Life is crummy....everyone has problems. Society, family, friends, relatives and aquaintences can be a disappoinment. Stop blaming adoption or circumstances or anyone....it just happens.

Life happens.

(revised- I'm sorry if this sounds snotty, I've been reading too many anti-adoption blogs this morning and it seems all the adoptees are blaming all their problems with family and life on being adopted.... it just sounds like whining to me...)

Last Mother's day journal entry

I hate mother's day.....well, not really because I love to honor my mother and mother-in-law--but I hate that it's coming and I am still not a mother myself! I have no sweet child to slobber kisses on my face or doodle a sweet little home-made card or try to make me breakfast with daddy. No child to love uncontrollable. These hallmark commercials are killing me....

However, I was reminded at church about trials this Sunday....I hate trials.....but who likes them? I sure there are some misguided oddballs out there who enjoys the hardships but not me. I know they come but please don't say i should enjoy them.....
The title of my post was going to be...

JOY IN THE JOURNEY

see how far I moved from that to hating mother's day? Pretty sad.
We all go through difficult things, Christian or not. It's the joy from within that is our saving grace (literally). God promised we would have joy in the journey not happines or wealth or even security in the worldly things - only in Him. Joy is that "thing" that is deep within that assures us there is hope with Jesus-Not the giggles or the feeling of happiness or the rush of adrenaline. It's difficult to imagine that as a Christian we can have worse trials than if we did not follow Jesus. But rest assured - you probably will. That is the nature of satan and ther result of sin. We WILL have trials. okay - enough telling myself that it's normal.
So what does this mean? well, the journey of faith is not easy---it is tested. But God is faithful and full of grace! We are called to do difficult things. but if waiting for a child is one of the worst and hardest things God will put on us then we are blessed!!
For now I am looking up, looking to the sky and not on my life... I am trusting and I am full of hope. I have joy in my journey............it is a journey that I know will come to an end in an AWESOME destination!

We got the call two weeks later.....

Happy Mother's Day!
To my mom, biomom and ME!!!
And happy mother's day to all new moms!

Tonsils

I had my tonsils out when I was 5. My tonsils gew back...have you ever hear of such a thing?
I now have acute tonsilitis and strep throat....ouch.

It made me start thinking how impressive the body is. Tonisils can grow back and skin "replaces itself". They have found that your liver can be "shared" and some of it can be donated to someone in need of one. It will regenerate itself...amazing.
Stroke victims will lose brain function until (in some cases) it will "re-route" itself and full fuction can come back.

It would be nice if this worked for other things like digits, limbs, bad eye-sight etc. They cut my hubby's uvula out - you don't see that thing growing back do you? Why does the hair on our arms stop growing but the hair on our heads don't?

I know a lady who had cancer on her nose so they took hair from the saide of her face (just in front on the top of her ear) to replace the skin they had to cut off. Did you know they want to be replaced facial skin with other facial skin because it has taken the most sun and weathering? Anyway, the skin has different hair follicles in it and now she has to shave the bridge of her nose- strange.

It's a shame phycholigical things can't be taken care of the same way. Heartbreak has no graph to repair it. The past can't be cut out and re-generated for the better....

My Foster Parent Friend

Yesterday I visited my friend who has had 6 children of her own (2 married and not living with them) and they have fostered over 100 children. She is a trauma nurse and sees the worst cases but always has enjoyed giving these unloved children as much love in the time they are given. They have adopted three children...two of which the judge said in court were "useless, throw aways" (right in front of them). They are the two sweetest boys you could ever know.

The baby she is fostering now was born to a mother of 12. She jmped out of a 2 story window with the baby (for fun) and now the baby has brain damage.
The baby she had at the beginning of the year was dunked into a pot of boiling water by her 15 year old mother because she wouldn't stop crying.

These are two of the many stories we hear from just THIS foster care mother. These poor kids need love, and who will provide it? Some will go back to these mothers who have hurt them...that blows my mind. After three or four times the state urges them to sign off on their parental rights. Are these particular children better off with these mothers?

Where do we draw the line?

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
--- Unknown

Corny but sweet

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

I think fear is the first reason for people to make up stories and cast aspersions. That's okay, maybe people will learn from the stupid things they say. When there is nothing else they can say, they make something up. It's sad really. It's usually just "one itty bitty adoptee" that does it anyway.

These are all things I could have written myself...I guess others do feel the same as I do.

One poster on the Adoption Oasis forum said:

I have never understood why some adoptees become so angry with, and bitter towards, adoptive parents, on line -- and in real life. It's beyond my comprehension. In instances, where I've seen it occur, I always find myself so saddened and disturbed. I, personally, can't begin to wrap my head around how anyone could be so bitter and angry toward people who are trying their level best to do what's best in the life of a child.
It happens when someone fails to show common courtesy and respect. It happens when one side feels that their side is the only side -- the only way to see things. It happens when people fail to understand that generalizations aren't the way to express feelings and emotions and circumstances. It happens when people don't listen to one another......and only "hear" what they want to "hear" in another's words. It happens when people want to live out the "misery loves company" way of thinking -- they are unhappy and frustrated with their own individual situation, therefore, they want to make others miserable and unhappy right along with them.

Another said:

It's the attitude that SOME adoptee's have that because they have had problems in their life that our children today will have the same problems. They talk as if what happened to them, happens to all adopted children and they talk as if what they felt, our children will feel.

Still another:

but with some of the anti-attutidues out there, and things that i have read, i have to wonder how much is self-hatred....

Tell me Again about the Night I was Born Jamie Curtis

This book is so sweet. Jamie Lee Curtis is an adopted mom...also a best selling author with this book. The link gives you a site where you can listen to an excerpt of Jamie reading.

This is her own website...

The Blind wants Blindness

One disgruntled adoptee, who has commented here before, went on a "quest" (for lack of a better word) onto an adoption forum with over 400 members to ask how people really feel about there a parents. She wanted answers that would support her theories that most adoptees don't get a long with their a parents and most adoptees feel cheated. She found out she was the minority and almost every adoptee said they were happy and they could not understand how adoptees didn't get along with their a parents. It was interesting that most echoed what I've been saying on this blog all along....most of us are happy and don't have the anger issues.
i was happy she read so many that had a different view than her own, I thought she could now see there are others.

It's almost comical to me that when i looked at her blog today, she listed only a few answers she found that support her own view.

I'm not saying no one else feels the way she does....but is that all she could say after all that reading? LOOK EVERYONE, THEY ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO! Is it total blindness or is it selective blindness?

I don't want everyone to believe the same as me....but I do want people to be reasonable and admit not everyone has suffered from being adopted. Blinders do not have to permanent.

This was a great reunion video:

Oh the Drama!

Everyone wants someone to blame. It's easy for adoptees to blame adoption, their a-parent's high expectations or the agencies "ripping them away" from their "real" parents. It's easy to blame anyone else for problems they have.

Who do biological children have to blame? their parents? School officials? bad relatives? sheesh....the blame game in this country is out of hand. Some adoptees live in a fantasy world were everything would be okay if you were only with their "real parents".....but guess what? They have problems too....everyone does.

I guess it's nice to have a beef...something to complain about, a cause to fight for. Why can't people use it in a more positive way and save children who live in poverty by getting mad enough to collect money to put in a well in their village, help children that are homeless...or something noble....not wasting time fighting against children being adopted into loving families.

I read some of these blogs and it's almost humorous how these people bash even their own a-parents "they couldn't get a baby in the 'natural way' so they had to adopt"....that's bashing your own a-parents - sad.

They like to say aparents are selfish? I guess it's selfish for anyone to have a baby...shame on all parents for being selfing and planning a pregnancy....who is it for? are they having a baby for the baby's sake? At least people who adopt have the baby in mind....not just themselves.

If adoptees are not looked at as grown ups or not listened to...it's not because they are adoptees - there is obviously something wrong in that relationship - either the adoptee is not worth listening to or the aparents are not very good parents --why blame adoption?

Adoptees blaming adoption for everything wrong in their life? Sometimes their own bad adoption may be to blame, I will concede that there are bad agencies and there are unscoupulous a-parents who just want a "trophy baby"...I've seen it. But how many fit this scenerio?? Come on.

I know of a couple here that have been asked to adopt a ten year old because the parents in California don't have time for him anymore (they are a doctor and a lawyer with great careers) so they were going to put him in foster care. They told this family if they adopt him they would give them $1000 a month to take care of him.....it made me so sad. That's a case of supreme selfishness....

When bad things happen and people have problems, take it for what it's worth - life. Yes, you may be adopted, you may live with your biological parents, you may have been brought up in foster care.....your life is yours and it's all about choices.....don't blame anyone for things that you can do something about today.

Adoption OASIS

Thanks to another blogger I found my way back to Adoption OASIS. I was on the site when it just started and there weren't too many postings and then I forgot about it. These woman are happy adoptees, biomoms who are at peace and aparents - they all get along, have great attititudes and treat people with respect. It's really a breath of fresh air and it makes me thrilled to know happy people do post about adoption on the internet - they just don't have blogs....

Saint Theresa's Prayer

Saint Theresa is regarded as a wonderful example by Christian and non-Christian alike...she was such a special person. She was not from India but she went there and fell in love with the country, it's people and especially the abondoned children. I am not Catholic but I know Mother Theresa should be declared a saint....She should be the patron Saint of foreign adoption!

This is actually the prayer of St. Theresa the Little Flower of Lisieux- but it is one that everyone should strive to live by...the world would be a better place if we all did:

May today there be peace within
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith
May you use those gifts that you have recieved, and pass on the love that has been given to you
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let his presence settle into your bones and allow the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

A Beautiful Post

There was a beautifully written post at Mothers Fighting for Others. A mother who adopted two children stuck in an orphanage and now has two loving parents. They love them so much, wants the very best for these two and hopes that they can do so much for them that they can go back one day and make a difference. I applaud them.
Don't read the comments though...just the post. People came out of the woodwork to try to make this beautiful post something bad and make this wonderful mom out to be a bad person.

This is pretty close to me (less about 20 pounds-this one looks anorexic) as anyone could get - I actually have this exact outfit and a picture of me like this in Js room. The only difference is J's room is white,orange and bright blue with a gerbera daisy theme.

The Numbers

2% of the U.S. population, or 5-10-million Americans, are adoptees.

-Adoption Factbook, National Council For Adoption

It's hard to imagine that many of us out there. People just don't want to accept it (as you can see by some comments). It doesn't prove anything but that we are out there.....and the percentage who write blogs who are unhappy (as real as it is for them) is small compaired to this number.

1-million children in the U.S. live with adoptive parents, and

2%-4% of American families include an adopted child.

-K.S. Stolley, 1993, in "Future of Children,"

Center for Future of Children, Los Altos, CA

New to Adoption or New to the Blog World?

So many on these blogs are mean and bitter, no doubt. They have had a bad time of it for sure but don't let it fool you. As I have said many times, there are more good expereriences than bad.

If you are new to adoption, considering adopting or if you are an adoptee that is curious how other people feel....know that the negative blogs out there are a "drop in the bucket".... there are 6 million adoptees out there and most are happy and productive people.

I'm not saying adoptees should not search. I searched but not because I was unhappy, bitter or angry. The thing is, most happy adoptees don't blog or check these blogs to see what other people are saying, so they don't show up on the radar at all. I started blogging to chronical my daughter being adopted and was amazed there were people out there SO against adoption. I was amazed at the tragedy and sadness of their stories. There have been some bad adoptions bad agencies and bad circumstances but thankfully it is a small percentage. Anyone with an ounce of brains is going to be against unethical adoptions but adoption itself is not the EVIL monster some of these people can make it out to be. I do think it's always more tragic for the biological mothers....they, of course, have lost the most . But, if there are 6 million adoptees there are 6 million biological mothers as well and many have found "peace" and live happy productive lives (still loving the children they placed, of course).

It's good to read these negative views so you see what's "out there". Just like it's good to read "bad news" in the paper but you know there's an aweful lot more "GOOD NEWS" out there--- Bad news is just not "titalating" enough for the reader. The same goes for books written about adoption...there are many more books about bad experieces...there are a few about good experiences but people just aren't as interested in the good stories so they don't get written.

The media has a lot to do with bad publicity for adoption. Adoptive Families Magazine ran a great article (click here to read) about Four Myths in the Media....very good.

For those of you waiting....I pray your wait is short and blessings on your new family.

Little Peanut

My sweety is a year old...she is walking and already plays the h*rmonica. She is a genious. I wrote her biomom a long letter about how I feel being an adopted kid as well as a lot of other things...that are private. I wanted her to know how smart I think she is because J is so smart and how much we want her to go to college...she is a very sweet and wonderful girl. We sent her a matching outfit to the one we got J for her bear - the one her biomom has. Every three months we get Js picture taken with the bear and send it to N. I hope to hear back from her and see how she's doing.

J is the love of our lives!!---We CANNOT believe she's already 1!!!! Happy Birthday Peanut!!!

I Can't Stand It!!

A senior woman came into my office yesterday, looked t my daughter's picture on my desk and, with "that look", said "I can't believe..." -- I stopped her with my own look. I knew what she was going to say...I've heard it before here. She was about to say "I can't believe anyone would give up a child....".

Oh.....this is a big no no with me here and people that work here know it...one gal used to do it until I blew up at her and told her she was ignorant and knew nothing about the whole process.

With this woman yesterday I broke in before her offensive words could burn my ears and I said "you just never know the circumstances", "It's heart wrenching for these women...they love these children". She was flustered and taken back by my interruption and the bluntness of it. But I can't STAND that....it is worse than "she's so lucky to have you" (which she followed up with by the way) and I say, "no, we are blessed that she's our daughter".....period.

I don't mind at all when they say ..."you're so lucky....kids are so great"...or "she's so cute...you must be so proud" Or "you must be so happy"..... those things are appropriate... but why would you say those other things - even if you think it?
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On another note.... I was brought up to be polite, I was told it's wrong to hurt other people's feelings and I believe it is. I was the friend of the underdog in school...not because I hated the top guy but because I do see (or try to see) the good in people. As kids there is at least some good in all of us (in those days anyway).
As we get older we get "tainted" in one way or the other. If people know me then they know I am nice to everyone...I never will purposefully hurt someone else's feelings.

I am sorry,Joy, if I offended you ...what i wrote wasn't meant as "I think Joy's parents are awful people"...I just think people are to blame somehow if another does not feel included... that's all. I did not use your name or list your blog. The only people who read my blog are my friends (who don't comment because I have asked them not to--even though it KILLS them to read the crappy comments that some people write) and strangers who must come across it, and some mean anonymous people (you know who you are - and i know who some of you are).

If you (any reader) don't like what I write, don't read this blog. I am blunt, honest and truthful but try not to be mean....sometimes me being "funny" or thoughtful may offend someone but my truth is what offends the most. I am who I am, you can all assume who that is but I know who I am.

ME:
I am a Christian (not the "make up your own rules" kind)
I am a mom
I am an artist
I am a singer
I am a Republican
I am a non-smoker
I am a middle-aged woman
I am not thin or fat
I am a person with integrity
I am thick skinned
I am sarcastic
I am an adoptee
I am pro-life, pro-American, pro-values and pro-family(which encompasses many anti things that this society is started to accept very readily)

I am NOT a writer so take that for what it's worth....these are MY thoughts and words... when I "qoute" anything I read and copy and paste... it's because it made me think and i want to talk about it here, on my blog....some of you have insulted me on your blogs - did I throw a hissy?

Something to think about....

Abortion has killed as many human beings in the last three decades than all of the wars combined...scary