Monday, August 27, 2007

Legalized Gaurdianship.... There is a place

In 2002 there were 532,000 kids in Foster Care and only 126,000 able to be adopted. Explain that to me.....what is the mindset of some of these parents who will NEVER be able to take on the responsibilities of a parent? Has anyone thought about what's best for these kids?

There are some grandparents or family members that want to establish legalized guardianship instead of adoption, they want to recognize that the child is still the parent's but they are just taking care of them.....I understand that....there is a place for it.

However, a comment from Kelly on a previous post suggests there should be no more adoption but legal guardianship. The problem with that is....the child deserves more than that....having just "legal guardianship" is really having no real family. What is the point? It's telling this child no one really feels you are a part of a family....they are left in a limbo which can be psychologically damaging, as many studies have shown. Foster kids feel this way, not really ever a true part of a family.

Adoption makes kids a permanent part of a family...the name and all that goes with that name.

I am proud to be a part of my family...a real family member, no one has ever distinguished me from my siblings....there was never a "name" to distinguish me as different.

We need to start thinking about the kids....and what's best for them...


Kelly said...

Ok; hmmm; now this is crazy!! The children in this family; have different last names; my husband was married before. Do you think they don't have a real place in this family? Oh; I know you want me to fight with their mother for them; grrrrrr. So we should make a teenager; at 16 years old; change their last name? Get over yourself. Hmm; it's interesting you checked to see how many teenagers were available for adoption; seems pretty selfish to me. You don't want to be bother; unless you can adopt them. So they will be loss to the foster care system until they are 18; because; I hate to tell you; most people want infants; healthy infants; not a teenager who has issues.

petunia said...

Kelly, you are not being very clear. You said ALL adoptions should be "legalized guardianship". One of the reasons I wrote "it has a place" is because you are talking about doing this to all age that wouldn't even remember their biological family, or teens that would rather have their new family's name. I know there are some teens that would be okay with keeping their names and not being adopted. And, yes, most people want to adopt infants, they want to experience the young years as well as the teen years....I understand that. Believe me, there are many aparents that struggle with the decision... but no one complains that there aren't a lot of families with bio-children that aren't one talks about how selfish they are they didn't choose to adopt a teen...
Like I said, we help with a group house for teens so I know the stats. We also help after they are 18 so they aren't just thrown out without anything---which IS what happens.
I comes down to -- if you are a parent to that child...long are a parent, call it whatever you want.
It's interesting how against adoption you are...the anger you have about it all perplexes me.

Nancy said...

Kelly, if the troubled teens had been released as infants for adoption, they probably wouldn't be troubled unadoptable teens. I think the adoption activists who put down adoptive parents for not taking on impossible situations should step up to the plate and adopt the troubled teens themselves.

Because you want to know something? The people who've actually done it don't try to convince others that anyone can do it, because they know better than anyone that they can't.

Where are all these legal guardians going to come from? It's a fantasy of adoption activists that this pack of people (who interestingly, isn't them) is going to come forward and do a stellar job at something that has no benefit to them. If they think it's a viable model, they should convince us by demonstrating it by becoming guardians themselves, not by trying to convince adoptive parents to do it for them.

Tishslp said...

"Get over yourself"

I agree, Kelly. Only, (and I'm sorry to say so) I think it is YOU who needs to get over yourself a bit, here.

I understand you had some pain in your life. I truly am sorry for that. For you, specifically, because you didn't deserve it and also generally for everyone who suffers pain. Pain sucks. Big pain, little pain, pain related to adoption, pain related to something else. It all sucks.

But, you're not the only one with pain, Kelly. You do, however, seem to be the only one in the past few posts who wants to hurt others because of your pain. An analogy: There are children who are assaulted, burned, raped, tortured and worse by THEIR OWN PARENTS. It's not just in America or in the Western hemisphere or by Christian parents. It's everyhwere. In every town in every country in the world. But, do you see abuse surviviors jumping onto others' blogs and demanding, along with name-calling and gross assumptions about people personally, that everyone support them in having ALL parents monitored for possible abuse? Of course not. Those abuse survivors who choose to advocate to end child abuse target the problems and come up with suggested reforms to deal with those parents who abuse. There is no reform for those parents who don't abuse....because no reform is needed.

Problems in adoption? You bet. Actually, there are far more than I would ever have thought before starting this journey. Should they be addressed? You bet. Should reforms be put in place to eliminate the problems. Absoloutely. Eliminate the entire institution of adoption? That's crazy....and selfish. What do you think the impact would be to all those children who WANT parents?

You want to "educate" people on the problems in adoption? I think that's great. A concerted effort to educate not just PAPs but the general public as well is critical to get support for much needed reforms and policy revisions.

But making groundless accusations and nasty, snarky comments doesn't smear others; it just smears your message.

petunia said...

Tish - they are putting their feelins before the kids...that's what burns me. They all talk about what's best for adoptees but it always comes back to how THEY felt about being adopted or relinquishing... you ever notice that?

They talk about lies.... how is being a "Parent" to someone but saying you are NOT a parent the truth? They could say..."I'm a babysitter - long term but I am the one who takes care of you, makes decisions about your life, responsible for your well being etc. etc.... I don't want the name parent because I didn't actually give birth to you" ridiculous

Tishslp said...

"Tish - they are putting their feelins before the kids...that's what burns me. They all talk about what's best for adoptees but it always comes back to how THEY felt about being adopted or relinquishing... you ever notice that?"

Notice it? I have nightmares about it, frankly.

Yep, there's a lot of "what about me" goin on......