Lunch

My Bio-sis e-mailed today and asked if we could all go to lunch. She's very sweet. The blond-blond straight haired fair girl who is a bellydancer. She's quite good and is sought after for parties because she doesn't "fit the mold". I had her come dance for a group and she was great - she has tried to convince me I must have it in me to dance like that but I disagree...it is a ....gift? talent? that you have and must cultivate ---- i do NOT have it.

To Prospective Adopted Parents:
A Stereotypical Pile

A poster used these two words and I loved them. If you are new to adoption or wanting to adopt please know that adoptees DO NOT like to be thrown into a "stereotypical pile". I am an adoptee and fortunately have had a great life but I am also an adopted parent and am concerned about my own daughter not feeling negatively about adoption.

There are hundreds of thousands of adoptees who are happy and leading productive lives. Adoption has not had a negative affect on them and they don't think much about the whole thing.

You will find that there is a higher percentage of negative adoptee blogs out here in bloggland because there are those that feel their lives were negatively affected by adoption. There aren't many happy adoptees who feel the need to blog or journal. It's unfortunate that there are some who have had a bad life, whether it is due to adoption or in spite of it.

All you can do is make sure that as adopted parents you adopt through reputable agencies and make sure that the biological mothers are offered counseling and treated well. Think twice before choosing a closed adoption for the sake of your child. At least a semi-open adoption will give the opportunity for information and a possible reunion when the child is an adult, if they wish it.

There are many different opinions but don't let the negativity change your mind. Adoption is a wonderful way to have a family...there are woman deciding to place their child and walking into agencies. We, as adopted parents walk in and apply and these women are showed profiles. They are deciding. They are being offered the opportunity to decide. It IS bittersweet but these women want what's best for the child they will have and your job is to be the best parents you can be.

I have a unique perspective because I an adoptee who adopted. I feel like I'm being a great mom just like my mom and dad were.....

Leave comments or e-mail me if you have any questions.

Memorable Memorial

Last year memorial day was the day we met J. I got "the call" on the Friday before, at work....I cried and my asissantant thought my dad must have died. I was so bulldozed and happy and scared to death. It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to us!

This girl was already a socialite - down at "the lake" for the weekend, so we had to wait until the foster parents came home. Memorial day will always be a very memorable day for us....the day we first met.

We love you J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Beautiful Garden

I read in another blog that "Adoptees are like rootless trees, trying to survive on foreign roots in foreign soil."

I thought that was strange. I think Adoptees are like trees that are up-rooted and re-planted. That makes more sense. The trees do well if re-planted in a good fertile soil and if uprooted and re-planted too many times (like some foster care kids) they could do poorly and not grow well. There are many different comparisons you could make. I'm sorry for those adoptees who got the crappy soil and did not flourish. Thankfully there are SO many trees that are flourishing and bearing much fruit!

So Many

There are many differences in the types of adoptions.

First there are private adoptions, agency adoptions and state (foster) adoptions.

When it comes to agency or private adoptions I am most leery of private adoptions. I know there are some unscrupulous agencies out there but there are too many opportunities for private adoptions to be coercive or manipulative. People are deperate...I'll give you that. They want to have a child. I was at the point of wanting to stand outside an abotion clinic with a sign..."I'll adopt your baby". Anyone who has gone through years of infertility knows how it feels. But putting your name and profile on the internet or in the paper is risky business. Not only are you putting yourself out there to be "snookered", but if someone legitimate does contact you....how are they being treated by the lawyers? I know it can and does work but there are too many cracks in that system.

There are international and domestic adoptions.

This is a matter of choice and what God is leading a family to do. International adoptions are a little scary because some of the governments can change the program right in the middle of the process. Some governements even will get parents over there and then require more money "like bribery" and of course there is no legal sytem to stop them. The governemnts also require the children to be a certain age before leavin ghte country. This means that some little children have to suffer even longer in over-crowded orphanges before they can go home with their new families.
Domestic adoptions have different racial groups that are available for adoption. This is also a choice and a decision that requires much prayer. It seems that people really just have a desire to do a particular type of adoption. We thought about Russian adoption but it just never felt like we were supposed to pursue it, doors just stayed closed. Domestic adoptions can be infants or older children through the foster care system. We chose domestic infant adoption and everything went like clock-work...like it was meant to be. We only waited three months for a biomom to choose us (which is almost unheard of).

Then there are closed, semi-open and open adoptions within the above categories.

Closed adoptions should rarely be allowed in todays society. There are some that would need it to be closed but there is too high of percentage of this still going on. If women placed their child with the idea it was closed....they need to be the ones to decide to open the records. But too many want the records open now. My friend J does NOT want his biomom to find him - he's in his 40s and won't even talk about it....closed through Catholic Charities...he will get his wish.

We had chosen semi-open and then the biomom that looked at our profile felt the same way. She really wanted a closed adoption at first but the agency talked her into semi-open so she looked at our profile. We fingured we could send her updates and eventually we could find out names and have them meet if they both wanted to. I actually know her last name....the lawyer did not cover it up in one legal paper. I'm glad I know.

There are people who can do the open adoption but both the biomom and the aparents have to be able to handle it all. We went to a adoption seminar and there was an adopted mom and birthmom in an open adoption. They spoke about the whole thing and it was an awesome relationship. I talked to them afterwards and they both said the first two years were VERY hard and the biomom was very demanding and difficult. She had grown up a bit and now they have the great relationship we saw.


So how do I feel?
There needs to be semi-open adoptions with the records being open as the child reaches 18 -all medical records revieled. Neither party has to want a reunion but records should at least be available.

Smudged

Trying to understand people, someone e-mailed me about the string of people who seem to be "angry adoptees"..... one thing stuck out........

"Seeing everything in life that is negative through adoptee glasses...."

This doesn't take away what anyone has been through...but it explains a lot in this negative blog world.

I think it hits the nail right on the head.

In the Beginning

I started this blog just before Christmas 2005. I began because another blog that i listed personal pictures and family info had been invaded by some girls from my IF group - who were also involved with the same agency we had. Even though It was anonymous, as far as where we live and specific names,...I felt invaded when I found out some of these girls had been telling my agency that I was listing information that was "too personal". Get a LIFE...really. An anonymous blog that no one knows about except prying IFers (where they got the address is beyond me). Mind your own business.

So I maintained a mamby pamby blog of personal pics and family information - all happy go lucky. This blog was totally anonymous (thus, Petunia) and I vowed not to list pictures or any mention of where we live or any other telling clues. I wanted a place to write anything that was on my mind....my first post began:

I am starting this blog so i can really write what i think. It's more for me than anyone.....and i guess anyone else who cares what i think.

I don't really care what anybody thinks about me. I'm the one that has to answer to God and what other people think has no bearing on my eternity.....

We are adopting a baby and i have a blog about that but i don't ever want anyone to read it and have to know about some of the stupid stuff i think. I mean, why bore them and why have a record of it? It may come back to haunt me.

I then talked about things that were on my mind...no holds barred - like "what if my baby is ugly".... something that did cross my mind - not that it matters in the least. Also in January of 2006 I started writing "things I hate" - guess it should have been - "things I dislike"...but anyway, it started as a joke with another friend of mine and we just kept adding. They were "stupid things I thought about"....

I hear a lot of sadness in the things I wrote back then. I hear the sound of my life ticking away and no love to share with a child...that was killing me.... i should have added that to my hate list. As much as I love my husband the love for children was missing..... I covered most my sadness with silliness and laughter....laughter heals so why not?

Anyway, this was never about me being adopted...i never had a need to talk about that or write anything about it...why should I? It really proves a point about why other happy adoptees don't write...they don't feel the need. So.... a documentation of how I was feeling at the time of waiting for adoption of a child.

I was shocked at the amount of whining, sad, angry, political, frivolous and meaningless blogs....but what else are people supposed to write about? I found power in the other parents who were waiting but we were all in the sad category most of the time....we all waited for the "call".

After we got "the call", our lives changed. So did the things I think about. I was afraid, nervous, excited, elated....so many emotions all in one. I'll write about that another day...but the things I wrote here made a change as well.

No longer was it about the wait and silly ideas and stupid ramblings of thought..... it was all important. A documentation of how I felt about the whole thing. On Friday May 26th 2006 I wrote:

WE WERE MATCHED!!!!!

We will be parents in one week! She's already here and ready to be our baby..............More later!!!!

And nothing was the same. And in the months to follow I began to think about how great my own adoption was. How my parents were the best I could have ever wanted. I wanted to be the same kind of parent.... accepting, loving, kind, gentle....etc. I wrote things like this and this
and this. It was all about love....still is. But that's about the same time when people started leaving nasty comments. (most now have been deleted...some by a troubled birthmom who has now sort of fallen off the negative blog scene)...that led to a few more (guess she was spreading the word). So, this blog started being me defending myself for adopting after being adopted. That was futile though, these women were adamant about disliking me because I adopted and I claimed to be a happy adoptee. They have nothing better to do than to be hateful I guess and try to make others like them.

So this blog took on another tone....after I decided I don't have to "explain myself" and make these women see my point of view as valid. My point of view IS valid and I'm probably more pshychologically healthy than most of these women.

So this is My happy adoptee/ happy adopted mom blog and i think the same as the first day I wrote...

I don't really care what anybody thinks about me. I'm the one that has to answer to God and what other people think has no bearing on my eternity.....

When I was Born

When I was born my biological mother held me, fed me and had a day to say goodbye. I wish all adoptees could be so loved and all biomoms could have the opportunity to feel the the way my biomom felt. Maybe that's why I've been happy, I started off in the right way and then had awesome parents who pushed me to be the best I could be...whatever that was.

The Graying of Truth

"Truth is whatever you believe."

"There is no absolute truth."

"If there were such a thing as absolute truth, how could we know what it is?"

"People who believe in absolute truth are dangerous."

You hear these things being said when talking about truth. Oddly enough, those who claim there is no such thing as absolute truth are making daily decisions based on what they think is true and false. We all do it....we turn on a light believing in the truth and the reality of electricity. We drive a car with the truth and certainty that the engine runs on gas, oil, parts, etc. If you were getting brain surgery you would definitely want the doctor's truth to be that he has a medical degree and he can do the work.
These are all truths....there is no gray area.

Steve Turner wrote a parody of this attitude in society about truth:

I believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

The universe will readjust. History will alter.

I believe that there is no absolute truth excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

Why do people run from truth? Mike Yaconelli, an American writer writes:

Because the pain of knowing who we are is so great, we spend a lifetime running from ourselves. We have become experts in dodging, avoiding, hiding, pretending, covering, running, protecting, eluding, escaping, averting, evading the real us. This 'Great Escape' from ourselves is the way most of us have chosen to live our lives, because it is the way of less pain.

There are certain truths that cannot be dulled....there is black and white and people need to start standing up for the absolute truth. Can you imagine the chaos there would be if there were no absolute truths? The law of gravity is a good example.....take a step - it's an absolute truth. If someone says there is no absolute truth ask them if they are absolutelty sure of that.

The problem with the denial of absolute truth is the fact that all humans have limited knowledge. As humans with a limited and finite mind we cannot logically make absolute negative statements. A person cannot logically say "there is no God" because they would have to have absolute knowledge of the entire universe from beginning to end to do so.

If there are no absolute standards then it is just as okay to kill who you do not like as it is not to. Or stealing is just as right as not stealing, cruelty would be equal to kindness. There has to be absolute truths to live our lives.

One person's truth..... it's the idea that is graying down our society......

Famous Adoptees

There are many famous adoptees....
click HERE to watch a short clip.

I didn't know how many awesome adoptees are out there...
Click HERE for another list

Click HERE for another site of famous adoptees

And HERE for still another

It's amazing how many of us turned out all right since
there are people that feel that it ruins everyone's life.

My Bio-1/2 sibs

It's amazing to me how different we are, how utterly different 2 people who I have blood-ties to can be.

I have very dark, coarse, curly hair - they have blond thin straight hair.
I love meat and they are vegetarians
I am a Christian, they are into new age and tarot cards
I am an actress & singer, they are quiet and can't sing a note

they go on and on....no one would ever guess we have 1/2 the same DNA

My cousin

If you have read any of my story you know we have A LOT of adopted people scattered throughout my family for four generations. My cousin was adopted after a biological brother was born. She always knew she was adopted and got along with her family very well. Her a-dad was always aloof with the whole family though - none of us ever really got along with him.

When she was 14 her aunt, who's a nun, was visiting from California (the order had moved her a few years previously). My cousin came to the dinner table and her aunt said (without thinking) "you look so much like your mom". Now in any other sicumbstance it would not hav ebeen a big deal but they all knew she was adopted. My cousin said "what do you mean?"----but the subject was changed....dropped.

After dinner she pressed her aunt what was meant by the comment and it turned out she was a teacher at her biomom's highschool and did some private tutoring in her home before she gave birth. The girl was 14 and was pulled from school as soon as she was "showing".
The aunt knew that her sister and brother in-law were adopting a baby girl and at the same time the 14 year old was telling the aunt that she was happy that the baby was going to a great Catholic family, the mother a stay at home mom and the dad a lawyer. She was shocked when she realized they were all talking about the same baby. No one knew she was related , no-one knew what was involved the way she was. These were supposed to be sealed records....now the cat was out of the bag. The aunt was so afraid that she would spoil the whole thing she kept quiet for years about it all. But now she was seeing how much my cousin looked like her..... both at the 14 year mark.

When my cousins a-mom died she was devistated....they had become friends as well as mom and daughter. She looked up her aunt after a year or two and asked what the girl's name was....she hunted and she found her--she had a family and two other girls. My cousin adopted two boys from Russia. They all met and are now very good friends.

For her the search was easy - for many of us the search is a lot of dead ends....that does need to change.

Life is crummy....everyone has problems. Society, family, friends, relatives and aquaintences can be a disappoinment. Stop blaming adoption or circumstances or anyone....it just happens.

Life happens.

(revised- I'm sorry if this sounds snotty, I've been reading too many anti-adoption blogs this morning and it seems all the adoptees are blaming all their problems with family and life on being adopted.... it just sounds like whining to me...)

Last Mother's day journal entry

I hate mother's day.....well, not really because I love to honor my mother and mother-in-law--but I hate that it's coming and I am still not a mother myself! I have no sweet child to slobber kisses on my face or doodle a sweet little home-made card or try to make me breakfast with daddy. No child to love uncontrollable. These hallmark commercials are killing me....

However, I was reminded at church about trials this Sunday....I hate trials.....but who likes them? I sure there are some misguided oddballs out there who enjoys the hardships but not me. I know they come but please don't say i should enjoy them.....
The title of my post was going to be...

JOY IN THE JOURNEY

see how far I moved from that to hating mother's day? Pretty sad.
We all go through difficult things, Christian or not. It's the joy from within that is our saving grace (literally). God promised we would have joy in the journey not happines or wealth or even security in the worldly things - only in Him. Joy is that "thing" that is deep within that assures us there is hope with Jesus-Not the giggles or the feeling of happiness or the rush of adrenaline. It's difficult to imagine that as a Christian we can have worse trials than if we did not follow Jesus. But rest assured - you probably will. That is the nature of satan and ther result of sin. We WILL have trials. okay - enough telling myself that it's normal.
So what does this mean? well, the journey of faith is not easy---it is tested. But God is faithful and full of grace! We are called to do difficult things. but if waiting for a child is one of the worst and hardest things God will put on us then we are blessed!!
For now I am looking up, looking to the sky and not on my life... I am trusting and I am full of hope. I have joy in my journey............it is a journey that I know will come to an end in an AWESOME destination!

We got the call two weeks later.....

Happy Mother's Day!
To my mom, biomom and ME!!!
And happy mother's day to all new moms!

Tonsils

I had my tonsils out when I was 5. My tonsils gew back...have you ever hear of such a thing?
I now have acute tonsilitis and strep throat....ouch.

It made me start thinking how impressive the body is. Tonisils can grow back and skin "replaces itself". They have found that your liver can be "shared" and some of it can be donated to someone in need of one. It will regenerate itself...amazing.
Stroke victims will lose brain function until (in some cases) it will "re-route" itself and full fuction can come back.

It would be nice if this worked for other things like digits, limbs, bad eye-sight etc. They cut my hubby's uvula out - you don't see that thing growing back do you? Why does the hair on our arms stop growing but the hair on our heads don't?

I know a lady who had cancer on her nose so they took hair from the saide of her face (just in front on the top of her ear) to replace the skin they had to cut off. Did you know they want to be replaced facial skin with other facial skin because it has taken the most sun and weathering? Anyway, the skin has different hair follicles in it and now she has to shave the bridge of her nose- strange.

It's a shame phycholigical things can't be taken care of the same way. Heartbreak has no graph to repair it. The past can't be cut out and re-generated for the better....

My Foster Parent Friend

Yesterday I visited my friend who has had 6 children of her own (2 married and not living with them) and they have fostered over 100 children. She is a trauma nurse and sees the worst cases but always has enjoyed giving these unloved children as much love in the time they are given. They have adopted three children...two of which the judge said in court were "useless, throw aways" (right in front of them). They are the two sweetest boys you could ever know.

The baby she is fostering now was born to a mother of 12. She jmped out of a 2 story window with the baby (for fun) and now the baby has brain damage.
The baby she had at the beginning of the year was dunked into a pot of boiling water by her 15 year old mother because she wouldn't stop crying.

These are two of the many stories we hear from just THIS foster care mother. These poor kids need love, and who will provide it? Some will go back to these mothers who have hurt them...that blows my mind. After three or four times the state urges them to sign off on their parental rights. Are these particular children better off with these mothers?

Where do we draw the line?

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
--- Unknown

Corny but sweet

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

I think fear is the first reason for people to make up stories and cast aspersions. That's okay, maybe people will learn from the stupid things they say. When there is nothing else they can say, they make something up. It's sad really. It's usually just "one itty bitty adoptee" that does it anyway.

These are all things I could have written myself...I guess others do feel the same as I do.

One poster on the Adoption Oasis forum said:

I have never understood why some adoptees become so angry with, and bitter towards, adoptive parents, on line -- and in real life. It's beyond my comprehension. In instances, where I've seen it occur, I always find myself so saddened and disturbed. I, personally, can't begin to wrap my head around how anyone could be so bitter and angry toward people who are trying their level best to do what's best in the life of a child.
It happens when someone fails to show common courtesy and respect. It happens when one side feels that their side is the only side -- the only way to see things. It happens when people fail to understand that generalizations aren't the way to express feelings and emotions and circumstances. It happens when people don't listen to one another......and only "hear" what they want to "hear" in another's words. It happens when people want to live out the "misery loves company" way of thinking -- they are unhappy and frustrated with their own individual situation, therefore, they want to make others miserable and unhappy right along with them.

Another said:

It's the attitude that SOME adoptee's have that because they have had problems in their life that our children today will have the same problems. They talk as if what happened to them, happens to all adopted children and they talk as if what they felt, our children will feel.

Still another:

but with some of the anti-attutidues out there, and things that i have read, i have to wonder how much is self-hatred....

Tell me Again about the Night I was Born Jamie Curtis

This book is so sweet. Jamie Lee Curtis is an adopted mom...also a best selling author with this book. The link gives you a site where you can listen to an excerpt of Jamie reading.

This is her own website...

The Blind wants Blindness

One disgruntled adoptee, who has commented here before, went on a "quest" (for lack of a better word) onto an adoption forum with over 400 members to ask how people really feel about there a parents. She wanted answers that would support her theories that most adoptees don't get a long with their a parents and most adoptees feel cheated. She found out she was the minority and almost every adoptee said they were happy and they could not understand how adoptees didn't get along with their a parents. It was interesting that most echoed what I've been saying on this blog all along....most of us are happy and don't have the anger issues.
i was happy she read so many that had a different view than her own, I thought she could now see there are others.

It's almost comical to me that when i looked at her blog today, she listed only a few answers she found that support her own view.

I'm not saying no one else feels the way she does....but is that all she could say after all that reading? LOOK EVERYONE, THEY ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO! Is it total blindness or is it selective blindness?

I don't want everyone to believe the same as me....but I do want people to be reasonable and admit not everyone has suffered from being adopted. Blinders do not have to permanent.

This was a great reunion video:

Oh the Drama!

Everyone wants someone to blame. It's easy for adoptees to blame adoption, their a-parent's high expectations or the agencies "ripping them away" from their "real" parents. It's easy to blame anyone else for problems they have.

Who do biological children have to blame? their parents? School officials? bad relatives? sheesh....the blame game in this country is out of hand. Some adoptees live in a fantasy world were everything would be okay if you were only with their "real parents".....but guess what? They have problems too....everyone does.

I guess it's nice to have a beef...something to complain about, a cause to fight for. Why can't people use it in a more positive way and save children who live in poverty by getting mad enough to collect money to put in a well in their village, help children that are homeless...or something noble....not wasting time fighting against children being adopted into loving families.

I read some of these blogs and it's almost humorous how these people bash even their own a-parents "they couldn't get a baby in the 'natural way' so they had to adopt"....that's bashing your own a-parents - sad.

They like to say aparents are selfish? I guess it's selfish for anyone to have a baby...shame on all parents for being selfing and planning a pregnancy....who is it for? are they having a baby for the baby's sake? At least people who adopt have the baby in mind....not just themselves.

If adoptees are not looked at as grown ups or not listened to...it's not because they are adoptees - there is obviously something wrong in that relationship - either the adoptee is not worth listening to or the aparents are not very good parents --why blame adoption?

Adoptees blaming adoption for everything wrong in their life? Sometimes their own bad adoption may be to blame, I will concede that there are bad agencies and there are unscoupulous a-parents who just want a "trophy baby"...I've seen it. But how many fit this scenerio?? Come on.

I know of a couple here that have been asked to adopt a ten year old because the parents in California don't have time for him anymore (they are a doctor and a lawyer with great careers) so they were going to put him in foster care. They told this family if they adopt him they would give them $1000 a month to take care of him.....it made me so sad. That's a case of supreme selfishness....

When bad things happen and people have problems, take it for what it's worth - life. Yes, you may be adopted, you may live with your biological parents, you may have been brought up in foster care.....your life is yours and it's all about choices.....don't blame anyone for things that you can do something about today.

Adoption OASIS

Thanks to another blogger I found my way back to Adoption OASIS. I was on the site when it just started and there weren't too many postings and then I forgot about it. These woman are happy adoptees, biomoms who are at peace and aparents - they all get along, have great attititudes and treat people with respect. It's really a breath of fresh air and it makes me thrilled to know happy people do post about adoption on the internet - they just don't have blogs....

Saint Theresa's Prayer

Saint Theresa is regarded as a wonderful example by Christian and non-Christian alike...she was such a special person. She was not from India but she went there and fell in love with the country, it's people and especially the abondoned children. I am not Catholic but I know Mother Theresa should be declared a saint....She should be the patron Saint of foreign adoption!

This is actually the prayer of St. Theresa the Little Flower of Lisieux- but it is one that everyone should strive to live by...the world would be a better place if we all did:

May today there be peace within
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith
May you use those gifts that you have recieved, and pass on the love that has been given to you
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let his presence settle into your bones and allow the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

A Beautiful Post

There was a beautifully written post at Mothers Fighting for Others. A mother who adopted two children stuck in an orphanage and now has two loving parents. They love them so much, wants the very best for these two and hopes that they can do so much for them that they can go back one day and make a difference. I applaud them.
Don't read the comments though...just the post. People came out of the woodwork to try to make this beautiful post something bad and make this wonderful mom out to be a bad person.

This is pretty close to me (less about 20 pounds-this one looks anorexic) as anyone could get - I actually have this exact outfit and a picture of me like this in Js room. The only difference is J's room is white,orange and bright blue with a gerbera daisy theme.

The Numbers

2% of the U.S. population, or 5-10-million Americans, are adoptees.

-Adoption Factbook, National Council For Adoption

It's hard to imagine that many of us out there. People just don't want to accept it (as you can see by some comments). It doesn't prove anything but that we are out there.....and the percentage who write blogs who are unhappy (as real as it is for them) is small compaired to this number.

1-million children in the U.S. live with adoptive parents, and

2%-4% of American families include an adopted child.

-K.S. Stolley, 1993, in "Future of Children,"

Center for Future of Children, Los Altos, CA

New to Adoption or New to the Blog World?

So many on these blogs are mean and bitter, no doubt. They have had a bad time of it for sure but don't let it fool you. As I have said many times, there are more good expereriences than bad.

If you are new to adoption, considering adopting or if you are an adoptee that is curious how other people feel....know that the negative blogs out there are a "drop in the bucket".... there are 6 million adoptees out there and most are happy and productive people.

I'm not saying adoptees should not search. I searched but not because I was unhappy, bitter or angry. The thing is, most happy adoptees don't blog or check these blogs to see what other people are saying, so they don't show up on the radar at all. I started blogging to chronical my daughter being adopted and was amazed there were people out there SO against adoption. I was amazed at the tragedy and sadness of their stories. There have been some bad adoptions bad agencies and bad circumstances but thankfully it is a small percentage. Anyone with an ounce of brains is going to be against unethical adoptions but adoption itself is not the EVIL monster some of these people can make it out to be. I do think it's always more tragic for the biological mothers....they, of course, have lost the most . But, if there are 6 million adoptees there are 6 million biological mothers as well and many have found "peace" and live happy productive lives (still loving the children they placed, of course).

It's good to read these negative views so you see what's "out there". Just like it's good to read "bad news" in the paper but you know there's an aweful lot more "GOOD NEWS" out there--- Bad news is just not "titalating" enough for the reader. The same goes for books written about adoption...there are many more books about bad experieces...there are a few about good experiences but people just aren't as interested in the good stories so they don't get written.

The media has a lot to do with bad publicity for adoption. Adoptive Families Magazine ran a great article (click here to read) about Four Myths in the Media....very good.

For those of you waiting....I pray your wait is short and blessings on your new family.

Little Peanut

My sweety is a year old...she is walking and already plays the h*rmonica. She is a genious. I wrote her biomom a long letter about how I feel being an adopted kid as well as a lot of other things...that are private. I wanted her to know how smart I think she is because J is so smart and how much we want her to go to college...she is a very sweet and wonderful girl. We sent her a matching outfit to the one we got J for her bear - the one her biomom has. Every three months we get Js picture taken with the bear and send it to N. I hope to hear back from her and see how she's doing.

J is the love of our lives!!---We CANNOT believe she's already 1!!!! Happy Birthday Peanut!!!

I Can't Stand It!!

A senior woman came into my office yesterday, looked t my daughter's picture on my desk and, with "that look", said "I can't believe..." -- I stopped her with my own look. I knew what she was going to say...I've heard it before here. She was about to say "I can't believe anyone would give up a child....".

Oh.....this is a big no no with me here and people that work here know it...one gal used to do it until I blew up at her and told her she was ignorant and knew nothing about the whole process.

With this woman yesterday I broke in before her offensive words could burn my ears and I said "you just never know the circumstances", "It's heart wrenching for these women...they love these children". She was flustered and taken back by my interruption and the bluntness of it. But I can't STAND that....it is worse than "she's so lucky to have you" (which she followed up with by the way) and I say, "no, we are blessed that she's our daughter".....period.

I don't mind at all when they say ..."you're so lucky....kids are so great"...or "she's so cute...you must be so proud" Or "you must be so happy"..... those things are appropriate... but why would you say those other things - even if you think it?
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On another note.... I was brought up to be polite, I was told it's wrong to hurt other people's feelings and I believe it is. I was the friend of the underdog in school...not because I hated the top guy but because I do see (or try to see) the good in people. As kids there is at least some good in all of us (in those days anyway).
As we get older we get "tainted" in one way or the other. If people know me then they know I am nice to everyone...I never will purposefully hurt someone else's feelings.

I am sorry,Joy, if I offended you ...what i wrote wasn't meant as "I think Joy's parents are awful people"...I just think people are to blame somehow if another does not feel included... that's all. I did not use your name or list your blog. The only people who read my blog are my friends (who don't comment because I have asked them not to--even though it KILLS them to read the crappy comments that some people write) and strangers who must come across it, and some mean anonymous people (you know who you are - and i know who some of you are).

If you (any reader) don't like what I write, don't read this blog. I am blunt, honest and truthful but try not to be mean....sometimes me being "funny" or thoughtful may offend someone but my truth is what offends the most. I am who I am, you can all assume who that is but I know who I am.

ME:
I am a Christian (not the "make up your own rules" kind)
I am a mom
I am an artist
I am a singer
I am a Republican
I am a non-smoker
I am a middle-aged woman
I am not thin or fat
I am a person with integrity
I am thick skinned
I am sarcastic
I am an adoptee
I am pro-life, pro-American, pro-values and pro-family(which encompasses many anti things that this society is started to accept very readily)

I am NOT a writer so take that for what it's worth....these are MY thoughts and words... when I "qoute" anything I read and copy and paste... it's because it made me think and i want to talk about it here, on my blog....some of you have insulted me on your blogs - did I throw a hissy?

Something to think about....

Abortion has killed as many human beings in the last three decades than all of the wars combined...scary

A year ago

This was my post on April 26th last year....It says exactly how I still feel...but I wasn't as tainted by the other's "meaness" yet.

People amaze me

It's strange how people can complain how their views don't matter to others and they are put down, ridiculed and not listened to...but they turn around and do it to other people so easily. Anonymity gives people the right to put down and call people terrible things with no concequences. It's sad really, these are the same people who want people to not think bad of them. The biomoms hate when people look down on them for their decision because people are ignorant of what they went through....but they can turn around and act the same way?
The adoptees that are not happy want people to love them, they want to feel accepted, they want people to be nice to them --but they can turn around and treat people like crap because they have a difference of opinion.
I don't leave nasty comments on other people's blogs - but I'M the mean one? I'm the one who needs therapy? it sort of makes me chuckle. The light needs to be turned on but not on me. This is my blog...I write what i'm thinking - just as they all do on their own blogs. They don't expect to be ridiculed and neither do I.

It doesn't hurt me...when i read the comments. In fact, when i do read them I think about a mean little girl on the playground clenching her fists at her sides and stomping her foot as she stains her neck out, veins in her neck popping and spit spraying from her lips as she yells her complaints over something trivial, but meaningful to her. We all look on waiting for her to finish and know in the sceme of things....this too shall pass.