It's an OBOMINATION

I don't know who would be worse.....I really don't.....

Worldmeter....

Look at the numbers of abortions done this year on THIS site....when I looked at it the number was over 4.5 million and the number of abortions done to save the mother was just under 124,000. That is just so sad.

DON'T Double-Dip!

Last week I heard the results of an experiment in double dipping. Prof. Paul L. Dawson of Clemson University wanted to test the conventional wisdom that re-dipping a chip after you’ve bitten some off will spread germs in the community dip. Of course, he had state-of-the-art equipment and plenty of students for his experiment, which found up to 10,000 bacteria CAN be transferred to the dip by each double-dipper. But people who have no such resources do their own experiments every day. :)

A Positive, Well Adjusted Adoption Blog

A year ago I wrote THIS post and I was reminded of it by a comment today. Thank you Alix for reminding me that I need to keep this message in the forefront. People need to know there are a lot of us out there and prospective adopted parents need to read positive things about the adoption experience. There are some bad blogs out there about adoption and it could be discouraging if you didn't realize they are the minority.

Obama and Clinton - talk about a bad economy!

I hope people realize if either of the two "children" win.... our economy will be shot to H*LL. They both want to increase the dividend and capital gains tax ----ludicrous! You think our stock exchange is bad now? You think retired people have a hard living on dividends?? The Democrats want to make people with money pay more - but in doing so you will stop people from buying and selling stock....you will stop investment....I hope the democrats start paying more attention! How people that are college educated can be so stupid is beyond me!!!!!????

Obama also said he would repeal the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans....come on...idiot....who makes the world go 'round here? These are the guys who give the jobs, build the businesses and help our economy...stupid stupid stupid.

looked at another way Obama is telling us he supports a 268% tax increase on consumers...

A baby in the womb....can you cut this up and suck it out?

A human embryo at 7 weeks gestation, measuring approximately 14 mm (crown to rump). The upper limbs, fingers, and face are developing and growing rapidly but are still forming their shape. The eye is developing but is not functioning yet. The brain is developing rapidly and the blood vessels supplying it with blood are clearly visible.

Hand of a fetus at 15 weeks gestation. At this stage the fetus measures approximately 92 mm (crown to rump), the fetal face and limbs are well formed, the eyes are sealed shut but are sensitive to light, the fetus can hear and responds to some sounds with movement, and fingernails and fingerprints have developed. The fetal bones have been stained with a dye which only stains the calcified regions.
Human fetus at 16 weeks gestation, measuring approximately 110 mm (crown to rump). At this stage, the fetal face and limbs are well formed, fingernails can be seen on the hands, and fingerprints have developed on the skin. The eyes are sealed shut but are sensitive to light, and the fetus can hear and respond to some sounds with movement. The fetal bones have been stained with a dye which only stains the calcified regions.


The new ultrasounds have given scientists and doctors a new perspective on life inside the womb:

12 weeks

24 weeks

26 weeks

Too many people who think abortion is okay will try to tell themselves it's humane and it's not a child. Anyone who thinks that should look at THIS video...all the way through..... if you can.
It's from the 80s and it is powerful- imagine what they could do now with the newer technology? Even then, people who saw this video had a change of heart. Don't take a blind eye.....watch it.

Hillary, the Movie...and more

THIS is not a joke, it's a real movie that the Clintons are doing everything they can to stop.

If anyone would bother really getting into her past and her record they could NOT, in good conscience, vote for her.

Even though there have been reports that the "Clinton Casualties" are all made up THIS site (and many others) tell the names of people who have really died mysteriously and had something to do with the Clintons...

And what about all those papers that are "under lock and Key" in the white house? Bill has ordered that zillions of so-far-unreleased documents in the National Archives, concerning the former first lady’s activities in the Clinton White House, will remain unreleased for several more years (2012 to be exact). Why can't we see memos between Hillary and Bill on such policy issues as welfare reform or Bill’s advice to Hillary on her 2000 Senate campaign? What are we NOT supposed to find in all of it? I'm surprised she wouldn't have shred all the controversial papers like she did with Vince Foster's documents and the Health Care Task Force.

Came across this great web site, The Hillary Project --- a great site that reports on Hillary when the liberal media will not.

Like fights on the Playground

I cannot STAND these two - -----good God....I hope neither of them fool enough people to actually win! (they should be SO embarrassed)

Fed up with Generation Whiner?

What happen to the good old days when people were not wusses?
I am to the point of being sick and tired of cry babies (no, Gershom, this has nothing to do with you).
I just got done reading an article by a therapist that wrote:

"Every adoptee loses their birth family, even in open adoptions. Loss creates sadness and anger and sometimes depression. Loss leads to yearning and mourning for what is no longer ours. Adoptees can sometimes feel this on a daily basis."

Bla, bla, bla.... give me a break. Is our society so hung up on our "feelings" and so self centered they need all this therapy for all their "problems"?....hmmm...."your parents didn't give you enough validation and I think it's all because you were adopted"...that will be $100 please.

Has anyone talked to people who are over 70? These people lost parents, children, spouses, went through the depression - barely making it, some went through war (some of the men killing the enemy). Even my own mom lost her mother at a young age during the depression and two of the children had to live with the priest for a few years. Those were hard years and people went through much more than any other generation....but you don't see them going to therapists or whining about their pasts. They are the most hard working, happiest and honest people you will meet (as a whole).

So when did it become "all about me"....the generations of selfish whiners?
Therapists will tell you about all the people who are unhappy....well, hell0----that's all they see...that's why people go to therapists. So, if they see 100 patients everyone is unhappy? Come on.....we don't know what hardship and sadness is.....we all have it way too easy and I guess people need something to complain about.

Live your life....make it happy and leave the past in the past.....what have you lost??????? TIME WORRYING ABOUT IT ALL.

************end of rant

Adoption, Adoptees and NOT speaking for everyone

In response to a comment I decided to write a post just about my feelings on adoption adoptees, birthparents and adopted parents. One of the reasons I write anything is that many prospective adopted parents spend time scouring the blogs for any information about adoption before they take the plunge. Not too many happy adoptees write anything...why should they. However, they are the majority. I want these people to have hope about adoption, to know that most adoptions work out okay, that not everyone is anti-adoption and birthparents and adoptees are out there living normal lives and happy with themselves and their life in general.

Now, I realize not all adoptions are good, not all turn out well, and not all adopted parents are good. But for the most part things are okay in the adoption world and only a small percentage of people have bad experiences. Is that taking anything away from people who have not had a good adoption experience? - NO...In a perfect world everyone could stay with their biological parents, everyone could conceive and have their own biological children and everone would live happily ever after. But that does not happen.

All adoptions are different because all people are different. Is anything perfect about adoption...no. There are people who cannot keep a baby for many different reasons, there are people who want to adopt a baby for many different reasons and there are good and bad people out there trying to help those people....what a mess.

So, as birthparents and as adopted parents you find a place where people care about you, there are rules and ethics and things are done legally. That's the best anyone can do.
I am one of the few people that write about how well adoption can work....It didn't start out that way but I feel that someone has to have good stories in the blogisphere or we are going to have everyone going to different countries to adopt ( and there are plenty of children here who need adopted parents).

Children need to be able to locate their biological family when they grow up and you have a hard time doing that when they are in another country with bad records.

So...for the record, I do not speak for all adoptees because we are all as different as snowflakes. But there are 6 million adoptees and the curve is high for happiness.....

Another Reason to like John McCain

McCain has always had a strong view on pro-life (check his record folks) - even though
THIS article may suggest he is using his adopted daughter as a stand on pro-life.....I say...So What?
Use me....I've always said I'm a poster child for pro-life, every adoptee is. Except for a few whacos you are going to find most adoptees say "thank goodness my biomom was pro life". Everyone has the right to live....doesn't the child have a choice?

I don't agree about his stand on stem cell reasearch but he is in the camp that three - 10 cells if not a human yet.....I disagree.

Is it a form of Hypochondria?

I have read a few negative blogs lately that all claim the same thing...."I thought I was well adjusted and being adopted didn't bother me until I started reading these blogs...."

ARG, is it like Scientology where even though it's crazy people follow?
or like some sort of hypochondria where you are convinced something is wrong?
I think it's quite interesting how they are fine for 20 or thirty years and BOOM...all of a sudden they have a problem with it...when they know they can get, what?....support, empathy from strangers, some feeling of solidarity? Does it really do something for them?

I know there are a few adoptees with some psychological problems...I won't name names.....but these may be legit claims. Is it from adoption? Or the family they grew up in? Who knows, it may be in the genes.....but, how many people must one convince they too have problems before they convince themselves their problem is legit?

I had never realized there were so many unhappy people out there....always looking for something to blame it on.....

Being an Adoptee

Adoptees are odd to the outside world -- the whole concept is hard for them to grasp....they can't imagine how they would feel because they have no point of reference. Shoot, it's an odd thing for the adoptees too.....we don't know how NOT to feel like an adoptee but I'm quiet certain it's not that much different from what biological children feel about their parents. They are our parents....period.
Okay, so there are a few differences in our looks perhaps....so? Our nationalities may even be different.....so? We feel the same about our parents....they're ours.

If I was disfigured but biologically related to my parents....would there be questions? Would my parents wonder why I couldn't look just like them and vice-a-versa? Absolutely not.
If two biological blond haired, brown eyed parents give birth to a child who is red headed and blue eyed...would there be a question that the child didn't love them as much?

So, being adopted means we have a more interesting past, more people that care about us --- they care enough to give us a future. Are we loved more than biological children then? Maybe.... It really is luck of the draw isn't it? - so is being born and living with your biological parents....you get what you get.....

I'll never forget talking to the lawyer who "filled in" when our adoption lawyer was out of town. We were just there to sign some preliminary papers before we brought J home but he was an adopted father. I don't know how we got on the subject but he somehow intimated that he was fearful that his daughter would grow up and want to find her biological parents and he would lose her. I assured him it really didn't mean that and he should let her/help her. I told him how much I love my parents but felt a need to find my biofamily. I told him how I felt about it all - with my husband sitting there hearing me talk about what I don't think I had actually voiced in his presence before. The man was so grateful to talk to me about it. He said he had only helped out for this adoption lawyer a few times and it always made him think about it. I was the first adult adoptee he had met.

If you are not adopted you don't understand the feeling of just being curious and wanting to know things about your biofamily. It doesn't mean you're going to run off and join their family when you find them. Your parents are always your parents. The biofamily are strangers. It's almost a matter of closure. You feel you can move on after you find them, know the back-story, know why things happened the way they did....then back to your life.

My neighbors have a son and he is adopted. When we adopted J he was 15 and it brought the whole subject up in their family again. (It does get pushed to the background as life goes on). They talked about it then a little but now he is a senior and he is writing about it in English. The teacher talked to the councilor who talked to his parents....and suggested counciling. Counciling? I think that's funny, but if it will help him I guess....
It's just that coucilors have textbook answers, textbook reasons why and what for....
I had a long conversation with his mom in the grocery store and she and her husband were so upset that maybe they had done something wrong and it made him feel this way and question. I assured her that it had nothing to do with them and he still loves them and they are his parents. It's what many adoptees feel....curiosity, the need to know. It doesn't change their relationship. I told her how much I love my mom and dad and I would never want them to be hurt. That's why a lot of adoptees don't talk about it with the Aparents - they have such loyalty to them.

**Another thing is this boy's birthmom made a memory book of pictures from when she was little until his birth but when she talked with my neighbor she made her promise she would not give him the book or tell him about it until after he was out of high school. She hasn't told her son it exists because she promised but now she's afraid if she gave it to him he would think she held that back/lied and he would be angry. I wish he would talk to me about it.

I guess if I were an Aparent and wasn't an adoptee too I would be a little afraid. I wouldn't understand when my child wanted to know more about their birth family - I think I would be scared and wonder what I did wrong....

Don't worry Aparents..... we are just nosy creatures, we humans....

I am Loved! I am an Adoptee....

As an adoptee I hear those sad adoptees who think they are rejected. That is simply not true. We adoptees are loved twice as much...more even. We are loved, cared about and cared for. We could have been rejected like many millions are rejected every year and sucked out of the womb bit by bit and discarded in a medical waste bin. But instead, our bio-mothers (and sometimes bio-fathers too) loved us so much they gave us a life, gave us a chance, gave us more people who love us.

My daughter's bioparents totally love her. They wish that circumstances could have been different but they wanted her to have the best life and people who would love and care for her.....

I feel so loved......I feel sorry for those who look at it any differently.

Charity giving

UNICEF sounds like a great organization - wow, they have great ideals....
The sad reality is that only $0.20 of ever dollar goes to the children. The rest is eaten up by the UN for program administration.

Which means that out of the $15 billion collected for the program in 2006 only $3 billion was actually spent on children.

A reporter a few years ago did an investigation and followed the money trail, he was surprised to find that the money collected for UNICEF, a good portion was used to buy tanks for the Cubans in Angola.

Give.org is one organization you can use to look up a charity to whom you are donating.

What is the Difference between a Fetus and a Baby?

A Missouri woman has been charged with involuntary manslaughter after her unborn baby dies from meth. So.........If she went to an abortion clinic, that's okay....that's disposing of a "fetus". If she took drugs and she kills her unborn "baby", then it's illegal...... I'm sorry, there is something definitely wrong with this picture.

Baby Max back with the Stocklaufers!

A Jackson County judge ruled the child must be returned to Gary Stocklaufer and his wife. Gary had said the reason the judge took the child from their home was because he was obese (over 550) but he has since had gastric by-pass and he has lost 200 pounds. The child was with them from 4 weeks to 4 months and is coming back to them at 8 months. For those missing 4 months the baby boy stayed with a family that was trying to adopt him.

The actual reason for removing the baby from their home, so says a judge, was because the Stocklaufers had not followed proper procedure when moving the baby across state lines. Baby Max is actually a relative of the Stocklaufers and now back with the family.

A beautiful story from an adopted mom

Read it HERE

Scientology is scary and spooky...

Ron Jr. remembers his father as a "broke science-fiction writer" who espoused that the road to riches and glory lay in selling religion to the masses.

A guy makes up a religion and "sells" it to some of the richest people in the world---wow, i wish he would have used that power of persuasion to help the poor or something.

Domestic Adoption is still possible

Read a great article about breaking down the stereotypes of domestic adoption and birthmoms....people don't think that you can still adopt children from the US--I know we have had many people ask us "where is she from?"...."here", I usually say....after a pause it's always the same response, with eyes open wide-- "here???" - like they didn't hear right.
Here's a little excerpt:

"Even as domestic adoption evolves, negative stereotypes of birthmothers refuse to die out. Attorney Mark McDermott has been working to correct such stereotypes for 21 years. “Sometimes I feel like I have not made a dent,” he says. Most damaging are the portrayals of birthmothers as heartlessly “giving up” their children. In reality, most of them have made a painful, but loving, choice—one for which there is very little societal support.

Despite the perception that most birthmothers are irresponsible teenagers, many are single mothers who already have a child, and who face economic pressure to place a child. “Women are educated and empowered to make a choice, and they want the best life possible for their child,” says Steve Kirsh, an adoption attorney in Indianapolis. Adoption professionals see a crying need to de-stigmatize adoption, and to fight the damaging biases that discourage women in crisis pregnancies from considering adoption. "

A New Year - A year for Families to grow!

I pray that this new year helps to find many kids new adopted families and the families to find those kids.....
There are too many couples waiting....waiting..... I know how that waiting can feel SO long and hurt So much.

2008 - the year of LOVE!

There is so much light on adoption now. With all the Hollywood stars adopting - it's made it less of a taboo thing to talk about for the general public. "Adopted and proud" - we "happy adoptees" have always felt this way...it's everyone else who never knew what to say.....

*Hallmark has a series of on line stories (really good)
*The Dave Thomas foundation is even trying to help with a credit card just for adopted families through Chase Bank. Of couse many of the banks give special Adoption loans already.
*There is a Pro-life license plate program to raise funds to help women who choose to not abort but relinquish their child in adoption.
* Hollywood has come out with a few movies about adoption recently like Bella(A+)and Juno(C).
* More and more companies are providing some monetary help for their adopted parent employees.
* Airlines are providing cheaper fares for those adopted parents going overseas

Any more you can think of? Adoption is at least getting much more good press....maybe more of the foster kids will catch a break too.....I pray this year they find a forever home!

JUNO - over all a C (the end was a B+)

Okay, we saw it; me (an adoptee and amom) and my best friend (a birthmom). I don't know how to react to it actually. Most was done "Hollywood style" but their were elements in it that rang true. It was hard onmy friend, their were things that were hard for her to watch and for me too - but I knew they were not the same things. She laughed at some things when I didn't and vice-a-versa. most of the time I just thought "well, that was crude".

I thought at first I was going to hate the movie, when it started I realized this was not going to be a true and serious story about what this girl was going through. She was 16 and had it all wrapped up...she was witty, mature and unemotional about the whole thing. I wasn't sure I even liked her. I felt sorry for her, not because she was pregnant but because of her family, her friends and her environment.

But, it sort of sneaks up on ya---about a third or more of the way through....you start thinking...."hmmm, maybe she's just acting tough". By the last fourth you have a decision to make - is it a good movie or not? Do you really care about what happens or not? Will you hate this movie or not? And I actually sarted to like it a little better---I wanted whoever did the last bit of the movie to go back and do the rest of it over again.

I was thinking the whole time it was a Cor C-
But, by the end I thought it was a B- or B

In the end I don't think it's done anything to persuade adoptions or dissuade girls from relinquishing...it was just a story about this girl, her situation and nothing more.

These Women are Strong

I have been a constant bother on the Ovarian Cancer Forum asking question after questian and let me tell you - these women are AMAZING! Many of them are survivors of stage IV, many of them are in the midst of it all .... they have re-occurances and are currently on chemo - sometimes for the fourth and fifth time. These are women of all ages - some early twenties and it goes all the way up into the 70s. They are all strong women who are, even in the middle of all of it, helping others. Cancer is a horrible disease but ovarian cancer sneaks up on people and you usually have a stage III or IV by the time you start showing any symptoms they can identify.

My momma may be 74 but she is one strong woman. She is determined to lick this....kick it in it's butt. I want her to be right, she has to be right. I don't know what I would do without her. She's not herself right now and I want my momma back.

Thank you everyone for all the prayers and well wishes. This has been such a blow to all of us but my momma is tough. She made it through the surgery and she is going to barrel through chemo like a bull. I think we are all a little scared about the future but nothing will stop the fight..... please take a few seconds when you read this and say a little prayer...it is SO appreciated!!!

It's all relative

I know there are bloggers who are pleased with themselves when they make another blogger cry, cringe, hurt or cry by talking about their lives and the decisions they have made. There are those who are unhappy with their adopted parents....they didn't give enough, they didn't listen enough, they just weren't good enough.

Everything pales when a tragedy strikes. I can't argue with you about how you feel about being adopted because I don't know what it's like to have bad parents. I have the best. I have parents who never went out to dinner, didn't spend money on trips or fancy things so they could pay for their children to go to college and graduate school. They are parents who now want to be a big part of their grandchildren's lives, and get to know them.

Last week my mom wasn't feeling well and went to get a CT scan. This week she's recovering from a 6 hour surgery that may/may not have saved her life. "Stage IV", "couldn't get it all", "the chemo should help" are just snippets of things I heard after the surgery.
We are very optimistic....she's tough. We are taking one day at a time.

The thing is....she is my mother and I am scared to death. It makes NO difference about blood ties...none. It may sound a bit harsh but I wouldn't feel like this if it was my biological mother. Of course it would be sad, just like if it were my neighbor or a distant cousin I met when I was younger. But my heart would not feel quite this heavy and my mind so troubled.

Say a prayer for her if you will, Barb is her name (God will know who). It couldn't hurt to have a few more.

The Gift

Just watched this movie on the Hallmark channel - wow. Talk about a message for adoptees and birthmoms....beautiful.
Click HERE for the link

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 6

"God does not want infertile people to be parents, it is a punishment....."

This one makes me laugh and I see a cartoon picture of the anti-adoption people on one side of the playground saying "nana, nana boo boo.....God just wants to punish you...." bullies.....

This is just like saying AIDS is a punishment. AIDS is a result of sin.... But there are people that have AIDS who have not sinned. Healthcare workers, People who have had transfusions, hemophiliacs, children born with AIDS because their mother had it....so other people's sin affect others. This is not a punishment because they were bad....

Cancer is a result of sin....but not the sin of the people who have the cancer. It's many, many years of abuse of the body, the foods we eat, the chemicals we have used, the contaminants on our food and in the air, etc....it's all sin.
If someone has cancer are THEY being punished?

Infertility can be the result of many years of abuse from previous generations as well ......chemicals on our foods, medications and environmental contaminants have affected our bodies, our DNA and our fertility. It is the result of other people's sin.....sometimes the sin and abuse of our own bodies (being overweight, on drugs, previous abortions, chronic illness).

Again, this is not a punishment, I don't take it personally. They have never found a reason...the Doc says I should be able to get pregnant.

I now know why I never did....J wouldn't be a part of us then....say what you will, but there is a divine plan. There are just too many things that went absolutely right.....and they keep stacking up...... The odds are staggering. If this is punishment.....keep it coming!!

None are So Blind as Those Who Will Not See
Part 5

"I am who I am because I was adopted"....

Phooey - I say to that. You are who you are because you choose to be that way. I know there are some genetics that are passed on from your DNA. The way you look, how tall you are, your taste buds and smell etc......but much of your personality, many of your mannerisms, a lot of your attitude is passed on by who raises you and your environment.

You can boo hoo all you want and be miserable and blame adoption....but you really have to blame those things on not adoption itself but who adopted you, your relatives, your friends you chose. And much of people's bad attitudes can be turned around. Instead of living in the past....they should look to the future and what they can accomplish. What's done is done and it cannot be reversed. What is the point of dwelling in it, wallowing in it?
Be positive, fight for change but I cannot stand the depressing rhetoric over and over.....give it a rest.

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part 4

Some say that abortion is better than adoption.

Okay....this may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Let's take the life of a child so a birthmother doesn't have to live with the guilt. It's better to rip the arms and legs off a living human unborn child than have the child live with the knowledge that they are adopted. Suck up parts of that child and throw them into the trash so adoption agencies don't make too much money.....yea, you're all right.....better get rid of that life, who would want to give a child a chance for life?

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Part Three

God Doesn't Believe in Adoption

This, I think, May be the funniest of them all. The notion that God doesn't like adoption is one that is actually out there and believed by this odd fringe of anti-adoption people. I guess it makes them feel better? I guess God would rather have children aborted? Dead?

I could go on and on - they have an excuse about Moses being only a "foster child" (chuckle) and they will quote you Deuteronomy -- you should not "covet" anything of your neighbors....(that's about lusting after your neighbors wife and wanting his possessions)....there is nothing said about children - children were not really looked upon like that until they were a little older - so many children died young. People were supposed to take "care" of widows and orphans. If you are abandoned by your parents are you an orphan? If you don;t have parents that take care of you....as a child you cannot take care of yourself....I call that an "orphan".

So we are all bad non-Christians for adopting...it's all very funny to me....

None Are So Blind As Those Who Will Not See
Part 2

Guatemalan Babies Adopted

There are those who are convinced that babies in Guatemala are "bought" . Well, let's take a look at this shall we?

If they knew anything about the culture, there is stigma for a single woman to have a child. Their culture does dictate how things are done (just like most countries). As much as we would like to "enlighten" them, they are slow to change and hang on to their tradition and customs. The women who are expecting are afraid to keep the child and will stay at a maternity home until they have the child or they will have the child and drop him/her off at the home. So, these children are without families.....

People go to Guatemala to adopt these children and yes, the government may take a lot of money, the police may take bribes but it doesn't change the fact these kids still need homes because the mothers will not take them home....as hard as it may be for them. The mothers don't get any money, they don't get anything but the heartache.

So if anyone needs to be chastised it's the Guatemalan Government and officials, not the adopted parents.

None are So Blind as Those That Will Not See
Part 1

I was reading a blog recently that was written by a woman who is claiming that babies that are adopted and that have colic...do not have colic at all, they are crying for their birthmothers.

Well, if they look beyond the nose on their face and think about that.... it is preposterous.
How do you explain all the babies that are not relinquished with colic and all the babies who are adopted who do not? There are a lot of babies with colic....plain and simple. My daughter only cried when she was hungry or tired. She never went on and on (oh how I felt sorry for friends with colicky babies) . If what they say is true... why didn't she grieve? Did SHE not miss her birthmother?

Please......colic is grief? that is really reaching.
I think those who believe that need to get a grip on reality....they want to believe these things...they have convinced themselves it's true. They also need to read about the development of the brain and what babies can really grasp....
Come on.....

Thankful

I am thankful, of course, for my life with my family. My awesome daughter and husband and all our families being wonderful.

I am thankful I am in a Christian family of people who love and care about us.

There are many things I could write about - because there are so many things I am very thankful for in life......but I want to say I am thankful I am an American, I am happily adopted and I am thankful for all the adoption officials out there who care about the birthparents out there and care about how they feel and what happens to them. A few of our social workers have had birthmoms to their house for the holiday because they have no where else to be.

I am thankful for my daughter's birthparents, their awesome hearts and I'm so thankful they have each other (they are getting married!)

Celebrities doing something good??

Brad and Angelina actually has changed the way people see adoption. As much as I don't like the hype of celebrity lives I can't help but be thankful for the press for shining a big light on the Pitt and Jolie adoptions. Even Madonna who has had some controversy with her adoption has brought it to the forefront and I'm glad.

The press used to report a celebrity, their child and their "adopted child" were out at a store etc. Now it's just "their children"....I'm so glad this is changing.

Here's a bit from one article:

"Pitt went from single guy to father of four in less than two years -- and seems to relish every moment. Who hasn't melted over the adorable photos of Pitt carrying a baby bottle in his back pocket, or dropping the kids off at school? The question is, will Brad and Angie have more biological children? That gene pool seems too good to waste."

So even though they mention "biological" children, they are just talking about "their children", "the kids"...it's much more casual, less strained..... this is normal life.

Adoption can be WONDERFUL!

I know there are some bad placements....I know there are some bad agencies and I know there are bad people. But, for the most part..... adoption works. It can be a wonderful thing. It's never easy on the birthmother but I know many birthmothers who have found peace. Every adoptee I know has had a great life and is happy and well adjusted. The naysayers can say all they want but the few that are unhappy are not the norm.....it is sad that they are so upset but I pray that they find peace.

Adoption has been part of my life since birth and has been part of my daughter's life since her birth but it does NOT define us....is not a major part of our days and lives. We live love, we live happy....I wish all families could be this happy!

Adoption

A friend and I were discussing adoption this weekend. It's funny that I totally don't even think about my sweety not being biologically ours. She is so much a part of us that there is no distinction. It always throws me off when someone mentions it, it takes me a few seconds to say to myself "oh yea, she IS adopted". She was talking about a recent miscarriage and how even with one biological child, they really have thought about adoption. But, just like most men (and some women), her husband questions if he could love "another person's child". My husband had to confess to me he thought that but knew that I had a great life and there was no distinction between my brothers and I. There are many people out there not touched by adoption at all. I feel like I can be that shining beacon of reassurance for these people---to let them know - YES, you will love that child beyond your imagination! When they placed that baby in our arms my husband said every grain of doubt fell away instantly and she was ours - love at first sight (just knowing about her and seeing her picture did it- ours forever). It's amazing to me the love you can have for any child - biological or not - it's a real eye opener as far as the love God must have for us.....

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom-
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom –I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

Adoption Month at Hallmark

To celebrate adoption month Hallmark has a series of adoption shows that are just awesome.....watch them on line: but make sure and come back and tell me how much you like them...they are done so well!
http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/publish/consumer/home/shows/adoption.html

I haven't gotten around to it but....

HAPPY ADOPTION MONTH!

I'm sure that there are the naysayers that will poo poo all the efforts of this NATIONAL month of adoption......but phooey on them!

I pray all of you waiting get a match soon
I hope all who have adopted are happy and healthy
I want all who have relinquished a child to adoption to find peace

All who are touched by adoption....God bless you, keep you honest, fair and loving and continuing to help families grow through adoption.

The Longest Two Weeks of My Life!

I just got out of the hospital. I was sick all last week. I had a temperature ever day and was generally feeling miserable. Friday I finally went to the ER and was admitted, for what they said then, five days. I was so out of it on Friday but I remember thinking five days seemed bad - that meant I was really sick. I had elevated liver enzymes, low platelet counts, a stiff neck, swollen glands, a rash all over, red lips and my eyeballs hurt when I loved them. I knew this was not good.
Well, I had a reaction to such a high dose of the antibiotics...who knew the thing that was supposed to make you well could make you so sick! On top of it all I had a virus that make my eyeballs hurts, the lymph glands swell, my neck hurt and my lips get really red.....weird.

Through it all my taste is still all messed up but that I can handle.

MRSA

You hear about it on TV, you shake your head and think "why didn't they get to a doctor sooner?". Like other fatal illnesses, disasters, diseases you have not been a part of, you have no idea. I thought I had an ingrown hair, a little knot under my arm....I thought it would just go away. When I had two, I thought it was strange but still thought it would just go away. When I had three then four I called my OB (really my SIL who works there). Before I knew it I had an appointment to see a surgeon and before I could see him I had ten knots of different sizes and all hurt like a big dog! Staph, MRSA.... how easily it could be overlooked, disregarded....denial? Should we start to freak at every pimple? I know I will now. They had to take pugs out of my arm pit, some a quarter size and 1/2 inch deep - ouch. I'm healing but I am never shaving my arm pits again!

Lucky

I really don't believe in luck as far as life goes. You are lucky if you sit down at a slot machine that is ready to hit the big jackpot. And you are lucky when you choose the right number to play at Roulette. But as far as luck goes....we make our own choices, sure....but I do believe the hand of God is in the mix of things. Sure, things don't always go right...that's for a reason. And, yes, there are BAD things that happen...unfortunately, there will be those things and we must learn from those too.

We use the word "lucky" very loosely. I say I feel lucky to have our daughter with us. I feel blessed, grateful to God and to her birthparents......lucky doesn't even cover it.
I say I feel lucky to have a great husband but I know that was not a fluke, a divine plan was in action just like with baby J and even the timing of it all.
So when I say, "I'm just lucky" i guess what I'm really saying is I am having a great life...God is blessing me, even in the bad times.

LARABAR

About two years ago I wrote a post about LARABAR. Someone from the company is progressive and on the blogger scene and saw my post. They sent me a few bars and a t-shirt and I have been so hooked ever since. They sell them at Trader Joe's and every time I wear my shirt someone says "hey, I get those at Trader Joe's!" - or someone asks me what they are.....great marketing tool!

The thing I like about them - they are simple and healthy. Most only have three ingredients...they have no fillers or preservatives. On top of everything else.....they are delicious. If you haven't tried them, you should.....You can check out their website HERE

If You Were Mine

My husband is learning a song. I heard him singing and playing downstairs but I started to listen and I could not help but cry....I secretly listened and then went down with tears in my eyes and asked if he wrote it. He said he found it on a CD by Fernando Ortega and thought it was beautiful. All I could think was it could be for biomoms, moms-in-waiting, or moms of babies on heaven. If you fit in one of these catagories go get a few Kleenex, hit the play button ---sit back, close your eyes and just listen to the words. If you are not in the categories you better get some kleenex too.

The Mountains

Got back from the mountains last week, this was the view from a
tram up one side of a mountain to a ski resort.

Al Gore? A Mockery of the Nobel Prize

I don't know if people generally know this but the Nobel Prize was started by Mr. Alfred Nobel who invented dynamite. One premature obituary of his own death called him the "The merchant of death" He was devastated that the thing he invented could be used for such harm so when he died he left a 31 million dollar endowment to give awards to people (regardless of nationality) that help humanity.

Well-----The Nobel Peace Prize has
been awarded to AL GORE and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Control
Good God, is this all the could come up with this year???

This "Academy Award winning Film" (gag me) contains quite a few fabrications and a man in England did not want the public school kids watching it and believing it was the truth. He took it to the highest court and won. It was confirmed that there are 11 "inconsistencies" in the film and it was decided by the court the film must have a disclaimer that says there are these "inconsistencies".
Read the things that are untrue HERE.

These are not small things...they are major points in his "documentary".....for example:

The film suggests that sea levels could rise by 7m causing the displacement of millions of people. In fact the evidence is that sea levels are expected to rise by about 40cm over the next hundred years and that there is no such threat of massive migration.

Most of the statements are all to prove his point of global warming....and are made up/false/fabricated.

Why don't we here this on the major news?? GUESS

Al Gore? A Mockery of the Nobel Prize

I don't know if people generally know this but the Nobel Prize was started by Mr. Alfred Nobel who invented dynamite. He was devastated that the thing he invented could be used for such harm that when he died he left a nine million dollar endowment to give awards to people that

The Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to former Vice President Al Gore and the Intergovernmental Panel
on Climate Change -------- Good God, is this the best they can come up with?

In England a man fought to the highest court so that Al Gore's movie "An Inconvenient Truth" could not be
shown  to children, in schools, without a disclaimer - WHY?  Because there are 11 inconsistencies in the
movie read about them
HERE.

These are not small things...they are major points in his "documentary".....for example:

Celebrity Spokesman of the Year

The National Council For Adoption (NCFA), a leading adoption advocacy organization, has named award-winning country music star Rodney Atkins as its 2007-2008 National Celebrity Spokesperson of the Year

Rodney was adopted by three sets of parents....two brought him back because he was "too sick to handle" but his parents that brought him home to stay would not give up on him read the story here.

"Since 1980, NCFA has been the leading voice among national adoption and child welfare organizations. NCFA is a research, education and advocacy nonprofit organization that promotes ethical adoption practices, informs public policy and opinion about adoption issues, and serves as a resource for women with unplanned pregnancies, adopted persons and their families, those seeking to adopt and adoption professionals"

My Immortal

This is a song by Evanescence but I really like this girl's voice and how she does it better (ignore the cat trying to get the "lime light". This song made me think of KimKim for some reason and when I thought more about that - for all the biomoms out there.... it's a sad song about that person always being "with" them....

Congrats!!

On October 4th the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute will hold their annual Angels in Adoption gala, where several people will be honored with the Angels in Adoption Reward.

Patti Labelle
Alonzo Mourning
Marcus Samuelsson

Thankful

I am thankful for life

For my awesome parents who encouraged me to be me

For my Christian upbringing that makes me feel whole and complete and in the will of God

For the sweetest little girl God could have ever given us

For a husband who loves and understands me and adores our little girl

I am thankful to God for a wonderful family, life, home, health and an overwhelming joy!!!

Sending pictures

I was mentioning to someone I was sending some pictures and I'm working on a DVD with a fun slide show for J's biomom and the girls shocked me when she said "do you think you should really do that?, Do you really want to be so involved with her?" I was shocked. This girl knows I'm adopted too....why is it so scary for people to send pictures?

AND>>>>>HOOOORAY for Becky who is bringing home little Julia next week. I'm so happy for her, she has suffered seven miscarriages and got to be in the delivery room with Julia's biomom....how special is that? Congrats to her, hubby and baby!

November 17th National Adoption Day 2007

Plan to celebrate National Adoption Day at many of the events in the area where you live. Some local libraries are having readings....some, I have read, are reading "Forever Fingerprints". Even the President has written a proclamation for National Adoption Month, encouraging caring people to adopt children (including children in foster care). He mentioned www.adoptuskids.org .

Juno- an Adoption Movie

I will have to see this for myself, either it's light hearted and will have a good ending or it's all about making fun of birthmothers and adopted parents....

BUSY BUSY

I feel like I don't have anytime to do anything anymore! I have been so busy taking people on trips and having big gala affairs that I have not been able to do anything much less post anything or have time to think about what to post.
-I took 75 people three hours on two old buses to "the Lake" and we got on a big, beautiful yacht and had a tour of all the big beautiful mansions as we ate a lovely lunch.
-I put on a big dance at the Hilton Ballroom with 350 people, an eighteen piece orchestra and $2000 worth of prizes given away (people are selfish pigs by the way with buffet food)
-I am organizing an Ice cream social for 200 people for next week
-My In-laws came and I had to clean my house and make dinner for them, and my SIL and her family
-I took 40 bingo players and hour away to a smoky bingo hall to play 4 hours to win $100 jackpots....I HATE bingo
-I had a dog with diarrhea for three days who destroyed my carpet downstairs every time we left. So, I went through 3 rolls of paper towels and two bottles of Spot Shot and then steam cleaned the carpets when she was well.
-I have to smell everyone with perfume that smells like vomit and coffee that smells like death
-and much much more - boy, I have a head ache just from writing it all down!

In the middle of all of it I have to hear about Hillary Clinton and all her idiotic ideas, listen to Nancy "freak" Palozi and all her loser cronies talk about war (yeah, they think they know a lot about war and foreign policy) . They refuse to listen to people who have actually studied about and understand war and tactics...... boy I am just so grumpy. If Hillary does happen to win, because people are stupid enough to listen the media instead of the people who know what is what, I will be forced to move somewhere - God knows where because Europe (as beautiful as it is) has Universal Health care and everyone knows it hasn't worked for them (or Canada) so trying to find somewhere that is a great place to live (which the US is now until we have to get away from Hillary's version of the country) won't be easy.


LIBRALS ---- PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT TERRORISM CAN DO!
http://attacked911.tripod.com

okay....rambling over....

The Note

Oh my goodness, my daughters biodad is the sweetest thing. He wrote a note, ...he did. He talked about how much he missed his other two kids growing up (they are still young) because he worked too much and now they are number one...
He said J was so beautiful and how happy we always look in the pictures that they love getting. He also said even though he is NOT an emotional person he still cries when he looks at those pictures. He's going to ask J's biomom to marry him this year (she doesn't know that) and he said he got another job so he could be with his family more. He ended with "give her a kiss for me and for N, we both really miss her".

It broke my heart but made me so happy to know how much J is loved and she came from such sweet people. One day I will be so proud to let her read those letters....

I Remember

To the memory of all those lost this day six years ago...You will NOT be forgotten

A Letter

My agency invited me to speak at an adoption conference about our domestic adoption. Unfortunately, I'll be on vacation but when I e-mailed her back I asked about J's bioparents.
They e-mailed me back saying they just mailed off a letter that the biodad had dropped by the office. She said it was a very sweet letter and they love getting all the pics of J....I'm so excited to go home today and get the letter!

S*x Has a Price Tag

Pan Stenzel is an adoptee whose fifteen year old biomom was r*ped and place her for adoption in 1964. She is the oldest of 8 children… 7 adopted…1 biological, and her extended family includes 38 adopted children in all. With her degree in Psychology, she began work, right out of college with young girls who were planning to place her child up for adoption.

"After being approached by a group of concerned parents, she was asked to develop a two-hour program for the Rally for Life 1992. The rally was about s*xual abstinence. She developed the program by mixing media and music, her own talk, and the testimonies of young girls. The response of students, parents and the community was so overwhelming that Pam began to get numerous requests to speak all over the Midwest."

In 1993 a video of her presentation was made and it took off. She got so many requests for engagements that she went on a speaking circuit full time. Read more of her story HERE.

I heard her in an interview and she is funny, warm and a wonderful Christian woman who understands the heart of an adoptee. She believes she was something beautiful that came out of something bad and she wants to someday meet her biomom to thank her for choosing life.

Adoptees should know

John A Lepper, a Representative from Massachusetts, drew up an amendment to open birth certificates for adoptees born before 1974. It passed but was vetoed later....at least it's a start.

They did consider that women after 1974 thought their identity would be kept a secret ....huh? My biomom in the 60s was told it would always be a closed adoption - that no one could open the records..... I do think the adoptee should be over 18 when they get a bc or identifying info....but that's nuts.... no wonder it was vetoed ---they need to word this better.

Arthur Premiers 11th Season...
Including and Adoption Themed Episode

This coming Friday will be a big day for Binky Barnes, one of Arthur's good buddies. His family is adopting a baby girl from China and the special two-part episode is set to air September 7th on PBS (check your local listing for show times). I was able to get a sneak peak of this episode, Big Brother Binky. I must say that I'm impressed with the way the topic of adoption was handled which isn't a surprise as Arthur is an Emmy-Award winning children's program.

For those of you not in the know, Arthur is an eight-year-old aardvark. He and his friends have been learning and growing together for 10 years on PBS and are back for their eleventh season on PBS KIDS GO!. PBS KIDS GO!, which provides educational, non-commercial entertainment for early elementary school kids, will kick off its fall 2007 season September 3 though 7.

I feel that this episode of Arthur was very well thought out and researched. Many adoption experts were interviewed including Adam Pertman, the executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, who consulted with the creators throughout the project.

From creator Marc Brown,

"What the series does best is reflect the lives of kids in an authentic and fun way that resonates with both viewers and their parents. Because adoption is so important to so many families, we thought it was a great opportunity for ARTHUR to explore this subject."

I couldn't agree more, this is one you don't want to miss.

Image of Binky's baby sister. Mei Lin © WGBH/Cookie Jar Entertainment 2007

Important....or not

__________________________________________________

GEN-E-AL'O-GY, n. [L.genealogia; Eng. kind] 1. An account or history of the descent of a person or family from an ancestor; enumeration of ancestors and their children in the natural order of succession. 2. Pedigree; lineage; regular descent of a family from a progenitor. -Webster's American Dictionary, 2nd ed., Chicago: G.W.Ogilvie Co., 1890, p.497.

__________________________________________________

Genealogy has its roots in the earliest forms of society. Initially, genealogy was most likely used to avoid consanguinity, or marrying blood relatives. Early societies, as well as some surviving today, used genealogical methods to trace their ancestries back to gods, animal totems, or legendary heroes. Lineage was traditionally passed down orally, in the form of oral histories or narratives of a clan or tribe. These often were lists of names or stories of important events. Kings and heads of state in ancient Sumeria, Babylon, Egypt, India and China used genealogy to trace their rights to the throne, a practice that continues today. The Old Testament contains genealogies tracing lineage back to Adam, Abraham, and Noah, just as Muslim genealogies help to link descent to Mohammed, and the ancient Greeks and Romans endeavored to link their ancestry to gods.

During the Middle Ages, monks began to record regal pedigrees. As property became involved, genealogy became closely tied with rank and the inheritance of wealth and land, tax collection, and lawsuits. Also during this period, as serfdom gave way to villenage, it became important to record the descent of more of the common people. This practice increased in the 1500s, with the rise of mercantilism and the middle classes and the emphasis on individual religion generated by the Reformation.

The history of genealogy records a regrettable episode when family research became a State mandate. Under the leadership of Hitler and the Third Reich, German citizens were forced to prove their Aryan origins. Family heritage had to be traced back 4 to generations. Without this documentation, citizens could not receive working papers and they could be subject to imprisonment. The pedigree was called the Ahnenspass.

One website states: The study of genealogy can help people to better understand their heritage, can strengthen family ties, and may, in some cases, help to reduce racism by demonstrating common ancestry.

Many angry adoptees complain that they had their "heritage stolen from them". The importance of studying your past in this day and age is not to prove a royal lineage or prove you're origins to a dictator but it is to see where you have come from so you can know what your family did to get where they are.

So what has been stolen? Just the fact that a great grandmother may have come from Russia and your great great grandfather was a Polish Jew?
How does that change who you are? How does it affect who you are with your family? Will you now learn Russian or read the Talmud?

I found out I had some French in me... (i can't stand the French, so it was quite a shock and a shame actually... lol). It's interesting to know, however, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be curious....but why is it SUCH a major point with them? I would really like to know what they think they are missing out on....

Adoption 101: Why is Adoption So Expensive?

Found this post on the adoption blog site...I thought it is valuable to those adopting, questioning adoption or even against adoption...to know the reason it's so expensive.

Why is adoption so expensive? That is the million-dollar question. Some people will say it is because adoption professionals are making money off adoptions. However, many agencies are not-for-profit and seemingly have no reason to “rip off” hopeful adoptive parents. For example, I truly believe that Catholic Social Services is seeking to do what they believe is best for the child as part of a ministry for the Catholic Church.

However, even a not-for-profit adoption agency is incredibly expensive. Our agency, which is not-for-profit, had a base cost of $11,000 back in 2000, not counting any payments for the expecting mother (such as medical bills, food, or housing). If nobody is profiting and the expecting mother is not being “bribed,” then why does adoption cost so much money?

Here are some of the expenses that contribute to the cost:

• Advertising adoption services to expecting mothers and hopeful adoptive parents
• Rent, utilities, etc.
• Salaries of social workers and other office staff
• Literature for expecting mothers and hopeful adoptive parents

Does this add up to $11,000+ per adoption? It is hard to say from the outside, although I am sure the agency would assure us that they are not making a profit.

Our agency had additional expenditures that may or may not be included in other agencies' services:

• Expenditures paid toward anticipated adoptions in which the expecting mother ultimately chose to parent
• Facilitating communication between the birthmother and the adoptive family both before and after the adoption
• Hiring an adoption attorney for contested adoptions (such as a birthfather contesting an adoption at the 11th hour)
• Lifetime counseling for birthmothers who place through the agency
• Parenting classes for expecting mothers who choose to parent
• Private investigator fees to locate birthfamily or adult adoptee

Our agency provides all of these services free of charge, so somebody has to pay for them. The agency passes these expenses along to the adoptive parents as part of the adoption fee.

Knowing that our agency provides these additional services helped me to feel better about the adoption fee. However, many adoption agencies do not offer these services. For those who do not, I have no explanation for why the cost of adoption is so high.

As for international adoptions, you have two agencies that are charging for their services. You also have another country that might be using part of the fee to subsidize its orphanages or foster care system. A portion of the fee is going to be out of the hands of the domestic agency.

Back to Memory

Previous posts and comments have got me thinking again about memory and I've looked up more research on the subject.

Found a great abstract by Rachael Collie and Harlene Hayne at the Psychology Department of the University of Otago..Dunedin, New Zealand.

Some of the things that stuck out to me:

Over the past 20 years, an increasing number of researchers have argued that memory is not a unitary process, but rather is comprised of two or more neural systems that serve different functions and operate according to different principles (for recent reviews, see Eichenbaum, 1997; Schacter & Tulving, 1994; Squire, 1992a, 1992b)

This explains why the memory is not intact at birth because even though some of the memory is mature, not all is in place to form an explicit memory.

It has been argued that the memory skills of human infants are initially restricted to procedural memory but that by approximately 8 to 9 months of age the declarative memory system matures (Nadel & Zola-Morgan, 1984; Nelson, 1995; Schacter & Moscovitch, 1984).

It comes down to this.... Until 6-9 months of age (there is some argument between these ages) there is not the ability to have explicit memory... a memory of a face, smell, words.... There is a familiarization about the soothing nature of the mother's voice, smell ....but not a real, solid memory.

Declarative memory (which is fact storing) emerges at approximately8–9 months of age (Nelson, 1995).
Recent research, however, has yielded evidence of deferred imitation by 6-month-olds after the
same delay (Barr, Dowden, & Hayne, 1996)

Here is another study from New Zealand

This stuff fascinates me...

There's another one Here

I think this is the way many people feel....a very powerful drama!

Legalized Gaurdianship.... There is a place

In 2002 there were 532,000 kids in Foster Care and only 126,000 able to be adopted. Explain that to me.....what is the mindset of some of these parents who will NEVER be able to take on the responsibilities of a parent? Has anyone thought about what's best for these kids?

There are some grandparents or family members that want to establish legalized guardianship instead of adoption, they want to recognize that the child is still the parent's but they are just taking care of them.....I understand that....there is a place for it.

However, a comment from Kelly on a previous post suggests there should be no more adoption but legal guardianship. The problem with that is....the child deserves more than that....having just "legal guardianship" is really having no real family. What is the point? It's telling this child no one really feels you are a part of a family....they are left in a limbo which can be psychologically damaging, as many studies have shown. Foster kids feel this way, not really ever a true part of a family.

Adoption makes kids a permanent part of a family...the name and all that goes with that name.

I am proud to be a part of my family...a real family member, no one has ever distinguished me from my siblings....there was never a "name" to distinguish me as different.

We need to start thinking about the kids....and what's best for them...