Tuesday, July 24, 2007


I have had so many prospective adopted parents (PAPs) leave me comments. Most have wanted me to e-mail them about being an adoptee who also adopted. All of them who have been on the blogs are afraid of the anti-adopters. If they have a blog they don't want them to find out their address, they don't want to deal with the comments. Once they know the link it's like they can ascend live a pack of dogs. Before I had comment moderation and allowed anonymous posters - it was a little crazy so I get it. These couples just want to be happy. One girl wrote:

My husband and I are waiting to be matched and have a blog to record it all but I made the mistake of searching the blogs to find other couples who were waiting. There are some and they have been helpful but when I started to look at some of the adoptee blogs they were scary. These people scare me. We both have people in our families that are adopted and we had to ask them if they felt this way. Two were unaware that poelpe thought that way and my cousin said someone she knew, who blogs about her family, came across one or two and showed them to her. She was shocked at the mean things they say and especially that they think everyone feels the same.
I was so happy to come across your blog and see that there are adoptees that are happy out there in the blog world. Please send me link of more. I was blown over by the numbers of people that are adopted in the US and it really confirmed for us that most people who are adopted are OK.
If you wouldn't mind, could you please e-mail me at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX so I could ask you some questions? I saw that you had comment moderation (we do too) please don't publish this so it won't link me or show my e-mail address. Looking forward to hearing from you.

I e-mailed her to ask if I could publish what she wrote without her info and she said yes.
This is why I am still here. I want people to know not all adoptees are unhappy.


reedster said...

My wife and I were asked to participate in an introductory meeting with PAPs, and my main advice was to pay attention to adoption reform issues, understand that honesty is the best policy with your future children, never kick the adoption themes under the rug with your child, and most importantly... AVOID the adoption blogosphere (I mentioned your blog and a few others as good stops if you MUST check it out). :)

Trace said...

I always laugh when I hear the term PAP because my mind automatically goes to pap smear. I'm not offended, I just think it's funny.

I've had people leave snide comments on my blog before and that was when I started comment moderation, and I haven't had anyone leave a nasty comment since I made the change. Although, I never had anyone who was as mean as the people who posted on your blog.

petunia said...

Trace, I think I have hit a nerve because all these people have banded together and want to drive off anyone who doesn't have the anti-adoption agenda. It's hard for them to believe people don't feel the "abandonment" and what is it they are all using now now...."feelings of loss that ALL adoptees feel".

Perky said...

I've done the same thing, Petunia!

Sometimes I feel like I should print up business cards for myself that say

Happy Adoptee!
Happy Adoptive Mom!
(relatively) Normal Person!

Whenever I've attended events targeted at PAPs, I find myself reassuring people all the time! I've also had to add my personal experiences during the question and answer session after panel discussions by adult adoptees, who, without fail, are always bitter and spending their lives searching for their birthfamilies!

Almost every adult adoptee I've EVER met in my life has been happy, normal and quite comfortable with being adopted. I tend to discuss my own adoption not because I have any "unresolved issues" about it, but rather for the opposite reason -- I'm an adoption advocate and I try to show that adoption is normal and fine and good.