Mean Girls

Have you ever seen that movie? It's a silly movie about teenage girls. But there were always those girls in school weren't there? They were the ones with the BIG personalities. They were the ones that were the outgoing, nose up in the air, not-so-smart but popular girls. Many of them, a little too "popular". They made life heck on everyone else. They knew what all the answers were (they thought) and flaunted their popularity, reputation, or whatever it took to gain more mean girl friends. They thought everyone should be like them. All of them were shollow inour eyes but it didn't matter in their world. I wasn't one of them, I fought for the underdog, I was a jock, an actress, a singer, a model, in all the clubs and had more meaningful friendships...I had a great highschool experience and didn't let these "mean girls" affect my life. (I also had awesome Aparents who gave me a great self-esteem).

The "mean girls" didn't change, they are still out there. You can read the comments on my posts and see which ones I'm talking about. And if these girls weren't the "mean girls" in high school they are want-to-be mean girls now. They still live in their own little worlds, they still think everyone should be like them or they will try to make people's lives hell.

It still doesn't bother me.

Why do people think I must feel like them to be normal?

Someone now has accused me of NOT being adopted...I just laughed. Yes, I must confess..... I set this blog up to write about adopting my daughter and was bombarded by commentors and reading other blogs about how terrible all the adoptees have it. I put myself out there to be bombarded, critisized and called names to tell people there really ARE happy adoptees....but it's all made up....Right.

I don't have to defend my Adopted Parents. They are wonderful people who you only wish you would know. They have let me always be me - they have NEVER told me I shouldn't search, they have never told me that my bios were bad. We never found a need to talk about it much AT ALL. I had all the non-identifying info by 18 and Catholic Charities was great about putting me in a family with the same background. I guess it's very difficult for people to believe I'm happy..... so now - I must not have been adopted at all.

Well, then don't read this blog, have a good time wallowing and stay blinded...... It's not for you anyway....this blog is to tell people that are looking to adopt that it DOES work and their children will most likely be happy, well adjusted adults.

My Comment about the previous post

I am re-posting a comment I left on my last post. Someone asked why I care if people are so angry about adoptions..... I answered

"Because there are hundreds of potential adopted mothers who are checking out blogs to see how adoptees feel. I want them to know that there are happy adoptees - more happy than not. It's fine that people tell about their bad adoptions and about the bad agencies. It's good to know what not to do....what to look for...but let's be honest...the percentages of bad experiences are very high on the blogs.

I am going to repeat myself here but just because people look (for their bios) and there are organizations for reunion - this DOES NOT (necessarily) mean people are upset by their adoptions or that they have been psychologically damaged in any way. This is curiosity - as an adoptee myself, I know what that is myself. I am also not saying you are wrong in the way you believe or that there are NO bad adoptions.
I just REALLY DISAPPROVE of people using their own experiences to PROVE that everyone feels the same way they do.
You can keep saying that that 6 million number ( adoptees in the country) doesn't matter but it does. There could be 10,000 people that have had bad experiences and, as bad as it sounds, that is a drop in the bucket. It's 10,000 too many, granted, but not that many in the scheme of things. Should those 10,000 be mad? YES
Should they work for change? Maybe
What about the 20 million who have had terrible bio parents? and 1/2 the country's kids who are victims of parents divorcing? 1/2 of those kids are messed up too....we have a country of messed up kids but thank goodness there are some good one's out there and the percentages of a potential bio moms finding a GOOD family for their child are very high"

For those of you with bad experiences...try to celebrate the good. I know you are angry and you should be. If you were not adopted maybe your life would have been just as bad or worse...have you thought about that? It may have been better too....we will never know. I'm sure there are kids out there who were treated poorly by their bioparents and prayed they WOULD have been adopted.

Let's celebrate the good that comes from adoption...there are 100s of a-moms on blogs who are great moms and have great kids! There are many adoptees out there who have had awesome lives....
And believe it or not, there are some biomoms out there who are at peace with where thier child is....with great adopted parents that they chose for them!

The Blame Game

My parents know that I know I am adopted. We don't really talk about it, I never saw a need. Now that I am an adopted parent they mention things about when they brought me home and how wonderful I was/am (awww). But, I would NEVER (as one of the commenters mentioned) tell them I have met my bios. I do this out of respect---I NEVER want them to think that the bios are more important than them...because they are NOT. They are friends....the only thing that links us is DNA. They are nice people and we maintain a mutual friendship but that is where it ends. My parents are in their 70s, times were different when I was born...it was all very secret and they were told not to talk about anything. There are still some things that are private....they have them too.

My biomom has said she had a fantasy of me joining in her family again one day and at first she felt like that would happen (totally understandable-she fantasized about it for 31 years)....but....she said she realized she didn't know me...I was NOT the baby she handed to the social worker. She knows I have parents and she is happy and at peace now that she knows that I was brought up by great people and I'm a happy, well adjusted adult. She said she finally felt a closure and has stopped smoking and has a great knew job. She's happy. We email back and forth a few times a year and we usually meet for lunch and exchange Christmas gifts in March or April. We are all in a great place----I know most of the people that comment can't believe that there are people out there that are emotionally okay with it all. They want someone to blame for their own unhappiness...

Blaming is a dangerous thing. Psychologists would say we are really blaming ourselves when we blame other people unjustly. I understand many people have been hurt in adoption. Still, the numbers don't add up to show that it's such a high percentage we should get rid of it all together. It has worked for too many people. There will always be those who are forced to do something they do not want to do....that is sad.
Am I blaming birthmothers who are forced? NO
Am I blaming birthmothers at all? NO
Can we blame MOST adopted parents? NO
Can we blame people who are corrupt and abuse a good system? YES

Are there crappy adopted parents like there are crappy bio parents? Absolutely
But how many? You go through all the screening process and tests and fees.....they don't do that to people are going to give birth to children (where is their screening process?). I will dare to say the percentage of good parents that adopt are probably higher than that of bioparents......(I know the abuse is off the charts for bioparents compaired to adopted parents).

One of the commenters wrote "Bio kids are luck of the draw, adopted are not." But that is untrue - do we as adopted parents "hand pick" an adopted child? I think it is the opposite....I would not do drugs or drink or smoke when pregnant but many biomoms do....and they place those babies in our arms and we love them regardsless of what effects that has had on them.

Anywhere there is money to be made - there will be those who take advantage....does it mean it is all bad? I am generalizing and you are all only looking at your own scenario or those that you read on these blogs (the small percentage that have not gone well).

NO ONE is denying your feelings if you were part of the corruption....if you were forced by a crappy father, if you were forced by some money hungry lawyer, if you were manipulated by a crappy agency/social worker or if you felt forced by society....We are all sorry, it should NOT happen.

Blame your fathers, blame the lawyers, blame the agency, blame the world you live in. Don't put blame on everyone else...there are good fathers, good lawyers, good agencies and even society has changed.

Six million adoptees out there mean six million biomoms....... If they were all forced into doing something they didn't want to do.....there would be a larger group speaking out about it (at least on anonymous blogs).

People who are so angry when reading these things have decided that I am saying they are wrong, or lying. I am NOT......but you have to look at the larger picture. There is bad in every situation in life I'm just sorry that you were the victims:
The woman who got the wrong leg amputated, The boy who got shot for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the man stabbed by a robber, The children abused by an alchoholic father, and on and on. You never think it will be you that suffers the bad stuff. Who are these people going to blame? Instead of writing about how mad they are at everyone else, I hope they blame the people that are really the cause of their suffering and then do something about it......

I will get Blasted but someone HAS to say it!

I've been reading a few blogs by mothers who voluntarily signed to have someone else raise the child they bore. They were talked to, warned, asked, shown the alternatives and they still did it. It is tragic for them, horrible, heartwrenching....I do see that. But, the signature was NOT forced. It was legal, a hundred times they could have said NO....I changed my mind. But now, they are on a crusade.

I, as an adopted mom (but also an adoptee) am offended that now WE are the bad guys because we were there to say....okay, WE will raise this child with all the love that we have. WE will give this child the parents they are being denied. I did NOT pay the biomom of my child, I did NOT force her baby out of her arms. She willingly and knowingly picked us and CHOSE US to raise the child she gave birth to, the child she loved in the womb, the child she loved SO much that she walked into an adoption office (with the father of the child) and said - "We want to put this child up for adoption and we want to pick who she goes to".

YES, the legality of it all sucks, YES the adoption agency gets too much money. They have an office and people working there and bills to pay and legal staff, councilors and social workers to pay....but I STILL think it's too much money. Does THAT have to change? Probably.

But, HOW DARE the bithmothers, biomoms, firstmothers (or whatever is PC at the moment) accuse US - the adopted parents of ANYTHING wrong. We have done nothing but love these children that you claim were "ripped from your arms". You were not concentration camp victims, prisoners or invalids. You may have made a mistake but there is no blame HERE.

Blame the system, blame the lawyers, blame our country, blame society.....but stop blaming us.

For those who say we should abolish Adoption because some people have had really bad experiences- it's like saying we should get rid of prisons because there have been people abused in them and wrongly sentenced or get rid of the military because some of the soldiers have abused their power. Get rid of adoption all together???? that's not going to happen. If people put as much effort into stopping crime, abortion, murders and disease......as they do trying to stop people from adopting.... we would have a better world.

I am an adoptee and an adopted mom and I am proud!!! I am happy and I am proud to be a part of the adoption process!!

Rosie (the windbag) and adoption thoughts

I don't watch "The View", I really could care less what those women's views are....especially the women they have chosen to represent.....

I did see, however, a clip of Rosie O'Windbag talking about how 'evil' Americans were because the military detained women and children at Guantanamo Bay. They were NOT tortured or even treated poorly....in fact, the children were treated nicely while the mothers (who wanted to blow up themselves and their children for their cause) were questioned. They were all released when they got some answers...no harm, no foul.

Yesterday, a car was blown up in the middle of a crowded area in Iraq with two children sitting in the back seat......that's how they got them past the checkpoint. Two innocent children sitting in the backseat of a car.....and their parents (or whoever else was in the car) chose to blow them to smitherines. And at Heathrow, aw hile back, when they thwarted a terrorist attempt....their were women with babies who were going to blow themselves up---one babie was 6 months old.

I'm not compairing any of these Jihadist Muslims to anyone outside their own realm....I am NOT compairing any of them to adoptees or biomoms....if anyone is thinking that. The story just got me thinking about people who are bitter about their situation. I am glad that no one has to deal with families who would put thier children in such peril. I am sure most moms, a-moms and biomoms would think these people are animals....I am grateful that my biomom loved me....I am thankful that people with decency would never think of letting someone blow up their child. This is the most horrendous thing (along with molesting your own child) that someone would do.

As an adoptee and an adopted mom it makes me even more grateful....more thankful, more joyous that children get a chance for a happy life. Moms, biomoms, and a-moms should rejoice we live in a civilized world!

Four Years Ago

Today is the anniversary of the start of the war in Iraq. I am celebrating the lives of the 6,000 some odd people that have perished as a result of Jihad Muslim's hatred against the Christian world.

I DO NOT blame the US government....I applaud them! We have not had another attack in four years. I DOOOOO protest the Jihadist Muslims around the world---NOT the war!

GO servicemen/women....you are needed and appreciated by SO many!

JOY JOY JOY

We all had such a wonderful weekend! Little bits stayed with my mom and dad (only the second time she has had babysitters other than the one during the day -- we take her everywhere), and we saw some St. Patrick's day entertainment at a pub near our old house. Music, poetry reading and storytelling. I got up and told two jokes in my Irish accent and I think they went over pretty well. Time with our friends----we missed her something awful!

She is standing by herself and showing some Independence....It makes me happy and sad. We would like her to be a baby a little while longer, it's such a wonderful time. But my mother once told me...."you have your children to teach them to be independant, happy, well-adjusted adults... training starts day one". They did a great job with me and I hope we are doing a great job with her. She is happy, that's for sure and she is working on her independance....I just pray the well-adjusted part falls into line....

I am a happy person who couldn't ask for much more (other than a lottery win)....

The USERS of Religion

There are those people out there that enjoy twisting the bible to their own wants, needs, desires (there is one imparticular named Lindsay...if that is her real name. She even has the gall to say she is a pastor, haha). We saw it with the cult leaders like Jim Jones and Koresh in Waco, they start with the basics but because of some weird happening - they start twisting around the bible to fit their own needs. Now most are not as crazy as these two guys but people still twist around the bible so it says what they want. Homosexual churches (an oxi moron) do it for sure...Benny Hinn is another. You cannot take what you want from the bible and leave the rest. People tend to do it in everyday life---that's why we have something like %90 of America calling themselves Christians....that's just a joke....most are as much "Christ followers" as Ghandi.

Now, there are things that can be in house debates like infant baptism, the age of the world, etc. Things that are debatable but anyway you look at it are still biblical.

Adoption is one of those things most "normal" Christians have no debate over. It is a wonderful way to grow a family. There are those, however, with some sort of agenda. They truly believe that adoption is wrong and that no one in the bible ever was "adopted". They like to say they were "fostered", which makes me laugh.

If these people did any research at all they would find there has been adoption for thousands of years. Taking care of orphans is definetly mentioned in the bible and if you look up the Greek for "orphan" (and take things in context) you would see that orphans are not just children who have had parents that have died. Children were adopted - taken in by a family, raised as their own - the mom and dad were just that. That IS adoption.....that's not an extended vacation or long summer camp.


medjek wrote:

Fostering has taken place for centuries. Infant adoption is a legal contruct that began about 150 years ago and did not even exist in many place until the 20th century. Adoption means a complete severing of all legal ties, plus falsifying birth records and sealing the original real records. Adopters are put down as having given birth to the children they adopted. In all other cases, falsifying government documents is a crime: so why not in adoption?

Isn't that funny? This is arguing semantics....it's jibberish really. Who is this person kidding? she must be very young.

NO- there weren't adoption agencies, NO there weren't all this legal mumbo jumpo and hoops to jump through...and 10s of thousands of dollars to pay....but that is today's society and it is to protect people from unscrupulous people who would manipulate. 6 million adoptees today - you can't tell me that they are all upset, sad, miserable people from a manipulated biological mother.

People who are this adimate about adoption being wrong must have had a bad experience and will do anything to spread their tainted beliefs. They don't bother me, they won't even change my mind --but, I don't like how they use religion to back up that belief.

there are those who are just SO against adoption that they curse those and shun those who are happy in adoption....especially if you were a biomom who is at peace with her decision or a happy adoptee. I was shunned by kimkim who is a biomom.....because she didn't like things I said about being happy with my situation. There are others who are so angry that they curse you....I will let you find those yourself.

GOD has adopted all of us....He changes our names....He paid a hefty price....He loves us more than we could fathom....we can live with Him forever......sounds like adoption to me.

The Smooth Rocking of my Boat

Are people happy with chaos? Are people happy with all the bad things in their life overwhelming them? Sometimes it feels that way. I read these blogs and it amazes me the hate, the anger, the sadness, the past permeating their ever angry pore.

People I know have suffered terrible losses.... Their childhood, their dignity, babies, loved ones, even body parts. But because I am a part of a Christian community these people are whole, they have joy. I'm not saying they are perfect and I'm not saying they don't have scars (some very visible)..... but They have dealt with the feelings, they have learned to cope with the past and have moved on and live in the here and now. They don't wallow in the muck and mire of sadness and anger.

Many of these bloggers have made some bad decisions, have taken a few bad turns and now blame others as much as they blame themselves. They don't want to take responsibility (do any of us?) for their past. It's easier to be angry at someone else. Who else is there to blame? So they get on a rampage, they target people who they think are wrong, they say they are against them, against what they think is an injustice....something for them to fight instead of putting their efforts into something more positive they "spread the malice".

I have a Leave it To Beaver Life compared to these people out their in Blogland. It makes me almost feel guilty that I don't have terrible baggage that affects me emotionally and mentally. This all makes me a little scared about the future of our country though. It seems everyone has something that has affected them in a bad way and people are hurting and this gives them the right to act any way they wish.

I guess it's difficult to see other people happy when they are not. Does making other people unhappy make these people feel better? more powerful? what?

I am a Happy, well adjusted adoptee who is also a happy well adjusted adopted mom with a great daughter and a great husband. I think that might upset people for some reason. I have had people tell me I'm "fooling myself", I'm "full of hot-air", I "can't be as happy as I'm letting on" and my favorite: "I bet you are a scammer and not even an adopted mom or adoptee at all".....that one still makes me laugh. Is it so hard to believe there are actually happy people still out there in the world??

My goodness...be happy for other people, encourage one another, be happy about something!

I am a Mother

I am a real mother
I have an incredible love for my child
I care for my child every day
I would kill anyone that tried to hurt my child
I am her mommy
I am a real mother

By biomom and the biomom of my daughter are just that..... a mother of biological blood ties. If the child would have stayed with them...they would be that child's "real" mother, not just a biomom.

They both are mothers, they have given birth....but I have mothered my child and my adopted parent mothered me. We are "real mothers".

I have respect for all mothers that have given birth...some have lost those children to miscarriage or infant death, some have lost them to adoption, some have raised them and lost them.....there are many mothers who have lost....but all deserve respect---I cannot deny that at all. None should be forgotten or treated poorly.

I am a real mother and very proud to be that!

Gratitude for a Happy Life

I am Grateful to God for a life of joy and happiness. I am thankful for a little girl who I love with my whole being. I am thankful for a life with adopted parents who I see as the best parents anyone could have ever asked for. I am thankful for a loving, wonderful husband who loves our daughter like a daddy should. I am thankful for the hardships I have had to endure, they have made me stronger....able to help others who have had the same hardships because I know how they feel, and how it feels....I also know how it feels to be on the other side so I can give encouragement.

I am thankful, I am full of JOY......despite any bad thing that is happening..........I am happy.

Packets

It's time for another packet for little bit's biomom. I love putting these together and actually take pictures with her in mind. I want her to see her teeth coming in, her adventures and her cute little things she does. When we get her professional picture taken I always get a picture with her bear---the same exact bear we gave her biomom. I want her to feel connected still in some way, if she want to. It's much harder to write a letter and tell her of all the things we are doing because I know she is wishing it could be her. I love them and pray for them all the time.

Happily exhausted

I have had about 3 hours of sleep (if that). Little bits has had a double ear infection and is doing much better but has decided not to sleep anymore. She has discovered the quiet, dark, night time hours and I think she is fascinated. The television is not on, the only lights are night lights and everything is just so quiet. She loves to lay in our arms with her eyes open.....it's sweet but at 4am I start to beg....."please sweety, close your eyes and sleep....please". I am so exhausted but the happiest exhausted I have ever been. My darling hubby loves to get up with her and he spent the first few hours in the wee hours and I took last last few....never thought I'd be so happy to get up for anyone in the middle of the night.

I now have the cold, the sinus infection and the stuffy head....poor baby, at least I can blow my nose. When I was a baby my mother said I always had a red nose (that's my biodad's "cold" genes), so we have been very forunate with the little peanut.