Friday, July 27, 2007

I am a happy, grateful, thankful adoptee

I have discussed with my biomom (she was the one who brings it up) that I was better off. It would not have been a good life with them. Biomom said they would/should not ever get married. And she being a single mom would not have been good. It worked out so great for her, she met and married a guy (she met him right after she placed me). He understood and helped her get on with a great life with two more girls. The biodad was on a break up with his long time girl friend who he went back to and married and they have two great kids (he told her about the "fling"). Life worked out the way it was supposed to.

Both the bios have agreed that I was brought up great and they could not/would not have done as good of a job. So I am grateful to them and to my aparents, I am thankful that I was adopted. It doesn't take away from people who didn't have a great life or good aparents. When they find out their bios were better there is a bitterness that creeps in. They start to say "It would have been better with them", "it's always better to stay with your biological family" --- well, it's not always better.

You can say you love your aparents all you want but if you say it's always better to stay with bios - you are slapping your aparents in the face. Shoving all the love and concern they gave right back in their faces. I'm guessing they weren't as great as claimed when you are that mean to the people who raised you - there is no real love.

I love my parents....I don't give them respect for what they did - I give them respect because of who they are, I love them because they are lovable and not because they deserve something from me because they adopted me....that's just sick. I feel sorry for those who have had aparents that they don't honestly love--- if they held adopting you over your head or pulled it like a rug out from under you every time you "disappointed them"- shame on them.

I am happy, thankful and grateful - I am who I am because of great parents.


Lori said...

I'm glad there are stories like yours to be told.

I hope my children feel the same one day.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for telling your story. I work with the bioparents that I think anyone would agree that their children would have been better off adopted into a stable family (bioparents are in and out of jail, kids are shuffled from relative's house, back to bio's, to another relative's house because bio is back in jail, back to the bio's who is know living with abusive boyfriend, etc) This is the point where I start to see the kids (I'm a child therapist in a community mental health agency). And bio is completely in denial that her behaviors have any connection to her kid's outbursts. Sigh. It is exhausting work.

LeRoy Dissing said...

Anon - I see it all the time as well in child welfare where bio parents are given opportunity after opportunity...and the resources but just don't, won't, aren't able to make good choices. In the meantime, the kids are growing up in a dysfunctional environment and starting to assimilate those behaviors/emotions. I sometimes feel like the boy with my finger in the dike watching the tidal wave roll over me. I hear you!