Another Reason to like John McCain

McCain has always had a strong view on pro-life (check his record folks) - even though
THIS article may suggest he is using his adopted daughter as a stand on pro-life.....I say...So What?
Use me....I've always said I'm a poster child for pro-life, every adoptee is. Except for a few whacos you are going to find most adoptees say "thank goodness my biomom was pro life". Everyone has the right to live....doesn't the child have a choice?

I don't agree about his stand on stem cell reasearch but he is in the camp that three - 10 cells if not a human yet.....I disagree.

Is it a form of Hypochondria?

I have read a few negative blogs lately that all claim the same thing...."I thought I was well adjusted and being adopted didn't bother me until I started reading these blogs...."

ARG, is it like Scientology where even though it's crazy people follow?
or like some sort of hypochondria where you are convinced something is wrong?
I think it's quite interesting how they are fine for 20 or thirty years and BOOM...all of a sudden they have a problem with it...when they know they can get, what?....support, empathy from strangers, some feeling of solidarity? Does it really do something for them?

I know there are a few adoptees with some psychological problems...I won't name names.....but these may be legit claims. Is it from adoption? Or the family they grew up in? Who knows, it may be in the genes.....but, how many people must one convince they too have problems before they convince themselves their problem is legit?

I had never realized there were so many unhappy people out there....always looking for something to blame it on.....

Being an Adoptee

Adoptees are odd to the outside world -- the whole concept is hard for them to grasp....they can't imagine how they would feel because they have no point of reference. Shoot, it's an odd thing for the adoptees too.....we don't know how NOT to feel like an adoptee but I'm quiet certain it's not that much different from what biological children feel about their parents. They are our parents....period.
Okay, so there are a few differences in our looks perhaps....so? Our nationalities may even be different.....so? We feel the same about our parents....they're ours.

If I was disfigured but biologically related to my parents....would there be questions? Would my parents wonder why I couldn't look just like them and vice-a-versa? Absolutely not.
If two biological blond haired, brown eyed parents give birth to a child who is red headed and blue eyed...would there be a question that the child didn't love them as much?

So, being adopted means we have a more interesting past, more people that care about us --- they care enough to give us a future. Are we loved more than biological children then? Maybe.... It really is luck of the draw isn't it? - so is being born and living with your biological parents....you get what you get.....

I'll never forget talking to the lawyer who "filled in" when our adoption lawyer was out of town. We were just there to sign some preliminary papers before we brought J home but he was an adopted father. I don't know how we got on the subject but he somehow intimated that he was fearful that his daughter would grow up and want to find her biological parents and he would lose her. I assured him it really didn't mean that and he should let her/help her. I told him how much I love my parents but felt a need to find my biofamily. I told him how I felt about it all - with my husband sitting there hearing me talk about what I don't think I had actually voiced in his presence before. The man was so grateful to talk to me about it. He said he had only helped out for this adoption lawyer a few times and it always made him think about it. I was the first adult adoptee he had met.

If you are not adopted you don't understand the feeling of just being curious and wanting to know things about your biofamily. It doesn't mean you're going to run off and join their family when you find them. Your parents are always your parents. The biofamily are strangers. It's almost a matter of closure. You feel you can move on after you find them, know the back-story, know why things happened the way they did....then back to your life.

My neighbors have a son and he is adopted. When we adopted J he was 15 and it brought the whole subject up in their family again. (It does get pushed to the background as life goes on). They talked about it then a little but now he is a senior and he is writing about it in English. The teacher talked to the councilor who talked to his parents....and suggested counciling. Counciling? I think that's funny, but if it will help him I guess....
It's just that coucilors have textbook answers, textbook reasons why and what for....
I had a long conversation with his mom in the grocery store and she and her husband were so upset that maybe they had done something wrong and it made him feel this way and question. I assured her that it had nothing to do with them and he still loves them and they are his parents. It's what many adoptees feel....curiosity, the need to know. It doesn't change their relationship. I told her how much I love my mom and dad and I would never want them to be hurt. That's why a lot of adoptees don't talk about it with the Aparents - they have such loyalty to them.

**Another thing is this boy's birthmom made a memory book of pictures from when she was little until his birth but when she talked with my neighbor she made her promise she would not give him the book or tell him about it until after he was out of high school. She hasn't told her son it exists because she promised but now she's afraid if she gave it to him he would think she held that back/lied and he would be angry. I wish he would talk to me about it.

I guess if I were an Aparent and wasn't an adoptee too I would be a little afraid. I wouldn't understand when my child wanted to know more about their birth family - I think I would be scared and wonder what I did wrong....

Don't worry Aparents..... we are just nosy creatures, we humans....

I am Loved! I am an Adoptee....

As an adoptee I hear those sad adoptees who think they are rejected. That is simply not true. We adoptees are loved twice as much...more even. We are loved, cared about and cared for. We could have been rejected like many millions are rejected every year and sucked out of the womb bit by bit and discarded in a medical waste bin. But instead, our bio-mothers (and sometimes bio-fathers too) loved us so much they gave us a life, gave us a chance, gave us more people who love us.

My daughter's bioparents totally love her. They wish that circumstances could have been different but they wanted her to have the best life and people who would love and care for her.....

I feel so loved......I feel sorry for those who look at it any differently.

Charity giving

UNICEF sounds like a great organization - wow, they have great ideals....
The sad reality is that only $0.20 of ever dollar goes to the children. The rest is eaten up by the UN for program administration.

Which means that out of the $15 billion collected for the program in 2006 only $3 billion was actually spent on children.

A reporter a few years ago did an investigation and followed the money trail, he was surprised to find that the money collected for UNICEF, a good portion was used to buy tanks for the Cubans in Angola.

Give.org is one organization you can use to look up a charity to whom you are donating.

What is the Difference between a Fetus and a Baby?

A Missouri woman has been charged with involuntary manslaughter after her unborn baby dies from meth. So.........If she went to an abortion clinic, that's okay....that's disposing of a "fetus". If she took drugs and she kills her unborn "baby", then it's illegal...... I'm sorry, there is something definitely wrong with this picture.

Baby Max back with the Stocklaufers!

A Jackson County judge ruled the child must be returned to Gary Stocklaufer and his wife. Gary had said the reason the judge took the child from their home was because he was obese (over 550) but he has since had gastric by-pass and he has lost 200 pounds. The child was with them from 4 weeks to 4 months and is coming back to them at 8 months. For those missing 4 months the baby boy stayed with a family that was trying to adopt him.

The actual reason for removing the baby from their home, so says a judge, was because the Stocklaufers had not followed proper procedure when moving the baby across state lines. Baby Max is actually a relative of the Stocklaufers and now back with the family.

A beautiful story from an adopted mom

Read it HERE

Scientology is scary and spooky...

Ron Jr. remembers his father as a "broke science-fiction writer" who espoused that the road to riches and glory lay in selling religion to the masses.

A guy makes up a religion and "sells" it to some of the richest people in the world---wow, i wish he would have used that power of persuasion to help the poor or something.

Domestic Adoption is still possible

Read a great article about breaking down the stereotypes of domestic adoption and birthmoms....people don't think that you can still adopt children from the US--I know we have had many people ask us "where is she from?"...."here", I usually say....after a pause it's always the same response, with eyes open wide-- "here???" - like they didn't hear right.
Here's a little excerpt:

"Even as domestic adoption evolves, negative stereotypes of birthmothers refuse to die out. Attorney Mark McDermott has been working to correct such stereotypes for 21 years. “Sometimes I feel like I have not made a dent,” he says. Most damaging are the portrayals of birthmothers as heartlessly “giving up” their children. In reality, most of them have made a painful, but loving, choice—one for which there is very little societal support.

Despite the perception that most birthmothers are irresponsible teenagers, many are single mothers who already have a child, and who face economic pressure to place a child. “Women are educated and empowered to make a choice, and they want the best life possible for their child,” says Steve Kirsh, an adoption attorney in Indianapolis. Adoption professionals see a crying need to de-stigmatize adoption, and to fight the damaging biases that discourage women in crisis pregnancies from considering adoption. "

A New Year - A year for Families to grow!

I pray that this new year helps to find many kids new adopted families and the families to find those kids.....
There are too many couples waiting....waiting..... I know how that waiting can feel SO long and hurt So much.

2008 - the year of LOVE!

There is so much light on adoption now. With all the Hollywood stars adopting - it's made it less of a taboo thing to talk about for the general public. "Adopted and proud" - we "happy adoptees" have always felt this way...it's everyone else who never knew what to say.....

*Hallmark has a series of on line stories (really good)
*The Dave Thomas foundation is even trying to help with a credit card just for adopted families through Chase Bank. Of couse many of the banks give special Adoption loans already.
*There is a Pro-life license plate program to raise funds to help women who choose to not abort but relinquish their child in adoption.
* Hollywood has come out with a few movies about adoption recently like Bella(A+)and Juno(C).
* More and more companies are providing some monetary help for their adopted parent employees.
* Airlines are providing cheaper fares for those adopted parents going overseas

Any more you can think of? Adoption is at least getting much more good press....maybe more of the foster kids will catch a break too.....I pray this year they find a forever home!

JUNO - over all a C (the end was a B+)

Okay, we saw it; me (an adoptee and amom) and my best friend (a birthmom). I don't know how to react to it actually. Most was done "Hollywood style" but their were elements in it that rang true. It was hard onmy friend, their were things that were hard for her to watch and for me too - but I knew they were not the same things. She laughed at some things when I didn't and vice-a-versa. most of the time I just thought "well, that was crude".

I thought at first I was going to hate the movie, when it started I realized this was not going to be a true and serious story about what this girl was going through. She was 16 and had it all wrapped up...she was witty, mature and unemotional about the whole thing. I wasn't sure I even liked her. I felt sorry for her, not because she was pregnant but because of her family, her friends and her environment.

But, it sort of sneaks up on ya---about a third or more of the way through....you start thinking...."hmmm, maybe she's just acting tough". By the last fourth you have a decision to make - is it a good movie or not? Do you really care about what happens or not? Will you hate this movie or not? And I actually sarted to like it a little better---I wanted whoever did the last bit of the movie to go back and do the rest of it over again.

I was thinking the whole time it was a Cor C-
But, by the end I thought it was a B- or B

In the end I don't think it's done anything to persuade adoptions or dissuade girls from relinquishing...it was just a story about this girl, her situation and nothing more.

These Women are Strong

I have been a constant bother on the Ovarian Cancer Forum asking question after questian and let me tell you - these women are AMAZING! Many of them are survivors of stage IV, many of them are in the midst of it all .... they have re-occurances and are currently on chemo - sometimes for the fourth and fifth time. These are women of all ages - some early twenties and it goes all the way up into the 70s. They are all strong women who are, even in the middle of all of it, helping others. Cancer is a horrible disease but ovarian cancer sneaks up on people and you usually have a stage III or IV by the time you start showing any symptoms they can identify.

My momma may be 74 but she is one strong woman. She is determined to lick this....kick it in it's butt. I want her to be right, she has to be right. I don't know what I would do without her. She's not herself right now and I want my momma back.

Thank you everyone for all the prayers and well wishes. This has been such a blow to all of us but my momma is tough. She made it through the surgery and she is going to barrel through chemo like a bull. I think we are all a little scared about the future but nothing will stop the fight..... please take a few seconds when you read this and say a little prayer...it is SO appreciated!!!

It's all relative

I know there are bloggers who are pleased with themselves when they make another blogger cry, cringe, hurt or cry by talking about their lives and the decisions they have made. There are those who are unhappy with their adopted parents....they didn't give enough, they didn't listen enough, they just weren't good enough.

Everything pales when a tragedy strikes. I can't argue with you about how you feel about being adopted because I don't know what it's like to have bad parents. I have the best. I have parents who never went out to dinner, didn't spend money on trips or fancy things so they could pay for their children to go to college and graduate school. They are parents who now want to be a big part of their grandchildren's lives, and get to know them.

Last week my mom wasn't feeling well and went to get a CT scan. This week she's recovering from a 6 hour surgery that may/may not have saved her life. "Stage IV", "couldn't get it all", "the chemo should help" are just snippets of things I heard after the surgery.
We are very optimistic....she's tough. We are taking one day at a time.

The thing is....she is my mother and I am scared to death. It makes NO difference about blood ties...none. It may sound a bit harsh but I wouldn't feel like this if it was my biological mother. Of course it would be sad, just like if it were my neighbor or a distant cousin I met when I was younger. But my heart would not feel quite this heavy and my mind so troubled.

Say a prayer for her if you will, Barb is her name (God will know who). It couldn't hurt to have a few more.

The Gift

Just watched this movie on the Hallmark channel - wow. Talk about a message for adoptees and birthmoms....beautiful.
Click HERE for the link

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 6

"God does not want infertile people to be parents, it is a punishment....."

This one makes me laugh and I see a cartoon picture of the anti-adoption people on one side of the playground saying "nana, nana boo boo.....God just wants to punish you...." bullies.....

This is just like saying AIDS is a punishment. AIDS is a result of sin.... But there are people that have AIDS who have not sinned. Healthcare workers, People who have had transfusions, hemophiliacs, children born with AIDS because their mother had it....so other people's sin affect others. This is not a punishment because they were bad....

Cancer is a result of sin....but not the sin of the people who have the cancer. It's many, many years of abuse of the body, the foods we eat, the chemicals we have used, the contaminants on our food and in the air, etc....it's all sin.
If someone has cancer are THEY being punished?

Infertility can be the result of many years of abuse from previous generations as well ......chemicals on our foods, medications and environmental contaminants have affected our bodies, our DNA and our fertility. It is the result of other people's sin.....sometimes the sin and abuse of our own bodies (being overweight, on drugs, previous abortions, chronic illness).

Again, this is not a punishment, I don't take it personally. They have never found a reason...the Doc says I should be able to get pregnant.

I now know why I never did....J wouldn't be a part of us then....say what you will, but there is a divine plan. There are just too many things that went absolutely right.....and they keep stacking up...... The odds are staggering. If this is punishment.....keep it coming!!

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 5

"I am who I am because I was adopted"....

Phooey - I say to that. You are who you are because you choose to be that way. I know there are some genetics that are passed on from your DNA. The way you look, how tall you are, your taste buds and smell etc......but much of your personality, many of your mannerisms, a lot of your attitude is passed on by who raises you and your environment.

You can boo hoo all you want and be miserable and blame adoption....but you really have to blame those things on not adoption itself but who adopted you, your relatives, your friends you chose. And much of people's bad attitudes can be turned around. Instead of living in the past....they should look to the future and what they can accomplish. What's done is done and it cannot be reversed. What is the point of dwelling in it, wallowing in it?
Be positive, fight for change but I cannot stand the depressing rhetoric over and over.....give it a rest.

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part 4

Some say that abortion is better than adoption.

Okay....this may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Let's take the life of a child so a birthmother doesn't have to live with the guilt. It's better to rip the arms and legs off a living human unborn child than have the child live with the knowledge that they are adopted. Suck up parts of that child and throw them into the trash so adoption agencies don't make too much money.....yea, you're all right.....better get rid of that life, who would want to give a child a chance for life?

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part Three

God Doesn't Believe in Adoption

This, I think, May be the funniest of them all. The notion that God doesn't like adoption is one that is actually out there and believed by this odd fringe of anti-adoption people. I guess it makes them feel better? I guess God would rather have children aborted? Dead?

I could go on and on - they have an excuse about Moses being only a "foster child" (chuckle) and they will quote you Deuteronomy -- you should not "covet" anything of your neighbors....(that's about lusting after your neighbors wife and wanting his possessions)....there is nothing said about children - children were not really looked upon like that until they were a little older - so many children died young. People were supposed to take "care" of widows and orphans. If you are abandoned by your parents are you an orphan? If you don;t have parents that take care of you....as a child you cannot take care of yourself....I call that an "orphan".

So we are all bad non-Christians for adopting...it's all very funny to me....