Calling all M*tal Heads, S*tan worshipers and angry bloggers....

For all of you I have "highly offended" by the comments I made about the "metal heads", I apologize. If you know me, you know I am NOT a person who judges a book by it's cover. I went to art school with VERY creative people and know many of the people who dress the opposite of everyone else doesn't have to be Satan worshippers (nor was I implying that). My bio half-sister is very nice and it has suprised me that she was involved with people who lived deep into this lifestyle.....that's all. I WOULD be a little concerned had my daughter brought someone home that looked like the picture I had posted. I would have to make sure the boy was nice to her and was expressing his individualism and not being rebelious, mean and angry.....then i would be quite worried. I think you all have been quiet judgemental but then again, the blogmosphere allows for it - no one knows me, my character, or even what I look like. Someone commented "you can't judge a book by it's cover" but you can't judge a blogger by their thoughts either. Blogging lets you express your feelings but for people who are not writers.....it can be challenging.

So do I care what you all think? No, not really. My thoughts are my own, I am pure, I do not have hatred, malice or indignation. I don't even hold grudges. The things that you have all sent to me are quiet mean however....you all should practice what you preach.

Regardless, I read what I had posted and I could see where it may offend and I wanted to clear it up. I even deleted them both. I meant what i said, I am glad I grew up with whom I did. I'm glad I didn't get involved in all of that.....I do feel there is something wrong in a family unit to make a kid want to rebel so much. But again, that is my own opinion.

I know you all love to hate some blogger out there, and if it has to be me that's fine...but I think I will soon become too boring for you all. I love that I am adopted, I love my family....i even really like my bio families. I love my daughter and I like her bioparents. We all get along very well and communicate regularly. You may want to find someone else to ridicule and correct.

Through by the Gaithers

“When I saw what lay before me, Lord, I cried, what will you do? I thought He would just remove it. But, He gently led me through. Without fire, there’s no refining, without pain, no release, without flood, there’s no rescue, without testing, no belief.

Through the fire, through the flood, through the water, through the blood…

Through the dry and barren places, through life’s dense and maddening mazes, through the pain, and through the glory…

Through we’ll always tell the story, of the God whose power and mercy, will not fail…to take us…through.”

Your score on this personality test was 61%

 

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

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Ramblings

I think my biodad is really feeling a loss. His daughter just had a baby and he has called me once a week to give me updates. He keeps saying the baby looks like my baby pictures. I really feel bad because I don't want to take anything away from her and her special time with this new baby. Grandpa should be concentrating on them (even though they live a few states away).
I guess he never got to feel the loss before, he didn't know I existed until I e-mailed him when I was 33.

Meanwhile, my biomom has gotten some closure in the last few years and has gotten a great job, lost weight, gotten her bad knees fixed and is trying to quit smoking. Many of her nerveous habits and depression are gone. I'm so glad I sought her out....she said she would have never done it.

The internet has made things SO much easier. When I started looking - all I had was non-identiying information and the public library with records of births from the newspaper around the time of my birthday......believe me, no help at all there! Now everyone has access to records all over the world --- searching has been made so much easier!

Bitterness

Bitterness can do a lot to people. It can turn basically decent people bad, it can wither away a soul, it can make them ugly from the inside out. Why waste a life with bitterness? There is so much better out there, so much happiness to be had. Many adoptees blame their bad lives on being adopted. That very well may be, you caught a bad break. What do biological children have to blame it on? I guess they blame their parents - there, that's done...someone is to blame.

You can only blame sadness & bitterness, happiness & success with realationships on one person...yourself. NO ONE will keep me from being happy but me. I don't let other people have control over me that easily.....do you? Does it matter what anyone does to you? You still have a brain, a reason, a will.....

I AM a happy adoptee, not "brainwashed", not "fooling myself", not "missing the life i never had"....any of that bull crap. Adoptees that say that they are unhappy and regret being adopted...yada yada yada....they need to know they cannot blame adoption. Maybe they can blame the lame adopted parents they had, or the crappy agency that did it to them. But you cannot blame your birthmothers and you cannot blame adoption itself.

There are too many happy adoptees out there to say that adoption DID anything to anyone. Circumstances are different for everyone. But no matter what you have a choice....a choice to remain bitter and mean (and some get a kick out of it) or to be happy and live your life to the fullest with love, forgiveness, respect and happiness.

Crosses

Birthmother, adopted parents, childless, childfree, adopted, fostered or raised with biological parents, we all have crosses to bear. Some are visible, some are disabilities of another kind. The person you think looks like has the "perfect life" - - - doesn't. We ALL have something we have to deal with. Some things may not seem very difficult to overcome, some are really bad. I believe that the people who have the hardest lives are the ones that are supposed to do something great. People that can handle those things - can handle anything that is thrown at them.

So many people have secrets in their lives but you would never know it.....they don't advrtise these hidden things.

The key to it all is how you let these things effect your life. I have many things that have happened to me and my family and friends that people wouldn't believe. Things that have nothing to do with adoption. I could let these things harden me, make me angry and bitter but I don't. I choose to have a clean slate every day. No grudges, no hatred, no hard feelings. Why should I let circumbstances, events or other people rob me of joy and a happy life?

The past is gone forever....I can't repair it but I have control over the future....as far as how I feel and treat each day, treat each person I meet.

Make the most of everyday...like you have only a few days to live. Tell people they are important to you, give back to your community, make someone smile everyday. Find things in which to be thankful every day------write them down, you'll be suprised how you start seeing more and more positive in your life......

Happy Valentine's day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Another Happy Day in Adoption Land

I've been reading more adoption information lately from books that are positive (hard to find - positive is boring). When I first started reading books written by adoptees it was depressing. They all had a sad story to tell but then again, why would someone with a good adoption experience need to write a book about it? We need to fill out minds with positive things, if you dwell in the negative that's what you will become.

When we were struggling with IF it was difficult but I was a survivor, I did what I had to do and was strong emotionally. It wasn't until I got in a group of other girls with IF that I started breaking down emotionally and getting all weepy and depressed. I was getting too involved with everyone else who was emotional, weepy and depressed. That's what I was becoming....I had to step away. Misery does love company.

This is how the internet blogging groups are - one just fires up the next. Negativity is breeding more negativity. --------I choose to be positive, I had a great life, I HAVE a great life!!!

I'm an adoptee! I celebrate it, I treasure it, it's what has made me the person I am!

My baby is an adoptee too, she is sweet, loving and the best baby in the world!!
I will not breed negativity into her, we will celebrate our uniqueness..............

"A mother is likened unto a mountain spring that nourishes the tree at it's root, but one who mothers another's child is likened unto water that rises into a cloud and goes a long distance to nourish a lone tree in the desert."
---The Talmud

SELFISHNESS

Let's talk selfishness.
Are these things selfish:
1. When a person asks a girlfriend/ boyfriend to wait to marry until threy finish school? YES
2. When a woman or man wants a spouse? Yes
3. When there are poor people in the world and you want to take a nice vacation? Yes
4. When a woman and man want to have a baby? Yes
5. When a woman and man have sex with no care about the safety and well being of the other? yes
6. When a couple will adopt to have a child? yes

You get my point. What is selfish? self satisfaction? Desire? Is it all wrong? no
So to anyone who says they are not selfish----they lie.

Ignorance is NOT Bliss!!

It amazes me the ignorance of people on the subject of adoption. I guess if you talked to me about cremation or nuclear proliferation I would be in the dark and need some clarification but come on.....do you need instructions on courtesy? On common sense?
If one more person says anything stupid to us about our adoption I think I'll scream----OH THE IGNORANCE!

The thing is - all people of adoption have their side of ignorance. I know how an adopted mom and an adoptee feels but I could never know how a biomother feels....not really. I can respect it, read about it, ask people about it but I'll never know really. Just as they will never know how I feel.

Everyone has their own opinions, that is definetly clear in the adoption world. The agencies have their perspective, the birthmothers come at it from a more emotional personal level than them, the adopted parents have different (but just as powerful) emotions about the whole thing. Then, you have the adoptee who has the least amount of memories, emotions and reference to all of it but is the center of the whole thing. They are the beacon to which all these other people look to and are attached to. The agencies want the women to come in because yes, it is a business and these people have to make a living, the birthmother wants everything to be different, they want to be able to keep their child and raise that child on their own. The adopted parents want a child to love, to fill their lives with happiness and joy. The adult adoptee is trapped in the middle - As an adopted mother I can say I wouldn't change anything, my baby is the most important thing in the world to me, I'm selfish and now that she is ours I don't want to share her.

Before you slam me, think about it from my perspective. (and don't worry, I know the importance of finding the bios....and that will happen if she wants it). If you are from another side of adoption, try thinking about it from the side of a person who wanted a child to love, wanted a family for 15 years. You can't imagine how it feels if you have not been in those shoes but realize there is that side as well as your own. I have not had a loss like handing over a child I birthed to someone else but I have lost many, many children--The child I dreamed of every four weeks in 13 years. I do not regret not having a biological child because i do have a child to raise, to share our lives with, to love beyond all measure. I DO regret that it is because of someone else's loss that we have this sweet baby as our own.

We are all ignorant of other people's feelings, we are all selfish, we care about our own feelings more than anyone else's but it is only because we can only know our own feelings, we have only seen the world through our own eyes.

Ignorance is not bliss - especially if you stay ignorant and don't try to understand other people's ideas, opinions and feelings. Ignorance is ignorance.

Just my 2 cents

This is one of the most romantic things I've ever seen. 5,000 to 6,000 year old skelatal remains found in Rome. A young man and woman hugging in an eternal embrace.

Isn't this the saddest - the very saddest?
My mother should be ashamed---if I recall, a few days before this school picture I fell asleep with gum in my hair and my bangs had to be trimmed to get it all out.....and that dress!!!oh the shame of the 70s!

I have a Neice

A half neice......my bio dad called and left a message on my recorder with all the info and he said the baby looked like me. I've never had anyone say that before....a person looks like me when I was born! Whoa....this statement struck me and I don't even think he had any idea it would. "She has lots of black hair with one curl on the top like you did" (he saw my pics). It was very sweet to include me.

A Positive, Well Adjusted Adoption Blog

Yes, there are bad adoptions out there. Yes, there are adoptees that are not happy and have had a bad go of it. For that I am sorry. To all who have lost babies to death or adoption, I'm sorry...it has to hurt. For those of you who have lost their childhood to bad adopted parents, I'm sorry...it doesn't seem fair. There are people who did not have a great life with their natural parents too....it's sad that all could not have experienced a happy, well adjusted, accepting and loving family (it's becoming more and more prevalent that children do not have this). But, for all the adoptees who have had a good life, I stand up for them. I represent those who do not blog, who don't feel the need to blog. Blogging is great for those to share experiences and support eachother....I'm glad for it. But, because the other side is not represented.... it can sometimes seem we are not out there and all adoption may be a bad idea....it's not, and we are out here.

There are about 130,000 children adopted in the US every year

As of 2004 there were 1.6 million children under 18 in the US that are adopted.

The number of all adoptees estimated in the United States are 6-10 million - that means 3.4-8.4 million are over 18.

That's a lot of people.

"Adopted kids are every bit as well-adjusted, socially skilled, and intellecutally able as their nonadopted peers", according to research published by psychologsit L. DiAnne Borders of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Another study - of 881 adopted adolescents, the largest on American adoptive families so far - found that the teens reported positive identities, strong family ties, and sound psychological health at the same rates as their nonadopted siblings.

Why do people believe adopted kids have more problems? E. Wayne Carp, an adoption historian says, "Adoptive parents are more likely to seek psychological help more quickly and for less serious problems". Early researchers, convinced that adoptees had more behavioral and emotional problems than children who grow up with their biological parents, went looking for trouble - and found it. Often, they focused on adoptees who were struggling, ignoring the majority who were doing fine. They didn't compare adoptees with a similar group of nonadopted kids. And they lumped together children adopted at birth and those placed later, who may have been mistreated by birth parents. While Carp declared earlier studies "deeply flawed," he says new studies employing more objective method "add a breath of fresh air to the debate." These studies found adopted children aren't so different from other kids - and may even have special strengths. (In the large study mentioned above, conducted at Minneapoplis' Search Institute, adoptees rated themselves less withdrawn and less likely to encounter social problems than did nonadopted peers.)
Borders believes two key factors influence whether adoptees thrive: the timing of adoption (the earlier in a child's life, the better) and the quality of parenting afterward. It's a subject she knows well: She's the adoptive mother of Jacob, 7. Someday, she says, "my son will have to figure out how being adopted fits in with his identity. Hopefully I'm laying a good foundation."

Are you all wrong that adoption practices need to be changed?.....no.
Are the rest of the millions of adoptees wrong when they say little to nothing about being adopted because it doesn't affect them?....no. It just is.

Adoption does hurt the natural mother....it has to. But if there are 6 million adoptees there are 6 million biological mothers as well. They all have to live with it - it can't be easy but there must be some of them at peace, there must be some that live normal lives and no one hears from them. I am not writing this to take anything away from what anyone feels. You all are awesome ladies (and men) and I'm glad everyone has found eachother. But everytime I say I am happy and had a great life I get people (or I read other blogs) telling me that I must be disguising how i "really" feel. Is it so hard to believe or accept that other people had an okay time of it?

I Just wanted to put a different perspective out there. We are out here and we are not "faking" it, I am happy and content and at peace. The only reason I started with blogging is to journal about adopting our child. I wanted to remember everything I was feeling at the time. I was bombarded with people (on my other blog) with people telling me how wrong I was and how much adoptees wind up hating their adopted parents and how wrong adoption was all together. It was amazing. I saw a side of adoption I had never seen....an ugly side that I am glad I know is out there...it made me more aware. But it is one sided.

God bless you all........from a happy adoptee.