Tuesday, January 02, 2007

A New Year

I can't believe Baby J stayed up for the new year! I thought about her biomom and was praying she is safe and at peace (want to say happy, but I think it's too soon for her to feel happy on a holiday). While off work I wrote her a long letter and just poured out my heart --woman to woman. I wrote that I think about her often and know she must be feeling low. I wanted her to know she wasn't alone, since she doesn't have anyone to talk with about it. I encouraged her to see the councilor so she can talk about her feelings and I made sure she knew she would not be forgotten. I thanked her for her letter (handwritten-for which she apologized) and told her I'd rather have that so J will be able to see her handwriting. I also wrote that she needed to go to college because she must be smart because she passed that on to baby J.
My only fear is that she will not live long enough to see baby J grow up and become a woman. I know there is not that much contact (her choice too), but it would have hurt me to find out my biomom was not living after all those years and finally finding her.
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Last year on January 1st I was writing on another blog and this is my entry for that day:

I started thinking again about how you really fall in love with your children and i found this on another site - it was so touching:

I don't care if they are biological or adopted, I think it really is a process and it really does not happen overnight. I have heard all kinds of things on boards....from worries that they won't bond to an adopted child like a biological child to no worries that they will bond to a child and that it will happen instantaneously. I think what bonds you to a child is experience. It is not the biological tie. I also think you need to be somewhat prepared to not instantly bond with your child as it is a process.We fall in love with our children through shared experiences. We fall in love with them through caring for them through all their sleepless nights and sick days and the times that they fell down and got "owies". We fall in love with them for teaching us about ourselves and selflessness. We fall in love with them for their goofy laughter and spontaneousness and their ability to bring our young selves out. We fall in love with them for their compassion and innocence. We fall in love with them for their openness...for their chance to be little, to be young, to love life to the fullest.
I couldn't believe when I read we didn't get our profile out until January 23rd last year and we got "the call" on May 26th. That is unbelievable. Most people are waiting years and we had only a few months.
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So, a new year. I don't see how it can top last year for us.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Petunia, I stumbled upon your blog just a bit ago and as I look over a few of your posts I am overjoyed to see that there is another Adoptive mother out there that has the utmost repsect for her daughter's "belly mommy"! So many friends and family members tell me to forget her and that I don't owe her anything and have even said some nasty things about her...But yet, she is the mother of my child and I love her for that. Our belly mommy is and always will be ahuge part of our lives and I am happy about that!
So congratulations on your new daughter and for being such a positive person in the craziness of the adoption world!
My daughter was a year on Chrismtas eve and it's been the most amazing experience of my life!
Melissa

petunia said...

Melissa,
I was so glad that you left a message. I am also adopted as well as being an adopted mom so I know how important these woman are. I guess it's tempting for new adopted parents to put the child's biomoms out of their minds and worlds but I looked for my biomom. I still think of my adopted parents as my mom and dad but there is something about knowing where you came from, medical history, seeing someone who lookes like you. etc. My heart goes out to my babies mom - i know she is suffering and wants to know she made a wise choice. I think it would be torture for her not to know.

LeRoy Dissing said...

Petunia...do you have any contact with your adopted child's bio mom? Was it an open adoption or closed? I haven't had the time to read through your blog as I am sure you have answered them. We almost adopted but decided not to for a host of reasons. I will be back :)