Yes, there are bad adoptions out there. Yes, there are adoptees that are not happy and have had a bad go of it. For that I am sorry. To all who have lost babies to death or adoption, I'm sorry...it has to hurt. For those of you who have lost their childhood to bad adopted parents, I'm sorry...it doesn't seem fair. There are people who did not have a great life with their natural parents too....it's sad that all could not have experienced a happy, well adjusted, accepting and loving family (it's becoming more and more prevalent that children do not have this). But, for all the adoptees who have had a good life, I stand up for them. I represent those who do not blog, who don't feel the need to blog. Blogging is great for those to share experiences and support eachother....I'm glad for it. But, because the other side is not represented.... it can sometimes seem we are not out there and all adoption may be a bad idea....it's not, and we are out here.
There are about 130,000 children adopted in the US every year
As of 2004 there were 1.6 million children under 18 in the US that are adopted.
The number of all adoptees estimated in the United States are 6-10 million - that means 3.4-8.4 million are over 18.
That's a lot of people.
"Adopted kids are every bit as well-adjusted, socially skilled, and intellecutally able as their nonadopted peers", according to research published by psychologsit L. DiAnne Borders of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Another study - of 881 adopted adolescents, the largest on American adoptive families so far - found that the teens reported positive identities, strong family ties, and sound psychological health at the same rates as their nonadopted siblings.
Why do people believe adopted kids have more problems? E. Wayne Carp, an adoption historian says, "Adoptive parents are more likely to seek psychological help more quickly and for less serious problems". Early researchers, convinced that adoptees had more behavioral and emotional problems than children who grow up with their biological parents, went looking for trouble - and found it. Often, they focused on adoptees who were struggling, ignoring the majority who were doing fine. They didn't compare adoptees with a similar group of nonadopted kids. And they lumped together children adopted at birth and those placed later, who may have been mistreated by birth parents. While Carp declared earlier studies "deeply flawed," he says new studies employing more objective method "add a breath of fresh air to the debate." These studies found adopted children aren't so different from other kids - and may even have special strengths. (In the large study mentioned above, conducted at Minneapoplis' Search Institute, adoptees rated themselves less withdrawn and less likely to encounter social problems than did nonadopted peers.)
Borders believes two key factors influence whether adoptees thrive: the timing of adoption (the earlier in a child's life, the better) and the quality of parenting afterward. It's a subject she knows well: She's the adoptive mother of Jacob, 7. Someday, she says, "my son will have to figure out how being adopted fits in with his identity. Hopefully I'm laying a good foundation."
Are you all wrong that adoption practices need to be changed?.....no.
Are the rest of the millions of adoptees wrong when they say little to nothing about being adopted because it doesn't affect them?....no. It just is.
Adoption does hurt the natural mother....it has to. But if there are 6 million adoptees there are 6 million biological mothers as well. They all have to live with it - it can't be easy but there must be some of them at peace, there must be some that live normal lives and no one hears from them. I am not writing this to take anything away from what anyone feels. You all are awesome ladies (and men) and I'm glad everyone has found eachother. But everytime I say I am happy and had a great life I get people (or I read other blogs) telling me that I must be disguising how i "really" feel. Is it so hard to believe or accept that other people had an okay time of it?
I Just wanted to put a different perspective out there. We are out here and we are not "faking" it, I am happy and content and at peace. The only reason I started with blogging is to journal about adopting our child. I wanted to remember everything I was feeling at the time. I was bombarded with people (on my other blog) with people telling me how wrong I was and how much adoptees wind up hating their adopted parents and how wrong adoption was all together. It was amazing. I saw a side of adoption I had never seen....an ugly side that I am glad I know is out there...it made me more aware. But it is one sided.
God bless you all........from a happy adoptee.