Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Divorce and the Children

I've never had anyone in my family, or any of my friends get a divorce. But, I worked with a woman who was already divorced when I met her. It was a bad divorce and the kids suffered. There were hard feelings on all sides and they lived with those feelings every day--it defined who they were and determined their actions...it was hard to watch.

My neighbor, on the other hand, was divorced when she moved in and the ex-husband came over all the time, the kids enjoyed being with them together or separately...it seemed a perfect solution to a bad situation. Everyone getting along - the exes...the new spouses, all the kids. It was nice to see them all get along. No one thought of divorce every day, no one seemed the worse for wear. They had decided to be kind to one another and treat eachother with respect.

That's how I see adoption a little bit. There are those who just can't seem to live with it, it defines them. Probably because of the circumstances, the people involved, etc. Then, there are those who are not affected by the circumstances, they don't think about it much because it has not had the bad affects on them, and the people involved are different.

All of us are made differently, affected differently by different things. I was brought up being told I was the most wonderful child, they let me make mistakes but praised me for whatever I did. I wrecked the car but my father praised me for wearing my seatbelt. I burned the bacon but they told me how good the eggs were. I guess it was just not a "train wreck" life to talk about. I almost feel guilty that I had a great life. I've been on church retreats and women are talking about how bad their parents were to them and when it comes to me I really don't have anything to say....

So, when people question me and say my life sounds a little too perfect...it wasn't THAT perfect. I did stupid things as a teenager and I talked back and fought for independance growing up. But, I guess my life was pretty great and I'm (dare I say) grateful that I had so many people around me to love me and treat me so well. It's difficult for most people to believe that I am genuine but...that's everyone else's problem. I want to give my daughter just as great of a life as I had.

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