These Women are Strong

I have been a constant bother on the Ovarian Cancer Forum asking question after questian and let me tell you - these women are AMAZING! Many of them are survivors of stage IV, many of them are in the midst of it all .... they have re-occurances and are currently on chemo - sometimes for the fourth and fifth time. These are women of all ages - some early twenties and it goes all the way up into the 70s. They are all strong women who are, even in the middle of all of it, helping others. Cancer is a horrible disease but ovarian cancer sneaks up on people and you usually have a stage III or IV by the time you start showing any symptoms they can identify.

My momma may be 74 but she is one strong woman. She is determined to lick this....kick it in it's butt. I want her to be right, she has to be right. I don't know what I would do without her. She's not herself right now and I want my momma back.

Thank you everyone for all the prayers and well wishes. This has been such a blow to all of us but my momma is tough. She made it through the surgery and she is going to barrel through chemo like a bull. I think we are all a little scared about the future but nothing will stop the fight..... please take a few seconds when you read this and say a little prayer...it is SO appreciated!!!

It's all relative

I know there are bloggers who are pleased with themselves when they make another blogger cry, cringe, hurt or cry by talking about their lives and the decisions they have made. There are those who are unhappy with their adopted parents....they didn't give enough, they didn't listen enough, they just weren't good enough.

Everything pales when a tragedy strikes. I can't argue with you about how you feel about being adopted because I don't know what it's like to have bad parents. I have the best. I have parents who never went out to dinner, didn't spend money on trips or fancy things so they could pay for their children to go to college and graduate school. They are parents who now want to be a big part of their grandchildren's lives, and get to know them.

Last week my mom wasn't feeling well and went to get a CT scan. This week she's recovering from a 6 hour surgery that may/may not have saved her life. "Stage IV", "couldn't get it all", "the chemo should help" are just snippets of things I heard after the surgery.
We are very optimistic....she's tough. We are taking one day at a time.

The thing is....she is my mother and I am scared to death. It makes NO difference about blood ties...none. It may sound a bit harsh but I wouldn't feel like this if it was my biological mother. Of course it would be sad, just like if it were my neighbor or a distant cousin I met when I was younger. But my heart would not feel quite this heavy and my mind so troubled.

Say a prayer for her if you will, Barb is her name (God will know who). It couldn't hurt to have a few more.

The Gift

Just watched this movie on the Hallmark channel - wow. Talk about a message for adoptees and birthmoms....beautiful.
Click HERE for the link

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 6

"God does not want infertile people to be parents, it is a punishment....."

This one makes me laugh and I see a cartoon picture of the anti-adoption people on one side of the playground saying "nana, nana boo boo.....God just wants to punish you...." bullies.....

This is just like saying AIDS is a punishment. AIDS is a result of sin.... But there are people that have AIDS who have not sinned. Healthcare workers, People who have had transfusions, hemophiliacs, children born with AIDS because their mother had it....so other people's sin affect others. This is not a punishment because they were bad....

Cancer is a result of sin....but not the sin of the people who have the cancer. It's many, many years of abuse of the body, the foods we eat, the chemicals we have used, the contaminants on our food and in the air, etc....it's all sin.
If someone has cancer are THEY being punished?

Infertility can be the result of many years of abuse from previous generations as well ......chemicals on our foods, medications and environmental contaminants have affected our bodies, our DNA and our fertility. It is the result of other people's sin.....sometimes the sin and abuse of our own bodies (being overweight, on drugs, previous abortions, chronic illness).

Again, this is not a punishment, I don't take it personally. They have never found a reason...the Doc says I should be able to get pregnant.

I now know why I never did....J wouldn't be a part of us then....say what you will, but there is a divine plan. There are just too many things that went absolutely right.....and they keep stacking up...... The odds are staggering. If this is punishment.....keep it coming!!

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 5

"I am who I am because I was adopted"....

Phooey - I say to that. You are who you are because you choose to be that way. I know there are some genetics that are passed on from your DNA. The way you look, how tall you are, your taste buds and smell etc......but much of your personality, many of your mannerisms, a lot of your attitude is passed on by who raises you and your environment.

You can boo hoo all you want and be miserable and blame adoption....but you really have to blame those things on not adoption itself but who adopted you, your relatives, your friends you chose. And much of people's bad attitudes can be turned around. Instead of living in the past....they should look to the future and what they can accomplish. What's done is done and it cannot be reversed. What is the point of dwelling in it, wallowing in it?
Be positive, fight for change but I cannot stand the depressing rhetoric over and over.....give it a rest.

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part 4

Some say that abortion is better than adoption.

Okay....this may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Let's take the life of a child so a birthmother doesn't have to live with the guilt. It's better to rip the arms and legs off a living human unborn child than have the child live with the knowledge that they are adopted. Suck up parts of that child and throw them into the trash so adoption agencies don't make too much money.....yea, you're all right.....better get rid of that life, who would want to give a child a chance for life?

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part Three

God Doesn't Believe in Adoption

This, I think, May be the funniest of them all. The notion that God doesn't like adoption is one that is actually out there and believed by this odd fringe of anti-adoption people. I guess it makes them feel better? I guess God would rather have children aborted? Dead?

I could go on and on - they have an excuse about Moses being only a "foster child" (chuckle) and they will quote you Deuteronomy -- you should not "covet" anything of your neighbors....(that's about lusting after your neighbors wife and wanting his possessions)....there is nothing said about children - children were not really looked upon like that until they were a little older - so many children died young. People were supposed to take "care" of widows and orphans. If you are abandoned by your parents are you an orphan? If you don;t have parents that take care of you....as a child you cannot take care of yourself....I call that an "orphan".

So we are all bad non-Christians for adopting...it's all very funny to me....

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See
Part 2

Guatemalan Babies Adopted

There are those who are convinced that babies in Guatemala are "bought" . Well, let's take a look at this shall we?

If they knew anything about the culture, there is stigma for a single woman to have a child. Their culture does dictate how things are done (just like most countries). As much as we would like to "enlighten" them, they are slow to change and hang on to their tradition and customs. The women who are expecting are afraid to keep the child and will stay at a maternity home until they have the child or they will have the child and drop him/her off at the home. So, these children are without families.....

People go to Guatemala to adopt these children and yes, the government may take a lot of money, the police may take bribes but it doesn't change the fact these kids still need homes because the mothers will not take them home....as hard as it may be for them. The mothers don't get any money, they don't get anything but the heartache.

So if anyone needs to be chastised it's the Guatemalan Government and officials, not the adopted parents.

None are So Blind as Those That Will Not See
Part 1

I was reading a blog recently that was written by a woman who is claiming that babies that are adopted and that have colic...do not have colic at all, they are crying for their birthmothers.

Well, if they look beyond the nose on their face and think about that.... it is preposterous.
How do you explain all the babies that are not relinquished with colic and all the babies who are adopted who do not? There are a lot of babies with colic....plain and simple. My daughter only cried when she was hungry or tired. She never went on and on (oh how I felt sorry for friends with colicky babies) . If what they say is true... why didn't she grieve? Did SHE not miss her birthmother?

Please......colic is grief? that is really reaching.
I think those who believe that need to get a grip on reality....they want to believe these things...they have convinced themselves it's true. They also need to read about the development of the brain and what babies can really grasp....
Come on.....

Thankful

I am thankful, of course, for my life with my family. My awesome daughter and husband and all our families being wonderful.

I am thankful I am in a Christian family of people who love and care about us.

There are many things I could write about - because there are so many things I am very thankful for in life......but I want to say I am thankful I am an American, I am happily adopted and I am thankful for all the adoption officials out there who care about the birthparents out there and care about how they feel and what happens to them. A few of our social workers have had birthmoms to their house for the holiday because they have no where else to be.

I am thankful for my daughter's birthparents, their awesome hearts and I'm so thankful they have each other (they are getting married!)

Celebrities doing something good??

Brad and Angelina actually has changed the way people see adoption. As much as I don't like the hype of celebrity lives I can't help but be thankful for the press for shining a big light on the Pitt and Jolie adoptions. Even Madonna who has had some controversy with her adoption has brought it to the forefront and I'm glad.

The press used to report a celebrity, their child and their "adopted child" were out at a store etc. Now it's just "their children"....I'm so glad this is changing.

Here's a bit from one article:

"Pitt went from single guy to father of four in less than two years -- and seems to relish every moment. Who hasn't melted over the adorable photos of Pitt carrying a baby bottle in his back pocket, or dropping the kids off at school? The question is, will Brad and Angie have more biological children? That gene pool seems too good to waste."

So even though they mention "biological" children, they are just talking about "their children", "the kids"...it's much more casual, less strained..... this is normal life.

Adoption can be WONDERFUL!

I know there are some bad placements....I know there are some bad agencies and I know there are bad people. But, for the most part..... adoption works. It can be a wonderful thing. It's never easy on the birthmother but I know many birthmothers who have found peace. Every adoptee I know has had a great life and is happy and well adjusted. The naysayers can say all they want but the few that are unhappy are not the norm.....it is sad that they are so upset but I pray that they find peace.

Adoption has been part of my life since birth and has been part of my daughter's life since her birth but it does NOT define us....is not a major part of our days and lives. We live love, we live happy....I wish all families could be this happy!

Adoption

A friend and I were discussing adoption this weekend. It's funny that I totally don't even think about my sweety not being biologically ours. She is so much a part of us that there is no distinction. It always throws me off when someone mentions it, it takes me a few seconds to say to myself "oh yea, she IS adopted". She was talking about a recent miscarriage and how even with one biological child, they really have thought about adoption. But, just like most men (and some women), her husband questions if he could love "another person's child". My husband had to confess to me he thought that but knew that I had a great life and there was no distinction between my brothers and I. There are many people out there not touched by adoption at all. I feel like I can be that shining beacon of reassurance for these people---to let them know - YES, you will love that child beyond your imagination! When they placed that baby in our arms my husband said every grain of doubt fell away instantly and she was ours - love at first sight (just knowing about her and seeing her picture did it- ours forever). It's amazing to me the love you can have for any child - biological or not - it's a real eye opener as far as the love God must have for us.....

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom-
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom –I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

Adoption Month at Hallmark

To celebrate adoption month Hallmark has a series of adoption shows that are just awesome.....watch them on line: but make sure and come back and tell me how much you like them...they are done so well!
http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/publish/consumer/home/shows/adoption.html

I haven't gotten around to it but....

HAPPY ADOPTION MONTH!

I'm sure that there are the naysayers that will poo poo all the efforts of this NATIONAL month of adoption......but phooey on them!

I pray all of you waiting get a match soon
I hope all who have adopted are happy and healthy
I want all who have relinquished a child to adoption to find peace

All who are touched by adoption....God bless you, keep you honest, fair and loving and continuing to help families grow through adoption.

The Longest Two Weeks of My Life!

I just got out of the hospital. I was sick all last week. I had a temperature ever day and was generally feeling miserable. Friday I finally went to the ER and was admitted, for what they said then, five days. I was so out of it on Friday but I remember thinking five days seemed bad - that meant I was really sick. I had elevated liver enzymes, low platelet counts, a stiff neck, swollen glands, a rash all over, red lips and my eyeballs hurt when I loved them. I knew this was not good.
Well, I had a reaction to such a high dose of the antibiotics...who knew the thing that was supposed to make you well could make you so sick! On top of it all I had a virus that make my eyeballs hurts, the lymph glands swell, my neck hurt and my lips get really red.....weird.

Through it all my taste is still all messed up but that I can handle.

MRSA

You hear about it on TV, you shake your head and think "why didn't they get to a doctor sooner?". Like other fatal illnesses, disasters, diseases you have not been a part of, you have no idea. I thought I had an ingrown hair, a little knot under my arm....I thought it would just go away. When I had two, I thought it was strange but still thought it would just go away. When I had three then four I called my OB (really my SIL who works there). Before I knew it I had an appointment to see a surgeon and before I could see him I had ten knots of different sizes and all hurt like a big dog! Staph, MRSA.... how easily it could be overlooked, disregarded....denial? Should we start to freak at every pimple? I know I will now. They had to take pugs out of my arm pit, some a quarter size and 1/2 inch deep - ouch. I'm healing but I am never shaving my arm pits again!

Lucky

I really don't believe in luck as far as life goes. You are lucky if you sit down at a slot machine that is ready to hit the big jackpot. And you are lucky when you choose the right number to play at Roulette. But as far as luck goes....we make our own choices, sure....but I do believe the hand of God is in the mix of things. Sure, things don't always go right...that's for a reason. And, yes, there are BAD things that happen...unfortunately, there will be those things and we must learn from those too.

We use the word "lucky" very loosely. I say I feel lucky to have our daughter with us. I feel blessed, grateful to God and to her birthparents......lucky doesn't even cover it.
I say I feel lucky to have a great husband but I know that was not a fluke, a divine plan was in action just like with baby J and even the timing of it all.
So when I say, "I'm just lucky" i guess what I'm really saying is I am having a great life...God is blessing me, even in the bad times.