Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My cousin


If you have read any of my story you know we have A LOT of adopted people scattered throughout my family for four generations. My cousin was adopted after a biological brother was born. She always knew she was adopted and got along with her family very well. Her a-dad was always aloof with the whole family though - none of us ever really got along with him.

When she was 14 her aunt, who's a nun, was visiting from California (the order had moved her a few years previously). My cousin came to the dinner table and her aunt said (without thinking) "you look so much like your mom". Now in any other sicumbstance it would not hav ebeen a big deal but they all knew she was adopted. My cousin said "what do you mean?"----but the subject was changed....dropped.

After dinner she pressed her aunt what was meant by the comment and it turned out she was a teacher at her biomom's highschool and did some private tutoring in her home before she gave birth. The girl was 14 and was pulled from school as soon as she was "showing".
The aunt knew that her sister and brother in-law were adopting a baby girl and at the same time the 14 year old was telling the aunt that she was happy that the baby was going to a great Catholic family, the mother a stay at home mom and the dad a lawyer. She was shocked when she realized they were all talking about the same baby. No one knew she was related , no-one knew what was involved the way she was. These were supposed to be sealed records....now the cat was out of the bag. The aunt was so afraid that she would spoil the whole thing she kept quiet for years about it all. But now she was seeing how much my cousin looked like her..... both at the 14 year mark.

When my cousins a-mom died she was devistated....they had become friends as well as mom and daughter. She looked up her aunt after a year or two and asked what the girl's name was....she hunted and she found her--she had a family and two other girls. My cousin adopted two boys from Russia. They all met and are now very good friends.

For her the search was easy - for many of us the search is a lot of dead ends....that does need to change.

1 comment:

LeRoy Dissing said...

I agree Petunia...records need to be open at age 18 so people can find out who they came from. It is very much an identity issue for many adoptees.

Am happy your cousin's search went so easy. I know many that are not and it is heart breaking to say the least.