Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The more i read other adoption blogs the more i worry. This is a complicated process. Not like the old days where the birthmother goes away, swept under the rug - and no one thinks about what she has to go through, who she is etc. She was the carrier of a child that now has a new life with a new family. Everyone gets their feelings hurt now. Everyone has to be really involved and hands on. I don't know - maybe my way was better - no one talked about it - everyone was silent and thought about it in private thoughts no one else could hear. I don't want to think everyday about being adopted. i don't want to talka bout it everyday with my adopted child. I want to live a normal life like everyone else. Why can't that happen?
When i think of all I've been through with this stupid body that won't work properly - i get mad - mad at this flesh taht looks perfectly fine but is defective, mad that i don't get what everyone else gets....my life has to be different - never easy, never uncomplicated. Why?
This blog at the Naked Ovary really spoke what my heart and head have felt all along...... things i've had inside and not told people but finally feel there are other people who have gone through it.

5 comments:

kimber said...

Stop reading them!!!! You are going to be an great mom. Your child will never know what it is like to be bored. I hate that society has chosen abortion over adoption. Life should always be sacred.

Cookie said...

Petunia,

"Not like the old days where the birthmother goes away, swept under the rug - and no one thinks about what she has to go through, who she is etc"

The problem with the old days, where we birthmothers were swept under the rug, told to go away and then everyone pretended that we were dead, is that did not work so well for many of us or our children. Living lives full of deceit and pretense is not unhealthy.

Being an adoptive parent can be a very rewarding and joyous experience, but, it is "different" raising an adopted child. Not "less" or "abnormal", but different. You can bury your head in the sand and not try to educate yourself. And you can pretend the child you adopt has no other parents and never talk about adoption. But, talk to some adoptees first, whose parents did that. Ask them how that affected them. Look at all the people searching on adoption sites - see if that alone doesn't tell you that there are some inherent problems in closed adoptions.

Stop reading if you must, but, I do not think ignoring some of the harsh realities of adoption is the answer. Educating yourself to know what to expect and how to deal with it is a much better route.

Read some of Marlou Russell's articles. She had all the credentials anyone could ever want, and she is an adoptee as well. It is clear to her that pretending the birth family does not exist is not the way to raise a healthy child.

http://www.marlourussellphd.com/

Cookie said...

Opps, sorry! I meant to say "Living lives full of deceit and pretenses is unhealthy."

kenju said...

Petunia, thanks for the visit and comment. I wish you well with your adoption, and I agree with those who say you can't pretend the birth mother doesn't exist. Your child needs to know where he/she came from, as soon as it can be understood.

Kris said...

I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that the process isn't as overwheliming and scary as it seems right now.