I was looking at excerpts from " Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge and I am amazed at the authority in which these books are written. She also wrote Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make and I don't think she holds one title of merit.... She has interviewed more than seventy adoptees (this makes her an expert?) and I know she is a Christian woman and formed an organization, Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network, Inc., which "helps educate people about the unique needs of the adopted child" and publishes a quarterly newsletter, Jewel Among Jewels Adoption News. I just can't agree with what she is saying...she writes these books based on her own feelings and experiences and believes everyone must feel the same.
She begins the book by saying:
"Outwardly we appeared to be a close family, We took vacations together and played golf together, I remember my parents proudly watching the events of my life unfold. I was a model child;captain of the cheer leading team, first chair clarinet, homecoming representative for my class. But behind the scenes I was starving myself, being sexually promiscuous and stealing. My parents didn't have a clue. I never thought about the discrepancy between good/girl/bad girl aspects of my life or considered sharing my struggles with my parents. I was driven by a force I wasn't aware of.Another quote:
What was the problem? Was it my parents? Were they second rate? NO! Was it me? Was I damaged goods because I was adopted? NO! A million times, no. The problem was ignorance-ignorance about unresolved adoption loss and the need to grieve."
"To deny adoption loss is to deny the emotional reality of everyone involved."Still another:
"An Adoptee's wounds are hardly ever talked about. They are the proverbial pink elephant in the living room"and my favorite...
"Grief is the natural response to loss, and those touched by adoption must be given permission to revisit emotionally the places of loss, feel the pain, scream the anger, cry the tears and then allow themselves to be loved by others"....is she kidding?
In the book she talks about Adopted parents wondering why their adopted child is acting out?She claims it to be them being adopted of course. What would they be asking if the child wasn't adopted? Biological children act out...what does that mean then?
It would be different if she was talking about children who were not infants when adopted....but she includes everyone. She writes that EVERYONE needs to grieve when adopted....I SO disagree with that....and I have hundreds of other people that I've spoken with or e-mailed that feels the same. There may be some exceptions, but it boils down to just a way to explain some people's problems. I guess if it helps them to believe it...it can't hurt. But don't claim everyone is needing to "scream the anger and cry the tears" from loss that many adoptees don't even feel.
If you go back and read the first quote from her book - you notice something interesting. "Outwardly we appeared to be a close family" - that tells me right there that something was wrong in her adopted family. I think more people need to look into how they were brought up - maybe the family didn't accept them fully or give them the love they needed? Maybe they held adoption over their heads. One blogger writes all the time how great her aparents were but then turns around and writes about how her mother would say digging things about her being adopted....sorry, but that doesn't all add up. No wonder one gets psychologically damaged....
Beware of the books - take everything with a grain of salt and check the credentials - anybody can write a book....