Friday, August 10, 2007

Mean

Those who we call "mean adoptees" are just that. they are mean people. They will cut you down before you can blink an eye. They will put you on their "get 'em list" and get all their mean friends to back them up. They are bullies. As we all know bullies have a chip on their shoulders because of a lack of something in their life. They can be SO mean yet will say we "happy adoptees" have something wrong with US.....amazing. These people can say they loved their aparents, that they were good people but they did not give enough love....it all comes down to love and acceptance. There's one meam blogger who says she had great aparents and they loved her but other things she writes tells a different story. All the happy adoptees I know was very loved. Their aparents might not be perfect but they loved that child and had big hearts.

The angry adoptees need to stop trying to gain acceptance by joining in on the "happy adoptee bashing" (maybe that's jealousy?), and try to love themselves first, forgive whoever they need to forgive and be more positive - they are not doing anything being mean and trying to bring people down.....nothing accomplished.

My baby is loved ...without question, without compromise....forever.... I felt that too, it makes all the difference in the world.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I began reading some of the blogs by people who were unhappy about the fact that they had been adopted. I made me think about a few things. First, it scared the heck out of me and was like a lightning bolt...you mean adoption isn't all happy/smiley? Second, sometimes people blog to get things off their chest (I know I do) and doesn't mean that in 'real' life they are angry all the time, ya know?
T.

petunia said...

I know... i was getting some things off my chest here. When I read it this morning it sounds sort of mean on my part - I'm sorry about that. I just get upset when this "angry adoption crowd" (and it's always the same group) gang up on other people-- if someone says something they don't like...watch out.

BlessedWithDaughters said...

Petunia, I've been lurking for a little bit, and I just want to tell ya that you've very encouraging to me, as an adoptive mom. Sometimes some of the stuff that we read in adopto-land is so negative that it scares us to think that our kids might grow up hating us. But you are a good reminder...a breath of fresh air...that our babies CAN grow up happy and healthy!

I've had fun reading back through some of your archives.

Hugs,
Min

margaret said...

I've come to feel sorry for the "mean adoptee" group. I think there pain is very real and legitimate, but unfortunately I've seen some of them lash out at people who disagree with them. I think they see disagreement as invalidation of their pain and suffering, which is sad. One person can be ok with their adoption while another can find it a living nightmare and both feelings are real and true.

Tishslp said...

"One person can be ok with their adoption while another can find it a living nightmare and both feelings are real and true."

I think this is so true. There IS pain in adoption and all members of the triad experience it. It can't be wished out of existence. It will always be there at different times and in different ways for all of us.

And, of course, it is human nature to lash out at those who don't "share" our pain. That I can understand. Heck, that I DO sometimes :(

It's the ones who feel like, because they have been "failed" by adoption, they must spread the misery and make everyone involved as unhappy as they are that I feel both sorry for and angered by.

Before I married DH, I had several long-term relationships that were headed toward marriage, but each ultimately failed in a very personal and painful way. I didn't, however, call all of my married friends and encourage them to get divorced or spit statistics at them about how awful marriage is. And if I had, it would have been the height of hubris to think that I would find much support in my attempt to sow dissension among the ranks of my married friends.

This seems to me to be a good analogy to the agenda of the agressive reform/anti-adoption crowd, IMO. I'm fine with witnessing, comforting, even sharing pain with those who hurt so much. I don't accept it, though, when they want to hurt ME in turn.....

ani said...

this is so funny to me, I have been on both sides of the fence, Petunia,, had freinds that were totally happy with their adoptions,,

and let me just say this, some of those who made out to be so content with adoption,, WILL

some of them could make the devil himself look good.