Friday, May 04, 2007

New to Adoption or New to the Blog World?

So many on these blogs are mean and bitter, no doubt. They have had a bad time of it for sure but don't let it fool you. As I have said many times, there are more good expereriences than bad.

If you are new to adoption, considering adopting or if you are an adoptee that is curious how other people feel....know that the negative blogs out there are a "drop in the bucket".... there are 6 million adoptees out there and most are happy and productive people.

I'm not saying adoptees should not search. I searched but not because I was unhappy, bitter or angry. The thing is, most happy adoptees don't blog or check these blogs to see what other people are saying, so they don't show up on the radar at all. I started blogging to chronical my daughter being adopted and was amazed there were people out there SO against adoption. I was amazed at the tragedy and sadness of their stories. There have been some bad adoptions bad agencies and bad circumstances but thankfully it is a small percentage. Anyone with an ounce of brains is going to be against unethical adoptions but adoption itself is not the EVIL monster some of these people can make it out to be. I do think it's always more tragic for the biological mothers....they, of course, have lost the most . But, if there are 6 million adoptees there are 6 million biological mothers as well and many have found "peace" and live happy productive lives (still loving the children they placed, of course).

It's good to read these negative views so you see what's "out there". Just like it's good to read "bad news" in the paper but you know there's an aweful lot more "GOOD NEWS" out there--- Bad news is just not "titalating" enough for the reader. The same goes for books written about adoption...there are many more books about bad experieces...there are a few about good experiences but people just aren't as interested in the good stories so they don't get written.

The media has a lot to do with bad publicity for adoption. Adoptive Families Magazine ran a great article (click here to read) about Four Myths in the Media....very good.

For those of you waiting....I pray your wait is short and blessings on your new family.


ani said...

oh god I am just laughing ,, i have goten such a good laugh from these last posts,

petunia you are such a good read,,

really needed the laugh tonight , I mean a really good belly laugh

he said, she said, your mean, they are mean , (laughs again)

oh and to the comments, even better,

I need to visit more often,,

keep up on the action,,

oh my,, my stomach,,
oh and then top it off with these



Julie said...

Wow. I'm going to write my next article for Adoptive Families Magazine. Easy work, as they obviously don't require their writers to back anything up with researched facts.

Oh wait - was that an OpEd?

LeRoy Dissing said...

I agree Petunia. I have not come across any blogs I can think of where an adoptee thought this (adoption) was the best thing since ice tea. To my surprise was blogs I came across like yours and so many others with a real desire to know their roots; their identity and it has been an eye opener for me. I have found that the adoptees I have come in contact with have been very sincere and passionate about their need to know who they came from - that resonates with most people who believe heritage means something. I have always been fascinated with roots, geneology and family history so the plight of adoptees and donor conceived folks whose total identity is unknown not only is an ethical issue but an emotional one as well.

Keep writing and I will keep reading :)

petunia said...

Leroy, it's nice to know that even if you may not agree you can be civil. Many of the other bloggers do not wish to accept just how many adoptees are out here in the world. I am on the low end saying 6 million. There is 1.6 million under 18 alone...

Adoption statistics:

I'm going to list some so that people can see the actual numbers

Nina said...


Once upon a time, I played the part of the happy, well-adjusted adoptee. When I was in my early twenties, I even went so far as to write an opinion piece that was published in a major newspaper. In it I scolded adoptees for their ridiculous need to know their roots and defended the sanctity of adoption and expressed my gratitude to my adoptive parents. I played Happy Adoptee for more than three decades. In my fourth decade, I just couldn't hold it together. Not for one more moment. Buried underneath the heavy armor of denial was a lot of pain and anger. There is nothing wrong with expressing anger. It is, at least, honest. I'm not an "angry person" and I do blog about the dark side of adoption. But blogging is just one of many things I do. I am happily married, a productive adult raising two teenage daughters. But I've also stopped pretending. And life has gone on except it's a more honest one now.

LeRoy Dissing said...

And we love you for who you are Nina :)

petunia said...

I'm glad you could come to term with your feelings. Surpressing your feelings is never good.
Since I've been alive four decades I don't think my feelings are going to change about what I have been through in my life. I have met my bios and have a civil relationship with them. Maybe I would think different if my a parents weren't so great and my bioparents were...i don't know. My biomom wanted to give me a better life than she could give me---and she did....for that I will always be grateful (thankful, glad, lucky, blessed)

BethGo said...

I'm curious Petunia. Could you tell us more about your search and what motivated you to do it. How long did it take to find them and how did they receive you when you did?
Did your reunion stir up any emotions for you or them?