One of my adoptee friends, wrote this and I couldn't agree more:
I can see, now, that not making adoption some kind of focal point in my life, made my life normal........normal, like any other kid. If we'd spent a large amount of time talking about it, I would have thought about it more often, and I would have focused more on it, when I really didn't want to. I only thought about it from the context of it being something I could use to put into my "parents are unfair" list. It wasn't like I wanted to talk about it because it was important to my mental well-being --- it was more along the lines of wanting to make my parents talk about it because I knew it made them squirm!!
I can say, that with all honesty, I had the best parents I could possibly have ever had. They gave me incredible morals and values.......they instilled in me the importance of a deep faith, love of country, a strong work ethic, personal responsibility, and love of life. They taught me to appreciate the world around me, to respect my fellow man, and how to make wise choices for myself. I never doubted for a moment that I was loved, safe, cared for, or a part of my family in the same way every other person was a part of my family. I never for a moment felt "different", nor did it occur to me to.
As dl said........adoption was a one time event. It was how I joined my family. It went no further than that, and has never been, for me, a "way of being".
This is exactly how I feel---the only difference was I didn't even ever think of me being adopted when I was growing up...even when I thought my mom and dad were being unfair.....
not dwelling on things.....hmmmm