It amazes me the ignorance of people on the subject of adoption. I guess if you talked to me about cremation or nuclear proliferation I would be in the dark and need some clarification but come on.....do you need instructions on courtesy? On common sense?
If one more person says anything stupid to us about our adoption I think I'll scream----OH THE IGNORANCE!
The thing is - all people of adoption have their side of ignorance. I know how an adopted mom and an adoptee feels but I could never know how a biomother feels....not really. I can respect it, read about it, ask people about it but I'll never know really. Just as they will never know how I feel.
Everyone has their own opinions, that is definetly clear in the adoption world. The agencies have their perspective, the birthmothers come at it from a more emotional personal level than them, the adopted parents have different (but just as powerful) emotions about the whole thing. Then, you have the adoptee who has the least amount of memories, emotions and reference to all of it but is the center of the whole thing. They are the beacon to which all these other people look to and are attached to. The agencies want the women to come in because yes, it is a business and these people have to make a living, the birthmother wants everything to be different, they want to be able to keep their child and raise that child on their own. The adopted parents want a child to love, to fill their lives with happiness and joy. The adult adoptee is trapped in the middle - As an adopted mother I can say I wouldn't change anything, my baby is the most important thing in the world to me, I'm selfish and now that she is ours I don't want to share her.
Before you slam me, think about it from my perspective. (and don't worry, I know the importance of finding the bios....and that will happen if she wants it). If you are from another side of adoption, try thinking about it from the side of a person who wanted a child to love, wanted a family for 15 years. You can't imagine how it feels if you have not been in those shoes but realize there is that side as well as your own. I have not had a loss like handing over a child I birthed to someone else but I have lost many, many children--The child I dreamed of every four weeks in 13 years. I do not regret not having a biological child because i do have a child to raise, to share our lives with, to love beyond all measure. I DO regret that it is because of someone else's loss that we have this sweet baby as our own.
We are all ignorant of other people's feelings, we are all selfish, we care about our own feelings more than anyone else's but it is only because we can only know our own feelings, we have only seen the world through our own eyes.
Ignorance is not bliss - especially if you stay ignorant and don't try to understand other people's ideas, opinions and feelings. Ignorance is ignorance.
Just my 2 cents