Forgetting

My old pastor adopted a bi-racial baby girl. She came out of the foster care system and has been with their family for about 6 years (adopted 4 years ago). They recently went to the doctor because of some minor kidney problems she's having. the doctor asked this whiter that white fifty something year old man if he knew if their was any kidney problems in the family and he started to tell him that he had kidney stones a few years back and was going into detail when he saw the doctor looking at him funny (he knew she was adopted). He laughed, he had honestly forgotten....

I can't forget that a woman has given me the most wonderful thing in my life. But honestly, i totally forget i didn't give birth to this child myself. She is the most spectacular little thing---every day is a blessing!!!

Adoption in Iraq

I was concerned my friends from Iraq would have a difficult time understanding the whole adoption process. I tried to keep it simple and said there was a baby who's mother couldn't raise her on her own but she wanted us to take the baby and make her ours. The girls were very concerned about the mother - it was very sweet. We talked a lot about her and I told them she was a really sweet girl and it wasn't easy for her. The Iraqi mother told me that somtimes a woman can't take care of their baby so she would bring the baby to the mosque and leave them there with a note "please take care of my baby". There are women at the mosque all the time and one would come along and find the baby and they would all decide who would take the child home and raise him/her as their own. No corrupt system, no bribes or waiting years and years....but then again, there is no help for that birthmother, no counciling and no way to make sure the baby is okay (unless they stick around and watch--which they sometimes do).

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

It makes me so mad that there are still birthmothers out there that have this rally cry against all adoptions. Just because they have had a bad experience they believe all women who relinquish their children must be coerced and manipulated into doing so. Even though many of these woman have thought about this, given it a lot of thought and found an agency to go to. Most of these agencies do provide counceling and an opportunity to parent if they choose to. Or they go on the internet and find parents for their babies. Yes, there are women who have had good experiences and feel good about where their children were placed. There ARE children who were better off where they went ----I am one of them. We are NOT against all of you, so why are you against all of us??

I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER!!!

I really like my biomom-she's nice. But now i have this baby things are getting weird! She asked "How will this work? will she call me grandma?" YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!
I said "it would be quite confusing to call you grandma, i guess she'll call you by your first name and when she is older she will find out who you really are. " I told her my parents mean the world to me and i would NEVER hurt them and it WOULD hurt them if they knew i knew her. This is going to get sticky i fear!

"Tummy Mommy" is OKAY

The more I think about it, "tummy mommy" should not really be offensive at all. I don't think it takes away from what the biological mother did and actually acknowledges her as the person who cared for the child the first 9 months of their being. What offends me as an adoptee and an adopted mom is people saying "real mom" or "first mom" - when people say that i want to scream!! My "real mom" is the one who raised me. The people who are so against any phrasing are the birthmoms who feel guilt. I feel for them - they had to make a decision and whether that decision came out of coersion, or thoughtful maturity, there is that regret and guilt and "what ifs". It may hurt them to hear certain phrases or words that don't abide by their "rules" of adoption terms but i am offended by many of the terms they use - like "first mom". my bio mom was NEVER my "first mom". She made a decision - not coerced - and there was still some guilt. She does not regret her decision just feels guilty about it.

There will always be those who see adopted moms as "The Enemy" and we have ripped these children from the arms of their rightful mothers. As an adoptee I can't stand that....my parents are awesome and i wouldn't change it for the world. The guilt these women feel have blinded them and some even stew in it until they become so bitter they leave messages of curses and tell us how horrible we are. Even though we are giving a loving home to a child we find to be the most precious person on earth. Isn't that what these women should want?

Still Suprises Me

It still suprises me when women are SO against adoption and adopted parents loving and parenting their child. No child should live with being reminded every single day they are adopted. I had a wonderful childhood and was not bombarded every day with it. They didn't talk about it but i knew. The birthmothers at our agency pick the couple, they meet and they have a say so. The birthmother of my baby is sweet and told the agency recently she feels good about her decision because she met us and saw how we were with her and we all got along so well. She is ubale to parent because of her health and knew somone else would have to raise her child. I couldn't wait to send her a letter, pictures and a copy of all the music we play and sing with....i'll always remember her much more than the baby. I know my bios were like strangers to me.

As I hold my precious baby in my arms, all my emptyiness is gone. We've been waiting for her for a long time. I can't believe i didn't give birth to her myself - she's such a part of me. I guess we all look at this from diffrerent angles and i would never take away what birthmother's must feel by i'm not going to let them down me for loving my baby.....

This is now OUR baby

okay - there is not one good way of saying anything about adoption without offending people. We went to court and the biological parents told the judge they relinquish all their rights to these NEW parents. They wanted us to take over the parenting job, to make this baby our own. This does NOT take away the fact that another woman made the decision to go through pregnancy, give birth and have to go through the pain of relinquishment. It also does NOT mean she will be forgotten or discarded. She could not parent because of health reasons that will just get worse, she and the biofather made a mature decision and we all got to talk about it together. Using the phrase that is most PC to birthmothers does not change anything, it does not make anything different. The feelings they have about thier own relinqishment and the feelings that the parents who adopted have are going to be the same. I think it's time to think about the child. "tummy mommy" and "forever mommy" is a little easier for a small child to understand than "biological mother" or even "first parent" - how confusing......

I am devoted to making this child happy. I know what it feels like to be adopted and i want her to feel as good about it as i do. I also know how my bio mom feels about it and my best friend (who relinquished a child 20 years ago). I trust those two and if other biomoms are offended i cannot help that. Maybe they need to re-examine their own feelings about it and see that maybe the child's happiness is more important - isn't that why they entrusted the child to someone else?

We are not raising this baby for someone else-she is now ours--the best way to honor the person who gave this child life and entrusted us with her, is to be awesome parents. We pray for her biological parents everyday. I think about her when i take pictures because i will be sending her pictures and letters. But I am her mommy now.....

MY GIRL

I can not even imagine my life without her. It's hard to believe i didn't give birth to this child. She is ours in our hearts and so much a part of us. I will never be able to forget about her "tummy mommy", but I am her forever mommy andI am so grateful to have her in our lives. I love when i give her a bottle and she holds my hand. I love when i hold her in the crook of my arm and she reaches up to touch my skin. I love when i out her in bed with me at 3 in the morning and she curls up next to me and takes her binky and falls right to sleep like that's what she wanted all along. Her coos, her sighs, her wimpers, her cries, I love it all. I know why people move to smaller houses and go to one income - i don't want to leave her, i want to see everything she does, be with her all the time. But when do you get anything done???

The most wonderful day of our lives

Yesterday was bittersweet. We got along so well with the birthparents (she called herself that). We met back at the agency after court and we gave them their gifts - everyone cried and it was a very emotional time. I had been sick for the whole two weeks with butterflies - i know now it was for them. I know it had to be torturous waiting for 2 hours in the hall way to be seen in court....

They were the sort of couple we would have as friends or relatives....each couple felt at ease. She picked us, she said, because I was adopted and because we looked genuinely happy in our pictures. The others were faking smiles and we weren't---that made us feel good and i knew again just how much they love that child. When i first met her I told her I was glad the baby smiled at her at her visit the day before and it made her cry-I also told her I knew why the baby was so pretty...because she is so pretty. I saw pictures of his two little boys - they are SO cute. I'm SO glad we had the opportunity to meet them - we took pictures and I told her I knew how much she loved the baby and we wouldn't let her forget that. J and I both told them we would pray for them every day. We will send pic about 5 times this year and at least two times a year until she is old enough to meet them if she wants to.

I LOVE THIS BABY>>>>>mommyhoood callssssss

One more week

We get to bring our baby home next week. It is killing me not having her with us, but only having seen her twice I am so in love! T feels it too, an overwhelming desire to protect her, shelter her, hold her---she is ours.

We will meet the bioparents when we get everything settled in court. Tonight my friend and I went to buy gifts. What do you give someone who is giving you the most precious gift a person could give? Here's your scarf, here's your baby? I could never repay the debt I owe for this wonderful little person I love and adore. I bought two matching stuffed animals, both dressed the same and then I bought a necklace with a charm that is engraved with the initials they gave her. I figured she could wear it if she wants. The animal has it on now. We will take pictures with that every time we take them to send to her. That way she will be looking at the same animal as the baby. We bought a watch for the biodad.....had no idea what to get him, so I hope he likes it. Well, maybe we'll get to see her again next week before the final day!!!!! I can't wait!!

We LOVE HER!

Her Name is about Love because we are so much in love with her it hurts. We won't have her with us until June 9th.....but we can't wait. I love that her biological parents love her and visit her. They just don't want to start off this early with a baby. She wants to go to college and he pays child support for two others. They want to do what's best for her. She is loved also at the foster mother's house and has been to their lake house every weekend - not to mention Chucky Cheese, and a number of other restaurants and malls. She's a travelin' baby! She's the cutest thing - beautiful really and my arms feel empty every minute we are apart. I never thought I could love another human being this way. I love my husband but this baby is already a part of us, of me. I held her and it felt just right the way her little body fit in my arms, the way she looked at me and the way she held onto my finger. I know those are just things babies do (I've had plenty of nieces and nephews), but this was different. She belongs to us, she is a part of me just like my heart. I would kill anyone to goes to harm her, I would throw myself in front of a bus so she wouldn't get hit.....I am seriously in love!
Sweetness in a little package, Love in a bundle, She is my joy......

WE WERE MATCHED!!!!!

We will be parents in one week! She's already here and ready to be our baby..............More later!!!!

Just Hangin' Out

Went to lunch with my bio dad and my 1/2 brother. We get along so well, it's weird. We all have the same warped sense of humor. J is in town all summer before he goes back to school (getting his Master's). And he told his dad he'd like to get together again "just to hang out" ...we do get along great....very comfortable with him. I'm proud to say he is adorable as well (must run in the family). I think I freaked B out a little when J and I were talking:

J: I love candy
Me: I do too
J: I love orange suckers, orange is my favorite flavor
Me: Me too, that's my favorite
J: I HATE banana anything
Me: Me too , that artificial banana taste - yuck
J: I know, I hate anything that's supposed to taste like banana except the real thing
Me: Me too!

The whole time B was watching us like he was at a tennis match, back and forth....then he covered his shaking head.....it freaked him out just a little....

His daughter and I have weird little things too - exactly the same....like neither of us can STAND someone else touching our pillow.....how obscure is that.

Teenages......are they all bad??

I drove home on Friday from playing golf and I got to the end of an alley and there is an exit to a gas station there and also a bus stop. There was a woman there sitting on the curb waiting for a bus. She was not an old woman but she looked homeless, meek, scared even--maybe in her 50s. It was drizzly and a dreary, rotten day. As I pulled to the end of the alley a car came out of the gas station and two teenage girls threw an open beer can at this woman waiting for the bus. The can hit her and ber spilled all over her clothes. The girls yelled something too but I couldn't hear it. The woman didn't even look up and she looked scared. I honked like i have never honked before - i was SO mad! I stopped my car and rooled down my window. I asked the woman if she was alright and she mumbled something. She may have been a crack head....but no one deserves that. I told the woman those girls were loses and I apologized for how bad theyh were to her. I told her to have a good day and I drove off. I was upset about that all the way home.

That night I went to sing at a "Senior Prom". I do it every year with my little jazz band. The seniors from a high school come in all dressed up to a nursing home and dance with the senior citizens. It a ritzy school in a nice part of town and there has been a dwindling number of students the past five years. It started with about 20-25 of them then year by year there are fewer. This year there were two and two teachers. It was embarrassing. The two that came were foreign and did not dance. In fact, they stood behind people and refused to talk to people. Okay, i was upset already and now where are the freaking teens???? Where are the ones who really aren't bad and selfish and full of themselves??

The McDonalds and a few other fast food restaurants in our area employ many people over 65 because they can't find teens to do it --ARG!!!

My child will be caring - i was showed how to care about others, i had great role models......Who are these kids parents???????????????

Okay folks - are there decent teeangers left??

Da Vinci Code ---- A real let down!

I saw this movie on Saturday afternoon on the "Mega Screen". I got there with about 5 minutes to spare and a pretty empty parking lot. I shared the theater with about 40 other folks and no one seemed too impressed as i left the theater when it was over. For a Ron Howard work of "FICTION" it left much to be desired. If fact, it was a little "preachy" at times as the actors gave their little bits of "wisdom" about Christianity itself.....I predict that most of the hype was brought on by publisicts and the controversy was stirred like a boiling pot by the studio. I give the movie (for movie sake) a C- and the actors a C+. As far as the history, the book gave more interesting history of Opus Dae and the Knights of the Templar. This movie fell Short, Short, Short.....
This article is pretty funny about the movie - check it out...... TOWN HALL - Di Vinci Code

And Then There Were Two

Only 2 bios left for now (until the other couples working on them get finished). Some girl is going to walk in and there will be two to show her - two. can we be bigger losers------yes we could, if they pick the other profile. I thought our profile looked great, fun, young.....loving. What's wrong with these people??

Eating lunch next week with my biodad. Mybe I'll call the biomom and see if family can meet for lunch soon.......

S wanted someone Catholic

So even at one out of three, we are losers. I keep telling myself that the right situation and the right person will come along - i must be patient----T just lives life and doesn't worry about much. He doesn't put much thought into things at all. He lives in the "Life is good" mentality exept for much about himself (he never thinks he's good enough).....I am much less patient with this!

At the same time -it scares me a little to actually get picked....change our lives and turn them up-side-down. That's what this will do. And we're not young----sometimes I think there is a reason God made people fertile so young and menopause at my age------because people my age are too old to have children-----babies are for the young.

The wait continues

S....................

That's how i know her. She is a college student in our state who wants to go home to another state to have her baby. The father is also a college student and i don't know much about him yet. She wants fully open but is willing to look at the semi-open profiles (that's us). It is a small agency so there are only three profiles to choose from and the other two want fully open. There would be some travel and some extra expense to go between states.......now it's up to her. The nice thing is - the baby is due the day of our 15th anniversary................what a gift that would be!!!!

SENSATIVE

People are sensative when you talk about things that are close to them. You don't talk about politics and religion with people when you don't know them well. You also don't blog about adoption without asking for trouble. Everyone has their own feelings about it - and if your in the "triad" everyone is coming at it from a different angle.

The adoptees either are grateful and happy for the great life that they have had or they are bitter and angry about the bad life they have had and wish they could have grown up in a better place - which would translate into their biofamily. Some say they are happy but somehow think they have been wronged seriously by not having known their bios. I guess others are just wanting to know - i can't blame them for that.

Adopted parents are either SO OPEN that they are against any other form of adoption (semi-open, closed). Some are very against totally open adoptions and others are willing to have open adoption only if it works out and the biomom and aparents are able to have that sort of a relationship. Each one is sensative and gets upset when anyone has a different opinion.

biomoms are a very sensative bunch. They feel the way they do and NO ONE can say anything without them thinking they are saying they are wrong or they shouldn't feel that way. They are the bunch i feel the worst about. These ladies are usually still hurting even after years.....it's all still right there.

Being sensative isn't wrong.....but everyone needs to search themselves and ask am I too sensative about this? Am I over reacting about that?
The unfortunate thing is there is no bkack and white anymore. Everything has a 1000 grey areas. Now I realize there are some things that change from person to person but there should be more is only black and white.....right and wrong.

One thing that is true - adoption is complicated. Every situation is different but the KEY is to so what is best for the child involved - they are the ones who don't have the choice in the matter.....


One reply from MICH (copied and pasted--didn't want her getting a bunch of mean gals going on her blog):
And I think the other part of this is that people need to be respectful of different view points. I agree the adoption is a very sensitive subject for all involved on some levels....either the misconceptions, the stupid assumptions and questions can leave anyone involved feeling run over and fragile. But everyone needs to keep in mind that "one adoption story" is just that--one adoption story. So respect for each story, each individual triad is SOOO important.

I Could Write a BOOK

I could write one about being happy and being brought up in a good home, being adopted and having a great life but no one would care, no one would read it and It would be a waste of time. I have read all the adoption books and they are scary....I'm sure they are true but the market only calls for and asks for the bad stories----more interesting, just like bad stories on the news.

I have ideas for books..... my friend and I decided to write a book of book titles.....we always come up with really good titles for books.....we're good that way. I have a great idea for a kids book and I have an awesome and original idea for a novel that would make an even better movie----a suspense story - ooooooh i get excited about it. I have a name for my main character and most of the particulars but I need someone to write it ....as you can tell, I'm not much of a writer. How do I find someone to do that? Anyone have any suggestions?