Tuesday, April 17, 2007

OUR Child

I know this will probably make people mad but it must be said. I talked to some people yesterday about a case that a biomother is fighting for her child....after a year. She has changed her mind and is now "in a better place" in her life. I'm sorry, but if someone came forward now and said my daughter's biomom has now changed her mind I would do everything in my power to fight. This is our child now....we have raised her, cleaned her, sat up with her and loved her beyond anyone's ability to love.....our child. I know there is DNA involved, I know that she carried her in her womb. But, for whatever reason she had at the time...she made her decision and must live with it. We are now her parents. Doesn't anyone care about the adopted parents' hearts? What's best for them? And what's BEST for the child is to continue to know the only parents that child has ever known.....don't mess up the family and especially the child for God sakes!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

that's right you love your child more than any bio mom could...you are better than any bio mom ever. go petunia. you sound like a child... SHE IS MINE, MINE...ALL MINE. adoption when an infant is involved just is not natural and should NOT be allowed. that is what happened to me. my mom never even was allowed to see me, then she signs papers, regrets it all along and my aparents did not even have the heart to send her pictures or a letter...nothing....i have very little to do with my aparents and am trying ALONE to find my real family. until then i feel quite alone. i hope it pays off though, this search for the real me!

th813 said...

dear anonymous 1:12,

How easy it is for you to turn against your aparents while you cultivate the fantasy of your birthparents (who you've not yet met). I'm not saying your aparents weren't at fault for not sending pictures (a big mistake, actually) - however it seems as though you've made people into villains and heroes...without explaining much by way of evidence. Don't fault your aparents for being aparents. If there's more to it, than I'll shut up...but don't hate them just because they adopted. That's juvenile.

Anonymous said...

If you are talking about Evelyn Bennett you are everything I ever thought you to be and worse. If so this is positive proof that you live for inciting anger and controversy. I suggest you spend that time and energy on the child you claim to have yet rarely mention.

petunia said...

It's sad the you (first anonymous) had a bad childhood...sounds like you feel your aparents were not the best people. Well, like th813 said...you live with a fantasy that your life would have been better? As an adoptee and now a birthmom (a perspective that you all do not have) I can see from two sides of the coin. No, I cannot know how it feels as a biomom -- I know that it has to be heartwrenching and I'm not taking that away from them. However, once that decision is made and the aparents have and love that child you cannot just yank that child away from them. I think unethical behavior is horrendous and that little Evelyn baby should have NOT been taken from the mother the way she was. #2 annoymous - I'm not talking about that baby. When a biomom has every opportunity and decides to place - the aprents have that baby and it is THEIR child... the die is set....there is no turning back.

Paula O. said...

Dear Petunia:

You said "When a biomom has every opportunity and decides to place - the aprents have that baby and it is THEIR child..."

In my opinion, our children, regardless of how they joined our family, are not possessions, are not objects and are definitely not an "it" (as you referred to in aforementioned quote) to claimed as if they are something that we own.

Best,
Paula
An adoptee with two very real mothers, and two very real fathers
Also an adoptive parent to a son with two mothers and two fathers

petunia said...

As an adoptee Paula, I have to disagree. My biomom was no longer my "mother" (mother by blood only) Once My mom and dad saw me and took me home. I feel the same way...my daughter's biomom is related by blood and I will be happy when they can meet after my daughter is 18 (if they both want to) but she is our child...I send pictures and notes about how she is doing and I pray for her bioparents every day. But we do not co-parent....this is a life time deal. If my daughter wants a relationship with her later that would be fine with me and since I know my biomom it won't bother me a bit - because I know she knows me as mom.

Anonymous said...

Petunia, what if your child feels differently than you do about adoption? Would you support your child if the child feels that they have two moms?

-rox

Anonymous said...

petunia, it really scares me that you add the stipulation each and every time...."my daughter will have my support IF she wants to meet her biomom...IF they both want to". it leaves a very sour taste with me, as it is how i was spoken to for 19 years. my admom never truly felt that in her heart, by her wording and her tone, i knew that. i am adopted and i consider i have one mom, by mom by nature. no one in my adoptive family will help me search, that is how i am alone. i have friends who will help, but no family. i hope that my biofamily has the interest in me that i have in them.

petunia said...

It's funny that people question me about this...I have said all along - if they both want to meet they will. I'm actually excited that she wouldn't have to look far (if her biomom stays in contact with the agency). I know how I feel about my amom so it bothers me less I think if my daughter wants to have a relationship with her biomom...it's okay with me. She's very sweet and has a very gentle personality....
However, if my daughter or her biomom does not want to meet I will not force it...that's all I'm saying. There are biological mothers who do not want to meet their biological offspring and there are adoptees who do not wish to meet their bioparents. I will encourage it because I know just meeting even once can give you some answers about looks, build, medical etc.

Anonymous said...

You are a breath of fresh air! I have children I have given birth to and a daughter by adoption and they are all my children and I would fight like hell if anyone tried to take any of them from me. She is my heart and soul no different from the others.

Anonymous said...

A lot of these birthmothers end up getting their kid back then giving them up again because they can't handle parenting. If my child's birthmother showed up at my house, she'd be met with a restraining order.

Nicole said...

You do know that this adoption hasn't ever been finalized (thus it's not really an adoption), BECAUSE Stephanie started fighting very early, don't you?

And you do know the baby was five months old at relinquishment, right?

So it wasn't like a whole year passed and THEN the Bennett's started fighting. They started fighting quickly. This child wouldn't be in limbo if the agency had done the decent thing and just given Evelyn back to her mom.

petunia said...

this post was not about that baby by the way....i didn't even know about that when I wrote it. But since I read about it - I do think it was wrong the way it happened but after a year you have to do what's best for the child. That's what everyone says they believe but I don't think they listen to themselves...what is best for the child? the only parents she has ever known...maybe they can work out an open adoption siyuation so the biomom stays in her life.