Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Smooth Rocking of my Boat

Are people happy with chaos? Are people happy with all the bad things in their life overwhelming them? Sometimes it feels that way. I read these blogs and it amazes me the hate, the anger, the sadness, the past permeating their ever angry pore.

People I know have suffered terrible losses.... Their childhood, their dignity, babies, loved ones, even body parts. But because I am a part of a Christian community these people are whole, they have joy. I'm not saying they are perfect and I'm not saying they don't have scars (some very visible)..... but They have dealt with the feelings, they have learned to cope with the past and have moved on and live in the here and now. They don't wallow in the muck and mire of sadness and anger.

Many of these bloggers have made some bad decisions, have taken a few bad turns and now blame others as much as they blame themselves. They don't want to take responsibility (do any of us?) for their past. It's easier to be angry at someone else. Who else is there to blame? So they get on a rampage, they target people who they think are wrong, they say they are against them, against what they think is an injustice....something for them to fight instead of putting their efforts into something more positive they "spread the malice".

I have a Leave it To Beaver Life compared to these people out their in Blogland. It makes me almost feel guilty that I don't have terrible baggage that affects me emotionally and mentally. This all makes me a little scared about the future of our country though. It seems everyone has something that has affected them in a bad way and people are hurting and this gives them the right to act any way they wish.

I guess it's difficult to see other people happy when they are not. Does making other people unhappy make these people feel better? more powerful? what?

I am a Happy, well adjusted adoptee who is also a happy well adjusted adopted mom with a great daughter and a great husband. I think that might upset people for some reason. I have had people tell me I'm "fooling myself", I'm "full of hot-air", I "can't be as happy as I'm letting on" and my favorite: "I bet you are a scammer and not even an adopted mom or adoptee at all".....that one still makes me laugh. Is it so hard to believe there are actually happy people still out there in the world??

My happy for other people, encourage one another, be happy about something!


Anonymous said...

I gather people leave snide comments? I would guess that people affected by adoption are like any other subgroup: there are happy and unhappy people.

Anonymous said...

you are barren bitch. you are a fake mother, a second mother, second choice. just as your daughter was your second choice. your first choice would have been to get pregnant

Anonymous said...

Ah, I see the type of comments you are are referring to. What is the point of that? Does someone feel so bad about themselves that they feel the need to spew out cruelty? I'm sorry Petunia.

Christine said...

I'm sorry too, Petunia.
Never heard anything quite like that before.
Not only are you barren, you are also a bitch. It's a very reasonable comment. Do you think you are a bitch because you are barren, or would you have been a bitch regardless? Hmmm. Makes you think...
Anyway, I've been lurking for a while, but thought I'd give you a little support today and let you know I enjoy your blog. I think it's important to hear all sides and all opinions, and your blog just offers another voice.

katd said...

People are horrible. I absolutely love your blog and I find your honesty and positivity refreshing. I totally agree with you. There ARE adoptees who are happy with their lives, there are birthmoms who know they did the right thing. Life doesn't have to be so terrible and dramatic all the time. I do think that knowing God and having faith makes a huge difference in your attitude and outlook on life.
I'm so sorry that people are mean to you, but know that there are those of us who love your blog and your great attitude. Can you change the comments to be moderated so you can just delete the horrible ones?

petunia said...

Meaness from people just tells me how unhappy they are- it doesn't bother me at all---thank you for all the support! I am the only mother and the best mother for my child just like my mom is my ONLY mother...even though I have a biomom out there.
"Mean anonymous" hides behind her anonymity and her anger---she's really I actually feel sorry for her.

BethGo said...

Hi Petunia-
You made a statement awhile back about how no happy adoptees write about their experiences.
You should check out the book Ithaka by Sarah Saffian. She, like you, is a happy adoptee who was found and called unexpectedly by her firstmother. It was a phonecall that turned her world upside down. Her memoir is about the fall out of that first contact and subsequent reunion and how Ms. Saffian found peace in her life her way.

In regard to negative comments. I don't understand why people are stooping so low to insult you so harshly. Name calling is never pleasant. I think adoption is a complicated issue. I wish we would all stop trying to turn each other into bad guys just because we see things from different perspectives.
I personally have seen vile statements coming from all sides of this issue and I just don't get it.
I wish things could be different.

AnotherAmy said...

Loved the post. As a birth mother I suffered the expected feelings of loss and moved on with my life. I do not feel as if part of me was ripped away, I do not feel as thought I was incomplete before I met her again, I don't care what term you call me. It was a part of my life but not a defining factor that effected my entire life. I feel like the people I trusted with my infant daughter did a really crappy job of it but, that's a completely separate issue.
It is refreshing to see a blog from an adoptee who had a normal life and is happy with the situation they're in. Very few people in normal healthy relationships even speak of their status as birth mother or adoptee. It's refreshing to read about someone else who is okay with it. Obviously 6:51 PM has some pretty serious issues they haven't been able to deal with yet.