My parents know that I know I am adopted. We don't really talk about it, I never saw a need. Now that I am an adopted parent they mention things about when they brought me home and how wonderful I was/am (awww). But, I would NEVER (as one of the commenters mentioned) tell them I have met my bios. I do this out of respect---I NEVER want them to think that the bios are more important than them...because they are NOT. They are friends....the only thing that links us is DNA. They are nice people and we maintain a mutual friendship but that is where it ends. My parents are in their 70s, times were different when I was born...it was all very secret and they were told not to talk about anything. There are still some things that are private....they have them too.
My biomom has said she had a fantasy of me joining in her family again one day and at first she felt like that would happen (totally understandable-she fantasized about it for 31 years)....but....she said she realized she didn't know me...I was NOT the baby she handed to the social worker. She knows I have parents and she is happy and at peace now that she knows that I was brought up by great people and I'm a happy, well adjusted adult. She said she finally felt a closure and has stopped smoking and has a great knew job. She's happy. We email back and forth a few times a year and we usually meet for lunch and exchange Christmas gifts in March or April. We are all in a great place----I know most of the people that comment can't believe that there are people out there that are emotionally okay with it all. They want someone to blame for their own unhappiness...
Blaming is a dangerous thing. Psychologists would say we are really blaming ourselves when we blame other people unjustly. I understand many people have been hurt in adoption. Still, the numbers don't add up to show that it's such a high percentage we should get rid of it all together. It has worked for too many people. There will always be those who are forced to do something they do not want to do....that is sad.
Am I blaming birthmothers who are forced? NO
Am I blaming birthmothers at all? NO
Can we blame MOST adopted parents? NO
Can we blame people who are corrupt and abuse a good system? YES
Are there crappy adopted parents like there are crappy bio parents? Absolutely
But how many? You go through all the screening process and tests and fees.....they don't do that to people are going to give birth to children (where is their screening process?). I will dare to say the percentage of good parents that adopt are probably higher than that of bioparents......(I know the abuse is off the charts for bioparents compaired to adopted parents).
One of the commenters wrote "Bio kids are luck of the draw, adopted are not." But that is untrue - do we as adopted parents "hand pick" an adopted child? I think it is the opposite....I would not do drugs or drink or smoke when pregnant but many biomoms do....and they place those babies in our arms and we love them regardsless of what effects that has had on them.
Anywhere there is money to be made - there will be those who take advantage....does it mean it is all bad? I am generalizing and you are all only looking at your own scenario or those that you read on these blogs (the small percentage that have not gone well).
NO ONE is denying your feelings if you were part of the corruption....if you were forced by a crappy father, if you were forced by some money hungry lawyer, if you were manipulated by a crappy agency/social worker or if you felt forced by society....We are all sorry, it should NOT happen.
Blame your fathers, blame the lawyers, blame the agency, blame the world you live in. Don't put blame on everyone else...there are good fathers, good lawyers, good agencies and even society has changed.
Six million adoptees out there mean six million biomoms....... If they were all forced into doing something they didn't want to do.....there would be a larger group speaking out about it (at least on anonymous blogs).
People who are so angry when reading these things have decided that I am saying they are wrong, or lying. I am NOT......but you have to look at the larger picture. There is bad in every situation in life I'm just sorry that you were the victims:
The woman who got the wrong leg amputated, The boy who got shot for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the man stabbed by a robber, The children abused by an alchoholic father, and on and on. You never think it will be you that suffers the bad stuff. Who are these people going to blame? Instead of writing about how mad they are at everyone else, I hope they blame the people that are really the cause of their suffering and then do something about it......