feel as though he has to hide his desire to know his birthfamily from us. I want him to know that we'll support his efforts 100%.

I will most certainly be back to check up on you. In fact, I may just add you to my "Blogs I Read" category to remind myself to do so. :)

Take care!

Overwhelmed! said...

Petunia, it's me again. You know, thinking about my previous comment some more, I'm afraid I DO come across as judgmental about your decision NOT to tell your parents about your search and connection with your birthparents. I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to.

I realize that your adoption was part of a different era and things were much different then than they are now. I'm just trying to understand why keeping this secret feels so necessary to you.

But you know what, you don't owe it to me or anyone to defend your decision, so if you don't want to enlighten us any further, I totally respect that. You had no choice in the adoption plan that brought you to your parents. You should at least be allowed the choice to handle your reunion on your terms.

Sorry if my last comment was offensive. It wasn't my intention.

Joy said...

overwhelmed with Joy, ha ha from another blogger owverwhelmed with Joy, I don't know Petunia's story, but some aparents make it very difficult to share stories of reunion, I knew one girl in college who was disowned and had to drop out due to her amother finding out she was searching.

My aparents know, and even encouraged it but it is still hard to talk about with them. I am sure Petunia knows her parents well.