Saturday, May 26, 2007

So Many

There are many differences in the types of adoptions.

First there are private adoptions, agency adoptions and state (foster) adoptions.

When it comes to agency or private adoptions I am most leery of private adoptions. I know there are some unscrupulous agencies out there but there are too many opportunities for private adoptions to be coercive or manipulative. People are deperate...I'll give you that. They want to have a child. I was at the point of wanting to stand outside an abotion clinic with a sign..."I'll adopt your baby". Anyone who has gone through years of infertility knows how it feels. But putting your name and profile on the internet or in the paper is risky business. Not only are you putting yourself out there to be "snookered", but if someone legitimate does contact are they being treated by the lawyers? I know it can and does work but there are too many cracks in that system.

There are international and domestic adoptions.

This is a matter of choice and what God is leading a family to do. International adoptions are a little scary because some of the governments can change the program right in the middle of the process. Some governements even will get parents over there and then require more money "like bribery" and of course there is no legal sytem to stop them. The governemnts also require the children to be a certain age before leavin ghte country. This means that some little children have to suffer even longer in over-crowded orphanges before they can go home with their new families.
Domestic adoptions have different racial groups that are available for adoption. This is also a choice and a decision that requires much prayer. It seems that people really just have a desire to do a particular type of adoption. We thought about Russian adoption but it just never felt like we were supposed to pursue it, doors just stayed closed. Domestic adoptions can be infants or older children through the foster care system. We chose domestic infant adoption and everything went like it was meant to be. We only waited three months for a biomom to choose us (which is almost unheard of).

Then there are closed, semi-open and open adoptions within the above categories.

Closed adoptions should rarely be allowed in todays society. There are some that would need it to be closed but there is too high of percentage of this still going on. If women placed their child with the idea it was closed....they need to be the ones to decide to open the records. But too many want the records open now. My friend J does NOT want his biomom to find him - he's in his 40s and won't even talk about it....closed through Catholic Charities...he will get his wish.

We had chosen semi-open and then the biomom that looked at our profile felt the same way. She really wanted a closed adoption at first but the agency talked her into semi-open so she looked at our profile. We fingured we could send her updates and eventually we could find out names and have them meet if they both wanted to. I actually know her last name....the lawyer did not cover it up in one legal paper. I'm glad I know.

There are people who can do the open adoption but both the biomom and the aparents have to be able to handle it all. We went to a adoption seminar and there was an adopted mom and birthmom in an open adoption. They spoke about the whole thing and it was an awesome relationship. I talked to them afterwards and they both said the first two years were VERY hard and the biomom was very demanding and difficult. She had grown up a bit and now they have the great relationship we saw.

So how do I feel?
There needs to be semi-open adoptions with the records being open as the child reaches 18 -all medical records revieled. Neither party has to want a reunion but records should at least be available.


LeRoy Dissing said...

I agree that records should be open to either the parents or the child when he/she turns 18 (if not before). I like the idea of a semi-open or open adoption. Closed adoptions should be the exception and not the rule and only with good cause. I do think adoption reform is headed in this is a good one I believe albeit slow.

kathy said...

From the perspective of an adoptive mother, I think not knowing who the first family is, or not knowing the truth surrounding the circumstances, are the most damaging and painful aspects of adoption, for everybody.