Princess Petunia

I used to Love my Birthday. I told people weeks before that my birthday was coming up because I wanted everyone to know. My parents always treated me even more special on my birthday....I was #1 and could pick what I wanted to do, wear and eat. My mom made cupcakes for my whole class.....Even now my mom and dad take me out (usually on the day of) wherever I choose to go. Then, when we have a birthday party, on the Sunday before or after, my mom asks what i would like to eat---including dessert. We have the ME MEAL....My brother has even made me Creme Brule for my dessert, instead of cake, when i asked for it.

But the last few years my birthday has hit me hard. I'm not getting any younger. I'll be celebrating my 9th anniversary of my 29th birthday this year and it's a little disheartening. I was okay with not having children by thirty but forty would send me over the edge i think.

I signed up for a make-over contest and I had to send an essay about why we needed a makeover - this is what i sent:

Why We Need a Change

My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. We are the best of friends and have filled our lives with family, friends, trips and church activities. What most people don’t know about us is that we have been through over twelve years of infertility. While most of our friends were seeing the OB/GYN, we were seeing fertility specialists. While they were having children we were having treatments. While they were talking about their toddlers we were talking about our next trip or our jobs, trying to avoid the subject. They all made innocent comments about us not being tied down with children but it hurt; we wanted a house-full. But now we are adopting. We have completed our picture profile and all the paperwork and now we are just waiting to be chosen. We both need a break and a change to our lives before this much anticipated lifestyle transition that will come with a new baby. I am 38 and my husband is 42, making us older parents. We know we will be the best parents we can be but are a little anxious about being “hip” and young. I know there are many people out there who are in the same situation we are and I hope we can bring encouragement to them by showing there are people out there who are building families through adoption who are older and look and feel great. Please consider helping us!

I hope we win but I know we won't. We're not good for a magazine about families. They want to make-over the kids and show their bright shiney faces. Not a hopeless, pathetic, aging couple waiting for a child to come into their lives. Who cares right?

These psychics make me MAD

Yesterday there was an 89 year old woman in the lobby scared, trembling and in tears. The receprionist told me (while i was on the phone) that she needed me to come out and "you know a psychic named Skye". "Okay", i thought " this is going to be interesting".

This woman was holding some duct tape and a piece of folded up paper. She said that Maria (Maria Duvall) was after her and her "only friend was Sky"(Skye Alexander). The receptionist kept insisting that I knew Skye and she wanted this woman to tell us everything (it was getting weirder by the minute). This woman (I'll call her Betty) had duct taped this paper to her chest so " no one would steal it". Betty claimed that Maria had broken into her house and taken all her money---she was the bad psychic. She was afraid for her children and believed Maria would hurt them if she told anyone what was happening. But she said she couldn't keep this all to herself anymore. In talking to her she had mentioned her leg....we asked, "do you have something taped on your leg?" She did and ripped that off. More papers - most were addresses of these two psychics. Skye was the nice psychic and was her "friend". She had more papers she was finding tucked into her waist band.....I asked if she had any more - when she lifter her shirt a little i noticed more duct tape and ask her for what was taped to her stomach. This was SO weird! I tried to remain calm and understanding but It was almost comical. If she wasn't so upset and taking this so seriously it would have been some joke. She claimed that Skye promised her a magic stone that would protect her from Maria and all other bad people but she hadn't gotten it yet - or did Maria steal that too??? This stone was supposedly pictured in the paper that was taped to her chest - The paper claimed that it was made of some special silver and had elfin enchantments on it. The whole paper is cooky and is in New Age gibberish.
As i kept her distracted the receptionist was calling "Skye" (she was really calling the woman's son and i was wishing she would stop lying about knowing Skye).
Her son came to get her and i had convinced her that she should tell a doctor all she told us....

today I found out she sat in the ER waiting room fom 1pm to 10pm waiting to be seen then they found she had a UTI----isn't that funny how that can affect a person like that?

The WAR

Most people in the US and Europe only have a persective of a war they see on TV.....the US and European media portraying the thing as they like. We must remember that they are libral and want you to feel the way they do----so you will never know 1/2 of what's going on.

My friend (I'll call him Ali) is Iraqi and now in Iraq as an interpretor for the military. He gets paid an ungodly amount of money but works 12 hours a day for 7 days a week. Because we know him and his family and are actually treated as part of their family, we have a little different perspective on the war. We know how the Iraqis think (not the one's you see on TV), we see Arabic television and their perspective on the war.

***There is NO Civil War!! I want to say that first. This is not a bunch of Iraqis blowing up other Iraqis. These are people from Syria, Jordon and other muslim countries who want to get in there and blow stuff (and people) up. They don't care if people are American, Iraqi, Canadian....whatever. They are Muslim and think they are doing something for their religion. These are VERY uneducated people (30 years of Saddam's brainwashing). Cruelty was their teacher when these people were growing up. They were taught by people beating them or a family member, perhaps even killing a family member in front of you to teach you submission.

The insurgency is along the same lines as a bunch of White Supremist Idiots, from all over the US, going from Florida to Maine just to blow up a group of people that happen to be black. They have an agenda and however stupid, they go through with it. These people come over the border into Iraq for one reason.

Okay - Iraq IS better off. The people are better off. The country is better off. It's difficult to turn 30 years of oppression into a solid, stable democracy over night. These people don't understand democracy but they want it....they will just have to learn slowly - it will take some time.

WMDs - I have military friends who saw them - rooms full. My Iraqi friends saw them - one had his whole family and village destroyed by chemical weapons. He was gone from the village and returned to EVERYONE dead - men, women and children in the streets, in their homes and all dead. He video taped it - I saw that video - it's so horrific and NOT something the US wants anyone to see. Saddam ordered that village to be destroyed. The military knows the WMDs existed and still exist but when you know for sure they existed - someone then wants to know - "Where are they now?". They have been smuggled to Syria, Jordan and other places.

Why haven't we found Osama BinLaden? We never lost him. They know exactly where he is. But if you cut the top brass off - you stop communication getting picked up with all the operatives. He doesn't do the dirty work....catch the guys first under him.....then get him. Why didn't Clinton stop him??!! He was handed to him on a silver platter back in the 1990s and because he was in the middle of a golf game - he didn't want to be bothered and Osama was let go.....free to lie in wait until everything was in place for the twin towers to be "torched".

The Bath party are all soonies and they are like the MOB. NO ONE that is in ever leaves - even if they want to. They are ALL bad (so say the Iraqis). Iraq will never be %100 a great democratic nation with the Bath party around. Soonies and Shiite and Kurd can all get along....they have for a long time. But since Saddam was Soonie, they had it better and he was also Bath party--so they had it really good.

All of this is just to say - don't talk bad about the war if you dont know about it....if you haven't been in the military or lived life in Iraq under Saddam's oppression.

Also - under Clinton the military lived in condemned housing---they were treated very poorly and cut back so severly, it's a wonder we weren't attacked on a larger scale then. But don't mistake yourself - we WERE attcked in those days - we just ddn't fight back and deffend ourselves.

Most of the military hated Clinton. They are NOT crazy about being at war - who is? but they support their fellow military and support their president.....Bush has been good to the military and treated them with the respect they deserve.

I am disheartened and sickened by the Westboro Baptist Church (www.Godhatesfags.com) that are protesting at military funerals - SHAME ON THEM!! I do NOT consider them Christians but a weird cult made up of hate mongers. I don't care HOW you feel about the war - you DON'T protest a funeral of a military person (or anyone else) - SHAME, SHAME!

A Surreal Life

When you live 15 years with a husband you get used to eachother. As one friend wrote in a poem "we are familiar with eachother's creases"(or something very close to that). You know the smell of their pillow (good or bad) and all thier little habits (good and bad). Only those without children for so long can understand just HOW MUCH you do feel like this because when you have a child/children to take care of - you are more aware of all their little things (so I can only imagine), all of their smells and habits and idiosyncrasies. Even though you still know your spouse VERY well....there are distractions. There is a sharing you get used to with children. Your time is not your own and you get used to that while your marriage relationship is still fairly new.

I am afraid that I am too selfish. That I won't be able to adjust to a child. I think that is my biggest fear.

When we got a dog (something I really wanted) after a year of marriage, I panicked and wondered "what did I do?". I wanted to give the dog back - it seemed too hard. I was panicked over a dog.....how the HECK do I think I'm going to do this? Will I be a horrible mother? I know I won't be horrible to a child but will I feel so overwhelmed I'll lose it?? I get overwhelmed about things.....sometimes it doesn't take much. I panic - just a little. That scares me.

I drive home at 5:00pm and now I don't feel a rush to get home. I stop at the grocery store, or wherever, before i drive home ---- I get home sometimes at 6 or 6:30. I CAN'T DO THAT WITH A BABY!!!! I already get nerveous about needing to get home and spend as much time as we can with the baby. What about child-care? How do I know the baby will be watched over, taken care of?? DO WE REALLY KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING???? (okay , a little panic there)

I feel like we could stay childless sometimes because it's easy, comfortable---then the baby urge hits me on the head -- it also scares me to be old and alone (NOT a reason to have a child - i know--it's just one of the many, many feelings...)

It's a surreal life right now - We are in LIMBO - I feel like we have given up on fertility stuff but haven't done a thing about the adoption....DO SOMETHING!!!!! I don't dare call the agency after a little fiasco about me listing too much information (thinking the blog was anonymous). Someone working with the agency saw it and got upset. I hadn't used names but the agency had sent some information about some potential birthmoms that i listed. The first time we were all warned "in general" but i could NOT imagine they were talking about me. So i listed somethng else and really got in trouble. One of the potential birthmoms did crack while pregnant - i didn't know what to think---thought i could get some opinions on the blog.....BAD IDEA......

So now I am in Limbo - no information given out and I don't dare ask.........A SURREAL life!

Keep Busy

That's my philosophy....Keep busy and you can't think about anything. If you are busy enough, time goes by and you don't feel sorry for yourself!

I have charted my temps for years. It's a form of torture for people with Infertility (IF). You can chart your waking temperatures and find the best times of ovulation and then see the temp drop just before the period starts. At least it's a warning. But I still temp - for two reasons - one - i NEVER have given up totally and two- it tells me exactly what day I'll start. But it's still torturous.

I used to keep so busy that when I would lay down at night - I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. Now i tend to lay awake in bed and think. I also used to pray as i layed there until i slept but now, if I lay awake, I think about having a baby around and how different our lives would be. I don't even imagine myself pregnant anymore - just a sweet little baby.....

Keep Busy!!!

Christmas in March

We finally got together with my biomom, her husband and her one daughter for Christmas. It was nice to see them all again - hadn't seen them since the last Christmas. We had lunch then walked around the little cute town where we met. My 1/2 sister is young and cute and just moved into her first apartment (outside of living abroad for school)....she lives in walking distance from this little main street and she said she knew a store we would love--and had thought about us whenever she walked by it----I'd actually been in it before but it was sweet that she had thought about us. We did love it and bought a few things. The lady checking us out asked - "What nationality are you?" I said I was Irish and saw my biomom out of my peripheral vision grinning ear to ear. I got really self-consious---I'm not %100 Irish like my adopted family but I always looked more Irish than any of them. She is some Irish and so is the biodad so it's not un-true but it made me a little uncomfortable. Her grin got even bigger when the lady said " you have the most beautiful, perfect, Irish complexion. You just don't see your coloring anymore.... Perfect curly brown hair, pail skin and bright blue eyes." Oh my how she was proud-you could see it on her face. I was glad the lady said it - it made her feel good.
We yelled Merry Christmas as we left......until next Christmas I guess......

My Body Thought I was Nervous

I was happy to see my 1/2 brother (HB) today and talk with him. I'm used to having lunch with the bio-dad but this was different....this felt like a test. It was The HB's idea...he wanted to see what I was like. I guess my body was nervous - i didn't feel nervous but my stomach was playing havoc on me! Once I got there I felt at ease. There was only a few awkward silences but we laughed and joked and had a really good time. He's cute and smart and funny (like me - lol) . He doesn't live in town so who knows when I'll ever see him again....but I left wondering why I was ever nervous.....

Biodad and 1/2 brother

I got a call from my biodad today and he asked if we could have lunch - his son is in for spring break and wanted to have lunch with me....isn't that sweet? I met him once when he was running out the door but never really got to talk to him before so it should be interesting.

I'm also going to have lunch with my biomom on Saturday. Christmas presents still haven't been given out - should be interesting - My gifts are seasonal so --- i hope they still like them....lol

I'm just two sided

The adoption three sided story is a complicated one.

People who know me know I hate for anyone to hurt....I was always the one in school who took the side of the one who was getting their feelings hurt. I am a sucker for anyone with a sad story and I was taken advantage of because of it. I believe no one is better than the other. Even before I was a Christian I believed that we are all equal and everone should treat others as they would like to be treated. If everyone in the world did that --It would be a better place. Now I'm not saying it's always easy, but I really do hurt when other people hurt.

With that said - I realized I only can speak from experience from two sides of this weird three edged sword of adoption. I am an adoptee and I will be an adopted mom. I think I can be a good adopted mom because I know what it's like to be adopted. I realize I must have had it pretty great after reading all the blogs of adoptees who have had a bad time of it. I hurt for them (there I go again).

I will be an adopted mom because of infertility. A battle of twelve years that I won't go into detail about - it's too painful. But however much I felt sorry for myself throughout the years (which really wasn't that much considering), I never ruled out adoption. I had nothing against it, I knew it was a viable way to build a family and wouldn't think that child any less mine than if I gave birth to him/her. I think it's just the needing a blood relative that held me back. My brother adopted from Russia, my cousin adopted two children from Russia, two more cousins adopted domestically and still i held on. But once I realized I was "supposed to" adopt, there was a peace.

Having a friend who placed a child has helped me more than I ever could have imagined. She knew she had to place the child because of her age and her family. She turned her life over to Christ and placed that child with a Christian couple. Of course she never forgot.....but she lived, got married and had a child and tried to put it behind her. I know you can't do it....it doesn't go away but she put him in God's hands and trusted he was growing up well and happy.
I'm sure there is some pain there but we don't talk about it. She waited until he was 21 and sent a letter to the agency. The agency contacted and he wanted to meet her. They know eachother and i think that's all that matters. She foudn out he's a great guy.......that's all she ever asked for. ****I have made this story very vague for her privacy sake but also because that's all I know. I hurt for her too...

Okay - my only real experience with birthmothers is my own. She told me she remembers every moment of being pregnant. Her mother made her relinquish and wasn't very nice about it. She held me and fed me when i was born - in a time when they were still blindfolding mothers that were giving their child up for adoption. She did want to keep me....but wasn't able. After meeting them and being with them I know it all turned out the way God wanted it to. After she came back from being "at a relatives's house" she met her now husband......she told him about where she had been and the child she gave up and they fell in love. She had a good life. I know she suffered and after 10 years of infertility she had two more children. She told the kids about me when they were teens and waited for me to contact her. She was a nerveous chain smoker but I think a lot of that was psychological. I hurt for her - I think she thought once I contacted her that her family would be complete again, i would be part of the family finally.

I was a happy kid who had great parents who treated me like a princess. I can't imagine giving anyone else the love I have for them. Don't get me wrong, I do like my biological family members. But they are nothing like us and I don't think we would be great friends if there was no blood relation. We are nice to everyone but there really isn't a lot in common we could share.
I hurt for her because she remembers me so well, kicking inside her, giving birth to me, holding me, feeding me. But I don't remember her. She seems like a stranger to me. It hurts her and I can't stand that. She used to gush and tell me she loved me and she'd take anything, any time I could give her. She sent me gifts that I really did like but felt guilty taking them. I knew what she was doing - making up for lost time, wanting me to know how much she cared......It makes me sad that it didn't change how I felt.....it almost turned me off. I was nice - I couldn't be rude. I told her I wasn't much a phone talker (I'm really not) but I think that hurt her feelings. I'm much better with e-mails. I think she finally figured it was a way to keep her at a disdtance and I guess it was.

Okay - I hurt for her. I know she wants more than I can give. Sometimes I give just to make her happy. Then I feel guilty. But at the same time I want to have contact - just knowing she's there is important for some reason. It's the idea of actually knowing someone that's blood related...To be quite honest it's curiosity as well. It seems like someone elses life. I always felt like I belonged right where I am.

After reading all these blogs I feel even worse - I hurt more for her.

Lullaby In Blue

I know that I am no saint

My head is in the clouds

They called you a mistake

But I still I still say your name outloud

They called me stupid girl, just like my mom

To many men have passed through my arms

At seventeen I looked into your eyes

Knew I could never comfort your cries

Every April reminds me of you

The child I never new

My lullabye in blue

It all goes by so fast

How lovely you must be

Why you’ve reached the age at last

That I was when your daddy lived with me

How I wish we could meet somewhere

Talk it through

There is so much I would say to you

There are others, I’m not alone

A younger brother you’ve never known

And a baby girl who so reminds me of you

The child I never knew

My lullabye in blue

As the years go by

Try not to think of the sadly

But even if you can’t

I want to see you so badly

On your birthday

Mommas thinking of you

The child I never knew

My lullabye in blue

My lullabye in blue

My lullabye

Bette Midler - 1998

Thank you to LARABAR!!

These things are incredible!!!

A few weeks ago i read something about Larabar and it peeked my interest....i wanted SO bad to buy some but First - i didn't know where they were sold in my city and SECOND - I tried to resist the "buy anything new" urge that always comes upon me ----it IS a sickness.

Well, a free box of them arrived yesterday at work......along with a free T-shirt. I ripped into one as soon as i opened the box and they are freakishly delicious. You think that you are going to bite into one of those power bars that are just so............blaaaa. But OH MY---these things are so good! The Cherry pie tasted like Cherry pie, the Banana cookie like Banana cookie, the snozberries taste like snozberries Mr. Wonka! (side note: I always wanted lickable wallpaper).

Not only are they delicious but......they are actually good for you and won't clog up your artieries! All my co-workers were suprised to read on the box:

Uncooked (Raw),Unprocessed,No Added Sugar,Non-GMO,Gluten Free,Dairy Free,Soy Free, Vegan,Kosher,Between 2 and 6 ingredients,Good Fats (Omega 3 and 6),High Fiber and Good Carbs.,Vitamins and minerals from 100% whole foods

Apple Pie
Banana Cookie Dough
Cashew Cookie
Cherry Pie
Chocolate Coconut Chew
Cocoa Mole
Ginger Snap
Pecan Pie

They were all great except for the cocoa mole - it's not aweful but interesting. It's got a little chili powder or something in it -it has a little bite. if you like the Mole sauce in Mexico - you'll like it---it really does taste like that!

Thank you again to the people at LARABAR ----the bars sell themselves once you taste them - what a great marketing tool ----- you have a few new customers too (my co-workers all wanted a taste). The T-shirt is also very cute and looks great on me....I wore it last night and a neighbor asked me about it............I'm a walking billboard....................now i have to find out where I can buy the bars here!

B-dad......i hate some of your genes

My biodad is a nice person(I'll call him BOB in this blog). I look like his daughter-- so much it's scary----she got the skinny genes though.....thanks BOB

I have an annoying habit of clearing my throat - it's post nasal crap i guess - - - thanks Bob

I have a terrible immune system and I am always sick - right now I cannot breath and have just finished a round of antibiotics.....for this too-----thanks BOB

I kid him when i see him about all my sicknesses....my ailments, my bad habits. But he also gave me dark curly hair and one of them gave me blue eyes and great skin---people have always commented on those things and I am happy I came out of the deal with something other than the sniffles....:)

Mickey Mouse wasn't GAY

When I was 6 I wanted to be there with Robin Hood, the fox, in the forest. When I was 8 I wanted was to tool around town in Herbie the Love Bug. When I was 10 all I wanted to do was go to the jungle and live with Baloo. . .I remember watching Disney's Wonderful World of Color with my family all crowded around. What great memories!
When Walt Disney died - Disney went with him - slowly but surely....there are no more sweet moral stories. There is only political agenda and "left wingism"......Gay Days at Disney world??? - COME ON----Walt is spinning in his grave!!!

You think The "Gay Agenda" hasn't "seeped" into Disney? It's FLOODED ..... (for those of you unfamiliar with the term "Gay Agenda" - the gay activists said a long time ago that they would invade the schools and get to the kids so that people would think it was okay to be gay and embrace the lifestyle - you can read more articles by linking to it)

I found this quote from a fellow blogger :

In the Lion King - Scar, Timmon and Pumba were all supposed to be homosexual
characters. While they didn't engage in any open acts, the actor who did
Timmon's voice stated flatly in an interview that the characters were "the first
animated homosexual couple".

A few other points of interest:--

--The exchange between Simba and Scaralso had a point:
Simba: "You're wierd, Uncle Scar."
Scar: "You havenoidea."
The emphasis used by Scar made it evident there was more tothestatement
than was on the surface. The voice of Scar was very (how do you say it?)
Gay..like, Gay ...ish? anyway, the voice said it all.
--Timmon's statement: "What do you want us to do? Dress in drag and do the
hula?"
--Elton John, Rosie O'Donnell and quite a fewother prominant homosexuals
have been featured in Disney films.
--I've read interviews in which Disney insiders have stated that probably
50% of the creative staff is homosexual.....what's that all about?
I realize Walt wasn't without fault. He was "NewAge" when New Age wasn't
cool. The popular support of the animal rights movement and anti-fur movement
can be traced to Bambi and 101 Dalmations.
Yeah, they were great movies, but they were also propaganda pieces.

I loved many of the old Disney cartoons, and some of the new ones, also, (I
don't think they've made a decent cartoon since Lion King, except the ToyStory
ones that were actually made by Pixar), butt here's still a lot oftalent there
if they'd quit pushing an agenda and make some decent movies.

You know what is really sad? There was a time when Hollywood was admired. Movies promoted the American lifestyle, heros deserved to be heros, there was plenty of good clean fun. Look at what it's devolved into these past 20 years.....so sad.

Found an article of very interesting information - here's a portion: what's going on over there???

According to a Los Angeles-based, well-respected magazine, and confirmed
by Disney’s own powerful homosexual union (LEAGUE -- Lesbian and Gay United
Employees), forty percent of Disney’s 63,000 employees are gay.

“The happiest place on earth may also be one of the gayest,” the magazine says.
“There are hordes of gay and lesbian people at Disney,” says Garrett Hicks,
an openly homosexual employee there.

According to the magazine there are homosexuals and lesbians at virtually every level at Disney, from production vice-presidents and supervising animators, to television production heads and feature animation vice-presidents.
Because of this gay persuasion by decision-makers, there seems to be the seepage of a homosexual agenda in some of Disney’s entertainment offerings, as well as an opportunity to normalize sexually perverted behavior in the minds of the nation’s
families.

In “Disney: A Mouse Betrayed”, the author is not giving opinion but gives you pure journalism. In preparation for their book, they interviewed hundreds of former and current Disney employees. They talked extensively with law enforcement personnel. They studied hundreds of documents (many of which are reprinted in their book). They adamantly declare that they do not cite anonymous sources; those who supplied the testimony for this dynamic production were all willing to go “on the record.”

Disney’s ABC Network has presented, Two Mothers for Zachary, a movie sympathetic to lesbians. ABC also produced the infamous, though now defunct (thankfully!) sit-com, Ellen, which featured a real lesbian as the leading character, portraying a lesbian. The Disney Children’s Book Division has published a book, Growing Up Gay, which is designed to support “gay youngsters who were bred by heterosexuals.”

Disney also owns one of the largest soft-porn distributors in the country. The conglomerate has exclusive deals with some of the most prominent pornographic stars of cinematic sewage.



This is a long post about all this but to be quite honest - I'm angry. I'm angry that children cannot enjoy Dinsney the way I did. This ain't Bambi baby! All this homosexual agenda and political activism in children's movies are ruining our children. What happen the the good whole some sweet entertainment? Now it's just to brainwash the little ones.....
I want to have the old Disney back ----but i guess those days are long gone!

Thank you to the Academy for Brokeback Mountain (or the lack there of)

I jsut wanted to yell a BIG HOOOORAY....................Brokeback Mountain barely won anything at the academy awards. I hope the libral media and Hollywood gets a hint....even the libral "Academy" does not recognize crap for art! Capote was gay but was a real person and that actor nailed him! He deserved the award. STOP making up love stories about gay people - the majority of the country doesn't want to see it!

Okay, now i got that off my chest....

A little adoption background

I think my adoption was similar to other people's but when i went to find my biomom it took a long time. The investigator took $500 and then would look until she found her. This woman was an adoptee herself and wound up being an investigator because of all the knowledge and contacts she aquired from her own search. I had to call periodically and remind her about me. She did the investigating on the side and worked on it when she could....so after 2 years i called one day and a light went on over her head---she found a name within 10 minutes-----why didn't she do that two years ago?? After that it was quick to come up with a few people with that name who fit the desciption on their driver's license) from my non-Identifying information.

I called only a few numbers (with a phony story) until i figured out which person it was. I looked up where she lived and drove by with a friend (it was only 45 minutes away). I wrote a letter to mail but decided to call, indentify myself and read the letter to her. I knew I would be blank and very emotional. I looked up all i could about her and found out she was married and had two daughters in highschool. I made sure i called when the girls were in school.

I asked her if her name was ******** ******** and she said she was. I was shaking - i think she was too.......I asked if she gave up a child for adoption in the year i was born. I could hear her crying but she did say "yes". "Well, i think i'm that child" i said....and we both started crying. I guess it was a cullmination of all the thoughts and feelings i had about the whole thing. We talked for an hour.....what do you say? "So, how've you been?", "What have you been up to?" But I don't remember what we talked about and i mailed that letter to her and she accidentally threw it away - i didn't keep a copy! Dumb

It's a small world though. Her daughter (my 1/2 sister) performs and I had seen her perform on a number of occasions for years before i knew them- and i remember seeing her (she has a distinct look).

My biodad lived only a 3-5 minute drive from my house.....how's that for weird? Well, his kids went to highschool near my house and they used to drive right in front of my house. I'll go one more..............his son was best friends with a friend of ours from church and had come to church with him. He sat three rows ahead of us and I had no idea who he was...................how's that for small world???
We shop at the same stores and eat at the same restaurants - I'm sure we had been in the same place at the same time before we ever met eachother......too weird!